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Politically Incorrect Humor bulletin, 2016

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Old News ;-)

[Dec 15, 2016] FaKe NeWS FLoW CHaRT

www.zerohedge.com

Courtesy of williambazai7

[Dec 14, 2016] Why has there never been a coup in the US?

discussion.theguardian.com

GuardianFodder -> noteasilyfooled , 13 Dec 2016 18:55

Christmas cracker joke for you;

Q: Why has there never been a coup in the US?

A: Because Washington doesn't have an American embassy....

[Dec 11, 2016] Russia Rigged Election, Killed JFK And Hid Saddams WMDs, Confirms CIA

waterfordwhispersnews.com
craazyboy December 10, 2016 at 10:10 am

hahaha. Tho I think they made a spelling error- s/b Osamaovitch Boris Ladenofsky.

Baby Gerald December 10, 2016 at 10:15 am

Thanks for this– a much-needed Onion-esque satirical dig at the Globe/Post/NYT trifecta of garbage. To base a headline on information gleaned from anonymous sources and unnamed officials in secret meetings with unpublished agendas seems the most dangerous type of fake news there is. The death of irony was greatly exaggerated, if you ask me.

Aumua December 10, 2016 at 2:43 pm

Next up: Russia influenced the Superbowl. You thought the Cubs' actually winning was a little strange? Well, have we got a shocker for you..

[Dec 07, 2016] New name for Yves Smith and Naked Capilism -- Eva Smirnova and

Notable quotes:
"... I was thinking Natasha Fatale .. ..."
"... I was thinking Katyusha. Besides being a very pretty diminutive name for Katherine, the sound of the Katyusha rockets made the forces of evil's collective sphincter tighten up. ..."
"... Just like the sound of the truth spoken to power here at NC is apparently tightening up some establishment sphincters :) ..."
"... Oh OIFVet, do you know where this line of snark is leading? Next, the NC will be "mischaracterized" as Stalin's News Organ! ..."
Dec 07, 2016 | www.nakedcapitalism.com

charles leseau November 26, 2016 at 5:36 am

So are you changing your name to Eva Smithova any time soon? Or maybe change the page header to Голый Капитализм for a bit?

a different chris November 26, 2016 at 10:37 am

Oh I don't ask for much but please, please consider that! :) :) :)

fresno dan November 26, 2016 at 11:22 am

Re: charles leseau, November 26, 2016 at 5:36 am

I was thinking Natasha Fatale ..

pretzelattack November 26, 2016 at 11:51 am

i don't think i've ever seen a moose or flying squirrel antidote. this proves the pernicious russian influence.

petal November 26, 2016 at 1:02 pm

It's going to be a surprise and happen when everyone least expects it. Sneak attack by moose and skwirral. Anyway, concerned by number of supposedly educated friends(Clinton supporters) being taken in by this fake news/Russian ties thing. They've lost their heads and there's no discussing it with them, they are convinced. Where does it end? Na zdorovie!

pretzelattack November 26, 2016 at 1:29 pm

it's truly amazing. many of these people have denounced joe mccarthy all their lives. somebody referred to invasion of the body snatchers on nc the other day, that's the only logical explanation.

OIFVet November 26, 2016 at 1:31 pm

I was thinking Katyusha. Besides being a very pretty diminutive name for Katherine, the sound of the Katyusha rockets made the forces of evil's collective sphincter tighten up.

Just like the sound of the truth spoken to power here at NC is apparently tightening up some establishment sphincters :)

ambrit November 26, 2016 at 4:05 pm

Oh OIFVet, do you know where this line of snark is leading? Next, the NC will be "mischaracterized" as Stalin's News Organ!

[Dec 07, 2016] Did anyone notice this?? This is serious as all hell! The U.S. House of Representatives just passed H.R. 6393: Intelligence Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2017 This almost makes it sound like we are at war with Israel!

www.moonofalabama.org

PavewayIV | Dec 3, 2016 2:02:30 PM | 12

Did anyone notice this?? This is serious as all hell! The U.S. House of Representatives just passed H.R. 6393: Intelligence Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2017 This almost makes it sound like we are at war with Israel! Here are some of the more outrageous parts:

Title V - Matters relating to foreign countries

Sec. 501. Committee to counter active measures by the State of Israel to exert covert influence over peoples and governments.

502.Limitation on travel of accredited diplomats and consulars of the State of Israel in the United States from their diplomatic post

    (a)Appropriate committees of Congress defined
    In this section, the term appropriate committees of Congress means-
    1. the congressional intelligence committees;
    2. the Committee on Foreign Relations and the Committee on the Judiciary of the Senate; and
    3. the Committee on Foreign Affairs and the Committee on the Judiciary of the House of Representatives.

    (b)Quarterly limitation on travel distance Accredited diplomatic personnel and consulars of the State of Israel in the United States may not be permitted to travel a distance in excess of 25 miles from their diplomatic post in the United States in a calendar quarter unless, on or before the last day of the preceding calendar quarter, the Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation has certified in writing to the appropriate committees of Congress that during the preceding calendar quarter the Bureau did not identify any violations by accredited diplomatic personnel and consulars of the State of Israel of applicable requirements to notify the United States Government in connection with travel by such diplomatic personnel and consulars of a distance in excess of 25 miles from their diplomatic post in the United States.

