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Ñîôòïàíîðàìà 1991, Vol.3. No.6 (36) ***HUMOR*** Ñîñòàâèòåëü: Í.Í. ÁÅÇÐÓÊÎÂ ************************************************************************* A few important rules for Real Programmers Real Programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. Real Programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to read. Real Programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do system programming. Real Programmers don't eat quiche. They eat Twinkies, and Szechwan food. Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers. Real Programmers programs never work right the first time. But if throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in 'only a few' 30-hour debugging sessions. Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 AM it's because they were up all night. Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN. Real Programmers don't write in APL. Any fool can be obscure in APL. Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and Real Programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room. Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or any of those computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. Real Programmers know better than the users what they need. Real Programmers think structured programming is a Communist plot. Real Programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real Programmers like to keep their managers in suspense. Real Programmers think better when playing ADVENTURE. Real Programmers enjoy setting CP/M to work on 370 machines and MVS on their ZX81s. Real Programmers never get annoyed by security systems, they turn off the RACF bits and leave unsigned messages in the security data sets. Real Programmers never update the source to reflect the ZAPs, after all, it will be changed again tomorrow. Real Programmers don't test. Testing is for people with weak nerves and no self-confidence. Real Programmers programs are always recursive and run in supervisor state, else programming is no real fun. Real Programmers never take backup.
Groupthink : Two Party System as Polyarchy : Corruption of Regulators : Bureaucracies : Understanding Micromanagers and Control Freaks : Toxic Managers : Harvard Mafia : Diplomatic Communication : Surviving a Bad Performance Review : Insufficient Retirement Funds as Immanent Problem of Neoliberal Regime : PseudoScience : Who Rules America : Neoliberalism : The Iron Law of Oligarchy : Libertarian Philosophy
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Vol 25, No.12 (December, 2013) Rational Fools vs. Efficient Crooks The efficient markets hypothesis : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2013 : Unemployment Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 23, No.10 (October, 2011) An observation about corporate security departments : Slightly Skeptical Euromaydan Chronicles, June 2014 : Greenspan legacy bulletin, 2008 : Vol 25, No.10 (October, 2013) Cryptolocker Trojan (Win32/Crilock.A) : Vol 25, No.08 (August, 2013) Cloud providers as intelligence collection hubs : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : Inequality Bulletin, 2009 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Copyleft Problems Bulletin, 2004 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Energy Bulletin, 2010 : Malware Protection Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 26, No.1 (January, 2013) Object-Oriented Cult : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2011 : Vol 23, No.11 (November, 2011) Softpanorama classification of sysadmin horror stories : Vol 25, No.05 (May, 2013) Corporate bullshit as a communication method : Vol 25, No.06 (June, 2013) A Note on the Relationship of Brooks Law and Conway Law
Fifty glorious years (1950-2000): the triumph of the US computer engineering : Donald Knuth : TAoCP and its Influence of Computer Science : Richard Stallman : Linus Torvalds : Larry Wall : John K. Ousterhout : CTSS : Multix OS Unix History : Unix shell history : VI editor : History of pipes concept : Solaris : MS DOS : Programming Languages History : PL/1 : Simula 67 : C : History of GCC development : Scripting Languages : Perl history : OS History : Mail : DNS : SSH : CPU Instruction Sets : SPARC systems 1987-2006 : Norton Commander : Norton Utilities : Norton Ghost : Frontpage history : Malware Defense History : GNU Screen : OSS early history
The Peter Principle : Parkinson Law : 1984 : The Mythical Man-Month : How to Solve It by George Polya : The Art of Computer Programming : The Elements of Programming Style : The Unix Hater’s Handbook : The Jargon file : The True Believer : Programming Pearls : The Good Soldier Svejk : The Power Elite
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The Last but not Least Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand ~Archibald Putt. Ph.D
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