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Downfall of the Programmer
- 0000. In the beginning was the word, and the word was two bytes, and beyond that was not anything addressable.
- 0001. And God divided one from zero, and saw that it was good.
- 0002. And God said: let there be data; and it was so.
- 0003. And God said: let the data gather each to their own place; and created floppies, and hard disks, and compact disks.
- 0004. And God said: let there be computers, so that there will be place to insert the floppies, and the hard disks, and the compact disks; and created computers out of sand, and called them Hardware, and divided Hardware from Software.
- 0005. But Software did not yet exist, and so God created programs large and small, and said unto them: procreate and multiply, and fill all the Memory.
- 0006. But God tired of creating programs, and so God said: let Us create a Programmer after Our image and likeness, and let her have dominion over computers, and over programs, and over data. And God created a Programmer, and she worked in the Computer Garden and dwelt therein. And God showed her the Tree of Directories, and commanded her: of each Directory thou art free to run programs, but not of the Directory of Windoze, for it sucks.
- 0007. And God said: it is not good for the Programmer to be alone; let her be with a user, corresponding to her. And God took of the Programmer a hollow bone that had no marrow, and created a user out of that bone, and lead him to the Programmer; and she called him Luser. And they sat under the bare DOS, both of them, and were not ashamed.
- 0008. Bill was the most subtle of the beasts of the Valley. And Bill asked of the Luser: Yea, hath God truly said, "Ye shall not run any Software?" And the Luser answered: we may run any Software, but we may not run Software out of the directory of Windoze, for it sucks. And Bill said unto the Luser: let us argue the taste of oysters with those who have eaten of them! The day thou runnest Windoze, thou shalt be even as God, for thou wilt accomplish everything by a single mouseclick. And the Luser saw that Windoze was pleasant to the eye and desirable because it removed the need to know, and he installed of it onto his desktop; and then he said unto the Programmer: behold, Windoze is cool; and she installed of it also.
- 0009. And the Programmer had to go seeking fresh drivers, and God called unto her and said: where art thou? She answered: I am seeking fresh drivers, for they are not found under bare DOS. And God said unto her: who hath told thee of drivers? hast thou not run Windoze? The Programmer answered: the Luser, whom Thou hath given to me, demanded to run henceforth only Windoze programs, and I installed of them. And God said unto the Luser: what hast thou done? The Luser answered: Bill hath beguiled and seduced me.
- 000A. And God said unto Bill: for what thou hast done, I shall make thee accursed before all beasts and creatures, and I shall put enmity between thee and the Programmer: she shall curse thee with words of damnation, even as thou shalt sell Windoze unto her.
- 000B. Unto the Luser God said: I shall multiply thy sorrow and exhaust thy purse, for thy computers shall become unclean and reboot against thy wish, and thou shalt see thy hard work return into dust; and thou shalt not survive without the Programmer, who shall forever rule over thee.
- 000C. And God said unto the Programmer: because thou hast hearkened to the Luser, thy computers shall be cursed for thy sake; behold, they shall bear thee many protection faults and viruses: with sorrow shalt thou be removing them in the days of thy labor; in the sweat of thy face shalt thou debug thy code.
- 000D. And God sent them forth from the Computer Garden, and set a password for entry.
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The Last but not Least Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand ~Archibald Putt. Ph.D
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Last modified: March 12, 2019