OK - I lied a little. The text of the bill is as reads above, but I have substituted the text the State of Israel and Israel in place of the original text: the Russian Federation and Russia . You see, some countries are more equal than others. (Apologies to all the U.S. readers that thought "Well, it's about damn time!" )

[Dec 06, 2016] Obama invented a new psychedelic drug: a mixture of Hopium and Ballonium...

[Nov 28, 2016] Nicnames for Us MSM

Nov 28, 2016 | www.zerohedge.com

ABC (Always Boosting Clinton),
* Amazon.con,
* AOL (AllOutLibertards),
* AppleWorms,
* BloombergsGold,
* BuzzardFood,
* CBS (Clinton Butt Sniffers),
* CNN (Clinton News Network),
* Con Street Journal (WSJ),
* CrapNchat,
* DailyBarff,
* ESPeeiNg,
* FacePlant,
* Fox,
* GPG (Goebbels Propaganda Goons),
* GooglesPedophiles,
* HearstsHookers,
* HomeButtOrifice,
* Huffington Hoes,
* MicrosoftCephalics,
* MOREClintonPropaganda,
* MSNBC (MS Nothing But Clinton),
* NBC (Nose up Butt of Clinton),
* NetFlux,
* New Porker Yorker,
* New York SlimeBalls,
* NPR (National-PropagandaRadio),
* PBS (Perverts Broadcast System),
* PEOPLEpedophiles,
* POLITICOpropagandists,
* PRIvateParts,
* ProPORNotPedophiles,
* Redbitch,
* ReutersRooters,
* SnopesNgropes,
* Startrash,
* The AtlanTicks,
* TIMEforClinton,
* Twitcher,
* USA TodayToadies,
* VICEsexCrimes,
* VOXpropagandists,
* Washington ConPostHeap,

[Nov 12, 2016] Legatus praetor Gaius Anonymus brings forth the news from far away Partian kingdom

Nov 12, 2016 | marknesop.wordpress.com

Lyttenburgh , November 11, 2016 at 4:19 pm

Legatus praetor Gaius Anonymus brings forth the news from far away Partian kingdom:

______________________________________________________________

Incredible events in Parthia

It's only been three days, oh, worthy of Quirites, from the moment that the Epicurean Trumparamp was elected as the new king of Parthia, but one might think that instead the depths of Hades were unleashed upon the world and that an unstoppable stream most incredible monsters poured out of it!

Messengers convey that in the Parthian kingdom reigns mourning, though by no means among all of the subjects – the heart-rending screams and rolling in the dust, while scratching one's face with the nails is popular exclusively among the adherents of the king Abamarak and his chosen Illariya, the priestess of the temple of the Giant Golden Toad – all sorts of Greeks (in both senses of the word), painted buffoons, owners of amphitheatres and Nubians each of whom Illariya promised free distribution of bread and five silver coins from the treasury. It is interesting that here in Rome takes place exactly the same thing –capital dwelling useless loafers and Judean owners of galleries with indecent murals, all wrapped in a black cloaks and shedding fiery tears, realizing that the flow of Parthian gold into their mad undertakings might soon dry up.

What is happening in the Umbria defies any description. The local savages made countless sacrifices to the good deity Peremogiks, daubing it in tasty pig fat and even proclaiming it a kinsman to the Golden Toad. But, as it appears to be, the dreadful witch Gan'ba called forth the black forces and summoned the sinister demon Zradiks, who plunged the Umbrians into utter despair. Witnesses say, that the grieving barbarians gorged themselves on peas, trying to scare Zradiks off with most powerful spell known to Umbria – the blowing of trhe Black Winds – that's why after hearing the news from Parthia the sky over the city Kuyavis was colored with multicolored fire lanes, and some Umbrians as a result flew up to the Moon and do not know now how to return back And it's not only because the priestess Illariya did not become the queen – they began to realize that rich, but cost-wise Trumparamp, now won't give Umbria even a broken copper, especially after the local leaders slandered him with unspeakable words and even splashed the statue of Trumparamp's genius with pig's dung!

But how did it happen that the priestess of the Giant Golden Toad was denied the throne of Parthia? And it wasn't even due to the story about the clay tablets – Illariya sent secret dispatches using ordinary slave, and not purposely trained guard, making Parthian judges to begin an inquiry of the matter. The last straw was the story of the Greek Pipisyandr, husband of one of the younger priestesses, who assisted Illariya: this Pipisyandr became infamous for his habit of nightly break ins into the houses of Parthian matrons and even innocent girls, whom he revealed his "riches" of questionable value, and also ran away, filling neighborhoods with sinister laughter – all of which, of course, caused considerable outrage. Perhaps this is the first and only time in history when the king's elections were decided by someone's phallus!

The storm that broke out, however, does not abate day after day, and the Quirites in the Forum only shrug never before a new king of Parthia caused this kind of whirlwind, streams of tears and wailing chorus. Let's see what will happen next.

yalensis , November 11, 2016 at 6:13 pm
Gaius Anonymus omits to mention that

(1) Illariya was specifically instructed by KIng Abamarak to enscribe her clay tablets using the secret cypher known as "Caesar's 4-letter shift". And to attach them to the legs of specially trained evasive pigeons. Yet in her arrogance and contempt for her Nubian overlord, she enscribed her instructions in cleartext and sent them in the hands of ordinary house slaves; and
(2) Pipisyandr was even better known for making impressions in clay of his enormous phallus, then sending such impressions to the matrons of Rome, but verify at least he did attach these clay phalluses to the legs of sturdy pigeons, which is what they called "tweeting" or "cooing" the disgusting replicas.

