NEW TECHNOLOGY ANNOUNCEMENT FROM APPLE

Softpanorama 1993, vol. 5, No. 5

C¼ÄÁ£¯¼Þ¿ 1993, Vol.5 No.5(55) *** HUMOR *** ¼ÀÁ²ºÁ€½Ë: .. 
========================================================================
ͽ½€Á€¯Ë ÞÀ£Þ¼ÀÁޯ΀ÁÀÎ ¾¾ Shareware. Þ²º½ Þ€¸ºÀÁÞÔºº À¿.² README
************************************************************************

          èìì�                                          èìì�
          õììíììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììíìì¢
             Ÿ                         Ÿ
             Ÿ                                          Ÿ
             Ÿ                         Ÿ
          èììíììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììììíìì�
          õìì¢                                          õìì¢

[ Article crossposted from rec.humor.funny ]
[ Author was Ron Reiner ]
[ Posted on 7 Jan 93 09:30:03 GMT ]

Source is original for this:


NEW TECHNOLOGY ANNOUNCEMENT FROM APPLE

In a surprise announcment, yesterday, Apple Computer said that it is
finally doing away with the keyboard.  Apple stated that the
microcomputer user has suffered too long with this awkward and
inefficient input device.  According to an Apple spokesperson, the
technology for replacing the keyboard with only a mouse is here and
the computer user is ready for it.  The spokesperson said that Apple
has received a steady stream of complaints  over the years about the
need to constantly move the hands between the Mac keyboard and
mouse.   "The solution was obvious - do away with the keyboard
completely."

Acknowledging that there are still a few Mac applications that depend
on textual input in addition to graphical manipulation, Apple said the
poor people stuck with such outdated technology have not been
forgotten.  They are introducing the Spinning Alphabet Wheel (SAW)
to replace the keyboard.   The SAW is a screen display object
consisting of concentric circular strips showing all of the characters
which normally appear on the keyboard.  The wheel rotates
continuously under character selector windows.  The user selects a
character by placing the mouse pointer in the appropriate window at
the same time as the desired character is about the appear.  "...and,
ta-da, the selected character appears on the screen just as though it
had been typed on an old fashioned keyboard."

"This is a marvelous new technology with plenty of room for
growth." said the spokesperson.  For example, the user can configure
separate wheels for vowels vs. the consonants.  Or, digits can be
placed on their own special low speed wheel.  "We have
conceptualized the keyboard as a big, bulky menu selection device
and replaced it with dynamic display menus instead.  Apple will
eventually replace all menus with their new Rotating Wheel
Technology (RWT)."

When asked why the wheels have to rotate, the spokesperson said
that Apple's engineers had considered using conventional "point-and-
click" technology for the wheel.  "However," the Apple spokesperson
said, "we feel that this type of operation is too complicated for the
typical Mac user.   So, we have done away with the mouse button
too.  It is still hard for us to believe that the IBM world has stepped
backwards in technology by providing two or more buttons to
confuse the user.  The IBM compatible sector, apparently,  has not
yet recognized that 95% of computer usage is devoted to
experimenting with different fonts and character styles in documents"

Asked if this new technology would reduce the price of the typical
Mac computer, the spokesperson countered that it would probably
increase the price of the Mac.  "After all,  display space is already
scarce on the current screen.  We will now deliver Macs with two
screens - one for the normal display and a larger one for the multitude
of rotating wheels the user needs to access."  Apple said that the user
who is confused by complicated devices such as keyboards and
mouse buttons will gladly pay a premium to avoid them.  "In fact, the
easily-confused user is our best customer"  replied the spokesperson.
"Not only are we doing away with the pesky keyboard, but we are
also giving them something they have demanded for a long time -
more screen space.  This is definitely a win-win situation."

Beta testers of the new technology were impressed by its ease of use,
but said there are still some minor problems to work out.  For
example, one tester left his machine unattended with the uppercase
character wheel spinning at medium speed.  While he was away
somebody must have jarred his desk, moving the mouse pointer into
the selector window.  When he got back he found that his Word
document now had one huge paragraph consisting of all of the
characters of the uppercase alphabet repeated 2,539,987 times.  "At
first glance, this appeared to be a big problem.  But,  I formatted the
new paragraph with 33 different fonts and 11 different type styles and
it looked great.  I hope that Apple fixes this problem before they
release it, because these accidents can greatly increase the time spent
formatting documents."

--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to [email protected] the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.

Remember: Only ONE joke per submission.  Extra jokes may be rejected.



Newsgroups: comp.org.acm
Date:         Thu, 6 May 1993 14:24:21 -0500
From:         Mychal B Manie 
Subject: [NEWS] Computer Humor
Lines: 35
Status: RO

As most of you probably already know, Bill Gates is getting
married (below are ANONYMOUS sayings):

The words "for richer, or for poorer" will be
replaced with "for richer or for even richer."

The reception will be held at microsoft so that
people can continue working.

After the wedding, the bride will turn and laugh
at all the women in the world.

After one year of marriage, Bill will announce an
upgrade to Wife 2.0.

Melinda will find out (to her great dissapointment
) on the wedding night where bill got the name
"Microsoft."