Lyttenburgh , November 11, 2016 at 6:28 pm
Gaius Anonymus most notably omits (although inquisitive quirites remind him in comments beneath this news-scroll) that Illariya and the wife of Pipisyandr might have engaged in the sapphic pleasures of the flesh. This sad fact forced the spurned husband to steal some clay tablets with sensetive data and plant his phallos unto them – without clearing what's been written on these tablets. Thus the general public of Parthia became partial to the most scandalous exposure of secrets of the state.
Jen , November 11, 2016 at 10:11 pm
But has it also not been whispered among patricians and plebeians alike – though few dare breathe the rumour openly – that Illariya's husband also made regular visits to a legendary island of nymphs said to be owned by Galfridus Eburstanius?
yalensis , November 12, 2016 at 4:28 am
And verily the scandal reached into the inner workings of the Vestal Virgin network. Malicious plebeians gossip that Illariya's husband, Bubbus Primus, who disguised himself with cloaked hood, also went under the alias of "Bigus Dickus" as he penetrated into the Vestal sanctum, a holy place where technically males are not allowed.
But those rules are only for plebeians.
Jen , November 11, 2016 at 10:02 pm
Also Gaius Anonymous omits to say that the most senior Parthian judge Iacobus Brianus Comnenus twice declared that the investigations begun against Illariya for her use of personal slaves instead of government messengers to transact government business had no merit, against the wishes of his fellow judges and their clerks, scribes and centurions, that Illariya now blames IBC for her loss in the elections, and that the judges may now be preparing to dethrone IBC himself and to reopen their investigations against Illariya.
Moscow Exile , November 11, 2016 at 10:16 pm
Does Gaius Anonymous think that Illariya may have a secret palace hidden away somewhere on an island, say on Lesbos?
Patient Observer , November 12, 2016 at 8:12 am
Iway uspectsay atthay erethay isway oremay otay isthay orystay
anthay eway ancay imaginway.

[Oct 24, 2016] AT T already owned Direct TV and now they want to acquire Time Warner

Oct 24, 2016 | economistsview.typepad.com

pgl : , October 23, 2016 at 03:10 AM

AT&T already owned Direct TV and now they want to acquire Time Warner. This article discusses what this proposed merger means to you:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2016/10/22/what-time-warner-t-alliance-means-you/92599580/

A real anti-trust policy would say no to this merger.

Paid Per View -> pgl... , -1

http://dilbert.com/strip/2016-10-10

http://dilbert.com/strip/2016-10-11

http://dilbert.com/strip/2016-10-12

Tom aka Rusty -> pgl... , October 23, 2016 at 05:52 AM
This would be like Satan marrying the wicked witch of the West.

No good can come of this.

[Oct 22, 2016] This is the guy who wants to bring back torture and bomb the children of suspected terrorists

Oct 22, 2016 | www.nakedcapitalism.com

Oregoncharles October 21, 2016 at 11:10 pm

From the Foreign Policy article on "Donald Trump Can't Undermine Our Democracy" – that we don't have:

" This is the guy who wants to bring back torture and bomb the children of suspected terrorists." You mean, like Bush and Obama, respectively?

[Oct 22, 2016] Onion sends questionnaire to candidates

Oct 22, 2016 | www.nakedcapitalism.com

Carolinian October 21, 2016 at 8:37 pm

Onion sends questionnaire to candidates. Example

3. How will you address the problem of homelessness in this country?

Rebuild the nation's infrastructure to better conceal those living beneath it
Provide them with gainful employment opportunities as ship ballast
Instruct the U.S. Mint to use small coins as vectors for a potent new virus
All of the above

http://www.theonion.com/article/onion-withholding-our-endorsement-president-until–54164

[Oct 22, 2016] OBAMA ON OBAMACARE

Oct 22, 2016 | www.nakedcapitalism.com

OIFVet October 21, 2016 at 10:22 pm

OBAMA ON OBAMACARE:

"You're getting better quality, even though you don't know that Obamacare is doing it," Obama said.

"Thanks, Obama," he added jokingly

"So why is there still such a fuss?" Obama said. "Well, part of the problem is the fact that a Democratic president named Barack Obama passed the law."

Yeah, I am sure that's precisely the reason, you miserable piece of narcissistic sh!t.

[Oct 22, 2016] Mrs. Clinton won the Democratic nomination fairly easily. Yes, all it took was 20,000 e-mails.

Oct 22, 2016 | economistsview.typepad.com

Benedict@Large : October 21, 2016 at 05:33 PM , 2016 at 05:33 PM

"Strange to say, however, Mrs. Clinton won the Democratic nomination fairly easily, ..."

Yes, all it took was 20,000 e-mails.

Seriously, this guy belongs in the funny farm.

[Oct 21, 2016] Posted without comment cause I am laughing too hard. Russia Offers to Send Election Monitors to US FBI Says No

www.moonofalabama.org

psychohistorian | Oct 20, 2016 11:00:21 PM | 77

Posted without comment cause I am laughing too hard.

http://www.telesurtv.net/english/news/Russia-Offers-to-Send-Election-Monitors-to-US-FBI-Says-No-20161020-0016.html

[Oct 20, 2016] I propose a drinking game: a shot of vodka every time Hillary mentions Russia

www.nakedcapitalism.com

Bjornasson October 19, 2016 at 8:52 pm

I propose a drinking game: a shot of vodka every time Hillary mentions Russia. If you want to pace yourself, a shot of vodka every time she talks about Russian aggression in Syria.

HotFlash October 19, 2016 at 9:19 pm

Sounds fine, but what should trigger a shot of Jack Daniels? Or a chug of Bud? Since all groups and income brackets should be able to play.

Bjornasson October 19, 2016 at 9:22 pm

He doesn't seem to be sniffing so much today so there goes one idea. I think you NEED a shot of Jack Daniels every time Hillary laughs derisively after a Trump answer. As for beer chugs, every time Trump repeats himself within 2 sentences?

HotFlash October 19, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Done! And some peach schnapps if Healthcare is mentioned, by any name (the Healthcare, not the schnapps). I will report back tomorrow, if able.

[Oct 20, 2016] Elections as forced rectal feeding.

www.nakedcapitalism.com

John October 19, 2016 at 10:03 pm

Do the elites really think the American people are going to swallow either one of these criminals as president?

Lee October 19, 2016 at 10:06 pm

It's called forced rectal feeding.

[Oct 19, 2016] IF DONALD TRUMP ACTED LIKE HILLARY CLINTON...

Oct 19, 2016 | www.youtube.com

YouTube

Published on Oct 16, 2016

As soon as the first batch of Democratic Party emails were leaked in the Summer of 2016, the Blue Team started churning out Cold War propaganda, blaming it all on Russia while ignoring the damning contents of the emails. With each new leak of exposing information, the media hysteria about Russia continues to grow. If Donald Trump were to respond to his criticism like Hillary Clinton does, it might sound something like this... Cheers!

[Oct 14, 2016] If the press is unjust in dismissing these outlandish claims about the emails 'scandal' and Bill's supposed rape 'victims', then why do so many people still choose to consume these

Oct 14, 2016 | www.zerohedge.com
media outlets?
MillionDollarBonus_ ParkAveFlasher Oct 14, 2016 9:19 AM

The press is rightfully ignoring and discrediting ludicrous conspiracy theories! If the press is unjust in dismissing these outlandish claims about the emails 'scandal' and Bill's supposed rape 'victims', then why do so many people still choose to consume these media outlets? Are you accusing the majority of Americans of being gullible and misinformed? That seems like a pretty wild and unfair accusation!

Accredited Book Review – Stronger Together by Hillary Clinton Mr. Universe Occident Mortal Oct 14, 2016 11:54 AM I could laugh at the sarcasm MDB spouts off if it wasn't for the fact that everyday I come into contact with someone who actually believes it. I know to some I appear a bit defeatist, but it comes from the knowledge that around half of our population really IS with Hillary. Nothing you can say will change their minds and they are effectively those who will spy for the state any chance they get. While I still have hope, from where I sit, we are divided beyond repair, and it's all been part of their plan.

[Oct 12, 2016] Russians halt search for intelligent life in Washington

off-guardian.org
Russian research team which claimed to have detected signs of intelligent life in Washington has now discovered the life there not to be quite so intelligent after all.

A Russian spokesman, who wishes to remain anonymous, told our Moscow science correspondent -who also wishes to remain anonymous- that the Washington atmosphere has been poisoned by huge clouds of putrid hot air belching from the corporate media. He explained that such a hostile environment makes it almost impossible for intelligent life to survive, let alone evolve a sustainable culture. The Russian team believes there may still be small pockets of intelligent life elsewhere on the North American continent but without the necessary conditions they need to thrive they are destined to disappear without trace.

Speaking off the record, the Russian spokesman, who asked us not to disclose his identity, added that hopes of finding intelligent life in London, Paris, Berlin and other Western European locations, where it might be expected to flourish, are fading fast. Though it is believed intelligent life once existed in Occiental Europe, an atmosphere suitable for the maintenance of such life has all but evaporated.

[Oct 12, 2016] Wall Street Executive Telling Friend How Amazing It Is To See Clinton Live

www.theonion.com
Telling several members of the investment bank's board of directors how they had to check her out whenever they get a chance, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein was overheard Monday describing to friends how incredible it is to see Hillary Clinton live.

"You can forget any recordings you've heard of Hillary, because they don't even compare to the experience of seeing her in person," said Blankfein, who excitedly recounted the first time he saw the Democratic presidential nominee in a small, intimate venue back in 2013, noting how he was instantly captivated by what he was hearing and found himself nodding along throughout the 90-minute solo performance.

[Sep 24, 2016] Hillary Clinton in painfully awkward 'Between Two Ferns' interview -- 'I really regret doing this' - Washington Times

www.washingtontimes.com

Mr. Galifianakis then briefly interrupted the interview to play a campaign commercial for Mr. Trump, claiming the billionaire businessman was the show's top sponsor. He then wrapped up the exchange by telling Mrs. Clinton the two should stay in touch.

"What's the best way to reach you? Email?" he said.