--------------------------------------------------------------
Mychal Boyd Manie
       Schizophrenic... but only because of peer pressure.

#include 

 The above statements are not necessarily endorsed or shared
 by the head cheese(s) of the UT, Knoxville.

#include               Phone:   Voice:  (615)974-2398
                                           FAX:  (615)974-5403

email:   [email protected]     Snailmail:  P.O. Box 8692
         PA152078@UTKVM1                         Knoxville, TN
         MANIE%[email protected]       37996-0002

Etc

Society

Groupthink : Two Party System as Polyarchy : Corruption of Regulators : Bureaucracies : Understanding Micromanagers and Control Freaks : Toxic Managers :   Harvard Mafia : Diplomatic Communication : Surviving a Bad Performance Review : Insufficient Retirement Funds as Immanent Problem of Neoliberal Regime : PseudoScience : Who Rules America : Neoliberalism  : The Iron Law of Oligarchy : Libertarian Philosophy

Quotes

War and Peace : Skeptical Finance : John Kenneth Galbraith :Talleyrand : Oscar Wilde : Otto Von Bismarck : Keynes : George Carlin : Skeptics : Propaganda  : SE quotes : Language Design and Programming Quotes : Random IT-related quotes :  Somerset Maugham : Marcus Aurelius : Kurt Vonnegut : Eric Hoffer : Winston Churchill : Napoleon Bonaparte : Ambrose Bierce :  Bernard Shaw : Mark Twain Quotes

Bulletin:

Vol 25, No.12 (December, 2013) Rational Fools vs. Efficient Crooks The efficient markets hypothesis : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2013 : Unemployment Bulletin, 2010 :  Vol 23, No.10 (October, 2011) An observation about corporate security departments : Slightly Skeptical Euromaydan Chronicles, June 2014 : Greenspan legacy bulletin, 2008 : Vol 25, No.10 (October, 2013) Cryptolocker Trojan (Win32/Crilock.A) : Vol 25, No.08 (August, 2013) Cloud providers as intelligence collection hubs : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : Inequality Bulletin, 2009 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Copyleft Problems Bulletin, 2004 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Energy Bulletin, 2010 : Malware Protection Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 26, No.1 (January, 2013) Object-Oriented Cult : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2011 : Vol 23, No.11 (November, 2011) Softpanorama classification of sysadmin horror stories : Vol 25, No.05 (May, 2013) Corporate bullshit as a communication method  : Vol 25, No.06 (June, 2013) A Note on the Relationship of Brooks Law and Conway Law

History:

Fifty glorious years (1950-2000): the triumph of the US computer engineering : Donald Knuth : TAoCP and its Influence of Computer Science : Richard Stallman : Linus Torvalds  : Larry Wall  : John K. Ousterhout : CTSS : Multix OS Unix History : Unix shell history : VI editor : History of pipes concept : Solaris : MS DOS :  Programming Languages History : PL/1 : Simula 67 : C : History of GCC development :  Scripting Languages : Perl history   : OS History : Mail : DNS : SSH : CPU Instruction Sets : SPARC systems 1987-2006 : Norton Commander : Norton Utilities : Norton Ghost : Frontpage history : Malware Defense History : GNU Screen : OSS early history

Classic books:

The Peter Principle : Parkinson Law : 1984 : The Mythical Man-Month :  How to Solve It by George Polya : The Art of Computer Programming : The Elements of Programming Style : The Unix Hater’s Handbook : The Jargon file : The True Believer : Programming Pearls : The Good Soldier Svejk : The Power Elite

Most popular humor pages:

Manifest of the Softpanorama IT Slacker Society : Ten Commandments of the IT Slackers Society : Computer Humor Collection : BSD Logo Story : The Cuckoo's Egg : IT Slang : C++ Humor : ARE YOU A BBS ADDICT? : The Perl Purity Test : Object oriented programmers of all nations : Financial Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : The Most Comprehensive Collection of Editor-related Humor : Programming Language Humor : Goldman Sachs related humor : Greenspan humor : C Humor : Scripting Humor : Real Programmers Humor : Web Humor : GPL-related Humor : OFM Humor : Politically Incorrect Humor : IDS Humor : "Linux Sucks" Humor : Russian Musical Humor : Best Russian Programmer Humor : Microsoft plans to buy Catholic Church : Richard Stallman Related Humor : Admin Humor : Perl-related Humor : Linus Torvalds Related humor : PseudoScience Related Humor : Networking Humor : Shell Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2012 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2013 : Java Humor : Software Engineering Humor : Sun Solaris Related Humor : Education Humor : IBM Humor : Assembler-related Humor : VIM Humor : Computer Viruses Humor : Bright tomorrow is rescheduled to a day after tomorrow : Classic Computer Humor

The Last but not Least Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand ~Archibald Putt. Ph.D

The statements, views and opinions presented on this web page are those of the author (or referenced source) and are not endorsed by, nor do they necessarily reflect, the opinions of the Softpanorama society. We do not warrant the correctness of the information provided or its fitness for any purpose. The site uses AdSense so you need to be aware of Google privacy policy. You you do not want to be tracked by Google please disable Javascript for this site. This site is perfectly usable without Javascript.

Last modified: March 12, 2019