[Sep 12, 2016] Caught red handed and still deflecting: the DNC is trying to Blame Russia for their own corrupt actions

The real question is whether the email are authentic or not. They are. Neoliberal propaganda honchos just decided to use a smoke screen to conceal this fact using Russia as a bogeyman. Russian might be guilty of many things, but in no way it is responsible for corruption of DNC and this subversive actions/covert operations used for installing Hillary Clinton as a candidate from the Democratic Party. .
Notable quotes:
"... Is it OK to cheat, lie and deceive - as Clintons and DNC did - and then defend themselves by saying that "nobody would know, if it wasn't for those damn Russians"? Even the idea is preposterous: how we find out about this corruption is irrelevant, the point is there was corruption and cheating. ..."
"... So the DNC is trying to Blame Russia for their own corrupt actions. ..."
"... [Under Clintons] democracy has become conspiracy ..."
"... Are you constipated? Blame it on Russia. ..."
"... Oh and blaming Russia for revealing the truth. The truth was not attacked, but who revealed the truth is suddenly the bad guy. So desperate and out of sorts. :) ..."
"... There's no proof, besides an unsourced article in the Washington Post form 'security experts', that Russia had anything to do with this. What we do know is that immediately after the leaks became public various news outlets produced obviously planted hit pieces claiming some kind of collusion between the Trump campaign and Putin, and again with precisely zero evidence as back up. It's gob smacking that the Clinton campaign would risk an international incident with a nuclear power to cover for their shitty behaviour, but then again it's Hillary Clinton so perhaps not. ..."
"... It may indeed be Russian hackers who gained access to the emails which confirm the DNC was all along in the tank for Clinton, and was actively placing a thumb on the scale from day one in the primary process. ..."
"... But the bottom line here is that if the DNC had not so conspired, there would be no emails to leak, now would there? For Mook and others to now be placing blame on the hackers, rather than on those who produced the embarrassing material that the hackers exposed, is diversionary and inexcusable. ..."
"... The funniest thing is, they don't even deny the authenticity of the emails. Basically, DNC says that someone is guilty of revealing the truth. You can hardly stoop any lower. Blaming Russia is just a cherry on the cake. ..."
"... How nice to have an eternal scapegoat: TheRussiansAreComing!TheRussiansAreComing! This will obviously be RodHam's theme as President. Perhaps to the point of annihilation. Neo-Conne! ..."
"... My biggest issue with Hillary from the start has been her continued nonchalance when it comes to matters of national security. She acts as if she is above the need to keep sensitive information safe from potential enemies, both foreign and domestic. That's a pretty scary attitude coming from someone who is likely to be this nation's next leader. ..."
"... It's amazing. Caught red handed and still deflecting. Take responsibility for Christ sak ..."
"... ".....Several of the emails released indicate that the officials, including Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, grew increasingly agitated with Clinton's rival, Bernie Sanders, and his campaign as the primary season advanced, in one instance even floating bringing up Sanders' religion to try and minimize his support. ..."
"... The more interesting part is that this blame is just a distraction from the larger issue, that the entire political system is corrupted and broken. This is just business as usual, only this instance was revealed. ..."
From comments to: Clinton campaign blames Russia for leaked DNC emails about Sanders
trholland1 , 2016-07-24 16:52:36
Methinks the lady doth protest overmuch;
NorthDakotan , 2016-07-24 16:46:50
I honestly can't wait for when the pro-clinron commentors arrive. I can see it now "this doesn't matter if you vote 3rd party you're voting for trump." It won't matter that this is all the fault of the DNC, it will be on us. I'm calling it now ;)
Beckow , 2016-07-24 16:42:09
Is it OK to cheat, lie and deceive - as Clintons and DNC did - and then defend themselves by saying that "nobody would know, if it wasn't for those damn Russians"? Even the idea is preposterous: how we find out about this corruption is irrelevant, the point is there was corruption and cheating.

Interestingly, this is a favorite defense of all authoritarians. They always claim that if it benefits the "enemy", it is ok to suppress it. Stalin had a concept of "objectively aiding the enemy" - it meant that maybe the person was not a conscious traitor, but his/her actions helped the enemy - and that was enough. Is Guardian and Clintons now marching down this road of extreme "us versus them" ideology?

What's is next? Will Clintons ban Bernie from speaking because it would "aid Trump"? (and by extension in their paranoid thinking, it would aid Russia).

calderonparalapaz , 2016-07-24 17:19:02
"Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook said on Sunday that "experts are telling us that Russian state actors broke into the DNC, stole these emails, [and are] releasing these emails for the purpose of helping Donald Trump."

So the DNC is trying to Blame Russia for their own corrupt actions.

Another reason on the list as to why I won't be voting for Hillary. Why did DNC act very anti-democratic?

A vote for Hillary is a vote for continued corruption.

qqqqqqmn , 2016-07-24 17:15:14
[Under Clintons] democracy has become conspiracy
silverbeech , 2016-07-24 17:11:46
Rather than blaming they ought to be taking responsibility for their own words. But they'd have to be adults with integrity to do that. The tragedy and travesty of it is the willful, routine, nonchalant effort to subvert the Constitution and the will of the people. These kinds of machinations have always gone on within both parties and should always be exposed. The SuperPACS, the dark money, the secret maneuverings, the totally broken primary system, all designed to stop our having our say. People elsewhere often wonder about "our" choices for the White House. Now they can see how much of that free choice has been wrested away over time, and how imperative it is that we ordinary people start working on positive change within the elective system. In my opinion all the DNC participants should lose their jobs and be made to cool their heels in jail a while, because without consequences we may as well just burn the Constitution and Bill of Rights right now and be done with it, for all the respect these documents are given by our politicians. What a revolting mess it all is on both sides, with ordinary people the losers, as always.
Lorenzo68 , 2016-07-24 17:10:03
Are you constipated? Blame it on Russia.
farright -> Lorenzo68 , 2016-07-24 17:22:05
Bad haircut? Blame Russia?
Puro , 2016-07-24 17:09:52
Oh and blaming Russia for revealing the truth. The truth was not attacked, but who revealed the truth is suddenly the bad guy. So desperate and out of sorts. :)
furminator -> Puro , 2016-07-24 17:20:53
There's no proof, besides an unsourced article in the Washington Post form 'security experts', that Russia had anything to do with this. What we do know is that immediately after the leaks became public various news outlets produced obviously planted hit pieces claiming some kind of collusion between the Trump campaign and Putin, and again with precisely zero evidence as back up. It's gob smacking that the Clinton campaign would risk an international incident with a nuclear power to cover for their shitty behaviour, but then again it's Hillary Clinton so perhaps not.
JVRTRL , 2016-07-24 17:09:24
A big part of the problem is that Debbie Wasserman Schultz (DWS) is still in her position. If the Democratic Party place a value on performance, she should have been fired after the 2014 mid-terms.

Part of the problem is that the DNC is too closely aligned with the interests of one political family. Competence and other considerations count for a lot less than loyalty. DWS kept her position because of the ties to Clinton and Clintons donors, not because she did a good job and grew the party. The opposite has happened.

Frankly, Obama bears some degree of responsibility for this because he's the one who canned Howard Dean, who actually had a track record of success at winning elections and growing the party through two election cycles. Instead Obama replaced him with a guy like Tim Kaine, who wasn't up to the task either. Dean also did a good job of navigating the very difficult 2008 election. Kaine and DWS did poorly in the capacity as DNC Chair.

As president, Obama has done a lot right. But his neglect of the DNC is part of his legacy, and it isn't a good one.

Lester Smithson , 2016-07-24 17:08:20
That's nice that those damn Russians 'stole' their email. However, those damn Russians didn't write them. I dislike and distrust Hillary and DWS more now that I did a week ago, and that takes some doing. Hillary is Nixon. Paranoid. Dishonest. Devious.
qqqqqqmn , 2016-07-24 17:04:21
how in the name of god can the overly compensated chairwoman of the democratic party conspire against a candidate supported by nearly half of democratic primary voters ???
kcma79 qqqqqqmn , 2016-07-24 17:11:10
Arrogance, power, support, money. Her overpowering arrogance has been a problem for a long time.
mrmetrowest Haigin88 , 2016-07-24 17:13:27
Kaine is in the same boat as Clinton on the TPP - the Good Ship Hypocrite. Both hope like hell that TPP gets passed in the lame duck so they can make a show of being against it to gain some progressive cred. If Obama and his colleagues Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan can't get TPP done before his term ends, Clinton and Kaine's reservations re TPP will disappear faster than a snowflake in July. It's like Clinton's about face on the Keystone pipeline - she got a heads up from Obama that he wasn't going to approve it anyway, so she came out against it.
monteverdi1610 , 2016-07-24 16:57:30
I love the irony of the comment from the Clinton Campaign..... '' This is further evidence the Russian Government is trying to influence the outcome of an election ''.

Heavens forbid that the USA would ever stoop so low as to try and influence the outcome of other Countries elections !!!
It of course being totally above Americians to indulge such devious behaviour .

europeangrayling monteverdi1610 , 2016-07-24 17:06:33
Very true, and Hillary was happy to support the violent Honduras coup of an elected government and still very much supports that new violent regime. And the new regime is very friendly to western big corporate 'interests'. Of course. Hillary is old-school.
beenheretoolong , 2016-07-24 16:54:41
Doesn't matter who did it, the Russians, Anonymous, Edward Snowden. The point is that the DNC is revealed as partisan and rigged. In addition to minimizing her role at the convention, I believe Wasserman Schultz should be dumped from any position of leadership, along with other DNC leaders. No wonder people are fed up with politics as usual.
Anonymot , 2016-07-24 16:57:05
"Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook said on Sunday that "experts are telling us that Russian state actors broke into the DNC, stole these emails, [and are] releasing these emails for the purpose of helping Donald Trump."
And Mook is the expert who whispered that lie in his own ear.

Great photo, Mook the Spook, her lover, a few bigtime aids. They got caught like Nixon's plumbers at Watergate. So they would like to blame the Russians for their writing calumnies and antiSemitic slanders against Sanders. They look pretty stupid!

gunnison , 2016-07-24 16:54:09

Mook said on Sunday that "experts are telling us that Russian state actors broke into the DNC, stole these emails, [and are] releasing these emails for the purpose of helping Donald Trump."

It may indeed be Russian hackers who gained access to the emails which confirm the DNC was all along in the tank for Clinton, and was actively placing a thumb on the scale from day one in the primary process.

Sanders knew it, and we as his supporters also knew it and made reference to that very issue repeatedly in countless comment threads here at the Guardian and elsewhere.

But the bottom line here is that if the DNC had not so conspired, there would be no emails to leak, now would there?
For Mook and others to now be placing blame on the hackers, rather than on those who produced the embarrassing material that the hackers exposed, is diversionary and inexcusable.

The Clinton campaign is moving closer and closer to blowing this election completely and allowing the most dangerous candidacy I've ever seen in my lifetime actually win this thing.

They've already selected a VP pick which effectively thumbs their nose at the very progressives whose enthusiasm they will need at the voting booths, and now here they are trying to deflect blame for unconscionable skullduggery in the primary process onto foreign actors.
Debbie Wassermann Schultz should have been fired long ago, so blatant and obvious were her shenanigans.

This kind of tone-deaf ineptitude could see all of us paying an unimaginable price in November. All it will take at this point is a few more mass shootings (at which we here in the US have a particular talent) to feed into Trump's narrative and we'll all be waking up in January in a country we don't even recognize.

ZombieMessiah -> gunnison , 2016-07-24 17:03:26
That's pretty much how I see things playing out, but with the DNC blaming the progressives for not being enthusiastic enough about Hillary.
Informed17 -> CarlosDaaanger , 2016-07-24 16:57:03
The funniest thing is, they don't even deny the authenticity of the emails. Basically, DNC says that someone is guilty of revealing the truth. You can hardly stoop any lower. Blaming Russia is just a cherry on the cake.
newjerseyboi , 2016-07-24 17:34:38
Just saw Bernie on CNN basically saying the Nr1 priority is to defeat D. Trump, then keep fighting the good fight from within the Democratic Party trying to reform it from within.
A big thing he misses here that the top honcho Mrs Hillary Clinton is one of the main reasons of what the Democratic Party has become. She will be a huge obstruction to anything resembling reform. You might as well pack up and go 3rd party and show the Dems that way what American voters want.

4 years of Trump might actually be a lot better to shake up the corrupt DNC then 4-8 years of Hillary and who knows how many years of Republicans 2 follow (and believe me, Hillary will do a lot of damage to the democratic brand!)

AfinaPallada , 2016-07-24 17:34:20
Clinton is desperate to lurk voters by anything, then let it be those Russians that hacked her mail. A Russian proverb to the point - "A bad dancer always blames his balls that hamper him".
furminator , 2016-07-24 17:31:47
If they'd backed off, allowed their MSM protectors to bury the story, this whole thing would have died down in a week. A few angry Bernie Bros notwithstanding there's nothing in the emails that we didn't know already. Yes the DNC and the Hillary Clinton campaign were one and the same....shock! Yes sections of the corporate owned media are colluding with the Democratic Party....wowsers!! But no, they couldn't help themselves. Now we've got the Democratic nominee for the Presidency alleging, with zero proof, that her opponent is engaged in a conspiracy to commit criminal acts with a foreign power! Seriously who thought this was a good idea?
mijkmijld , 2016-07-24 17:31:26
How nice to have an eternal scapegoat: TheRussiansAreComing!TheRussiansAreComing! This will obviously be RodHam's theme as President. Perhaps to the point of annihilation. Neo-Conne!
smokinbluebear , 2016-07-24 17:31:25
Sanders should demand that Tulsi Gabbard replace DWS at the convention (or as VP)
PottyPants , 2016-07-24 17:31:20
My biggest issue with Hillary from the start has been her continued nonchalance when it comes to matters of national security. She acts as if she is above the need to keep sensitive information safe from potential enemies, both foreign and domestic. That's a pretty scary attitude coming from someone who is likely to be this nation's next leader.
Janosik53 , 2016-07-24 17:29:59
Hillary Wasserman Clinton Kaine--the same democratic corruptocracy; plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Putin is waiting to release Hillary's SoS emails. October Surprise, anyone? Bwah-ha-ha-ha.

BigL64 , 2016-07-24 17:29:20
It's amazing. Caught red handed and still deflecting. Take responsibility for Christ sake!
HenneyAndPizza , 2016-07-24 17:27:56
lol

Putin ate my homework (TM). What Debbie and the gang did is worse, much worse than this sorry article tries to portray. For example, what sort of Democratic Party tries to use Bearnie's religion agsinst him ?!?

".....Several of the emails released indicate that the officials, including Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, grew increasingly agitated with Clinton's rival, Bernie Sanders, and his campaign as the primary season advanced, in one instance even floating bringing up Sanders' religion to try and minimize his support.

****"It might may [sic] no difference, but for KY and WA can we get someone to ask his belief," Brad Marshall, CFO of DNC, wrote in an email on May 5, 2016. "Does he believe in God. He had skated on saying he has a Jewish heritage.

I read he is an atheist. This could make several points difference with my peeps. My southern baptist peeps woudl draw a big difference between a Jew and an atheist."****

"Amy Dacey, CEO of the DNC, subsequently responded "AMEN," according to the email"

Yikes!

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/emails-released-wikileaks-show-dnc-aid-hillary-clinton/story?id=40815253

And this is the "democracy" they keep telling you is the 'better of two evils'.

Hilarious

JelloBeyonce , 2016-07-24 16:53:50
The more interesting part is that this blame is just a distraction from the larger issue, that the entire political system is corrupted and broken. This is just business as usual, only this instance was revealed.

Has anyone here worked, I mean truly worked in the pre-election process, behind the scenes, witnessing the dirty business that is gathering electoral votes during caucuses and primaries? It is a total sham. It is where under-the-table deals are made for promised loyalties to certain candidates, where those that have the most, bribe others to vote a certain way, where quid pro quo rules over democracy or a candidates stance on issues and/or policies. It is where future cabinet positions are secured, based on allegiance to party hierarchy and strong-arming. Your vote means nothing, only a small select group determines candidates, and ultimately the president.

DNC Chair Wasserman is just one cog in a massive political machine, one run rampantly out of control. And this happens on both sides, among both parties. It is where the personal selfish love of money, power, and fame outstrip the will of the people.

Long live hackers for keeping a check on an obviously corrupted system. The mainstream media isn't doing their jobs anymore, someone has to. The media have merely become the pretorian band for the super class, those elite that truly control this country from behind the scenes, pulling the puppet strings attached to the soulless politicians.

We are again presented with two candidates whom have each proven their desire to negate the will of the nation, for purely selfish reasons. Neither is truly qualified for this office.

"There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to trust no [hu]man living with the power to endanger the public liberty".
-John Adams-

"Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become more corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters"
-Ben Franklin-

[Aug 28, 2016] People really want to see Donald and Hillary on Dancing With The Stars.

www.moonofalabama.org
dh | Aug 26, 2016 1:48:16 PM | 27
There's a whole new demographic out there raised on twitter and potty jokes. What they really want is to see Donald and Hillary on Dancing With The Stars.

[Aug 27, 2016] "Oh, so you don't have soul either?!

Hillary has also stated publicly that "Putin has no soul" (to which Putin replied "at least I have a brain):
www.moonofalabama.org

[Aug 27, 2016] Mental deficiency in action: Vladimir Putin is the grand-godfather of this global brand of extreme nationalism. , said Hillary Clinton while standing in front of a gigantic American Flag, without a trace of Irony detectable in her voice

"Hillary Clinton is completely devoid of any sense of irony or humour. She's a complete emotional and, I would add, intellectual dud."
Notable quotes:
"... Hillary Clinton is completely devoid of any sense of irony or humour. She's a complete emotional and, I would add, intellectual dud. ..."
www.moonofalabama.org

Shillary | Aug 26, 2016 5:22:34 PM | 50

Lol PRAVDA

During a campaign rally in Nevada, US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton spoke about the dangers of right-wing forces in power, as well as about problems of racism.

"Clinton noted that her rival Donald Trump supported the policies of Russian President Vladimir Putin. As for relations with Russia, the views of Donald Trump come contrary to the views of all American presidents, from "Truman to Reagan."

"He talks casually of abandoning our NATO allies, recognizing Russia's annexation of Crimea, giving the Kremlin a free hand in eastern Europe. American presidents from Truman, to Reagan, to Bush, to Clinton, to Obama have rejected the kind of approach Trump is taking on Russia. And we should, too," Clinton said.

"Vladimir Putin is the grand-godfather of this global brand of extreme nationalism.", Hillary Clinton said", (while standing in front of a gigantic American Flag, without a trace of Irony detectable in her voice)

Hoarsewhisperer | Aug 27, 2016 2:55:01 AM | 71
...
"Vladimir Putin is the grand-godfather of this global brand of extreme nationalism.", Hillary Clinton said, (while standing in front of a gigantic American Flag, without a trace of Irony detectable in her voice).
Posted by: Shillary | Aug 26, 2016 5:22:34 PM | 50

Yep. Dangerously stupid. Superficial and self-absorbed Hollywoodishness; the polar opposite of self-aware.

Quentin | Aug 27, 2016 6:32:49 AM | 78

Shillary @50 -- Hillary Clinton is completely devoid of any sense of irony or humour. She's a complete emotional and, I would add, intellectual dud. She seems to be a good lawyer, though --- in the US lawyers as far as the eye can see.

[Aug 27, 2016] Artists Impression Of Hillary Clintons Old Office

Notable quotes:
"... Source: MichaelPRamirez.com ..."
www.zerohedge.com

Presented with no comment...

Source: MichaelPRamirez.com

Here2Go d nmewn •Aug 27, 2016 8:37 PM
Is that Huma in a blue dress under the Resolute desk?
Pairadimes d Here2Go •Aug 27, 2016 9:14 PM
Ramirez is a genius.
zeronetwork d debtor of last resort •Aug 27, 2016 8:15 PM

The thought process Donald has started is not going to fade very soon. Still few weeks before election. I am sure Donald got some more cards in his sleeve.
are we there yet •Aug 27, 2016 8:36 PM
I have a solution for Hillary's in-continuance and mobility declining problems. The chair behind the presidents desk should be a wheelchair with a bedpan. Otherwise the term 'campaign trail' will take on a whole new meaning.

[Aug 25, 2016] Hillary Clintons Liberal Elite Summer Tour,

Notable quotes:
"... "Please use caution in opening the overhead bins, as Hillary's baggage may have shifted during flight," the "flight attendant" says as the ad ends. ..."
Aug 25, 2016 | angrybearblog.com

The 19-second video, titled "Hillary Clinton's Liberal Elite Summer Tour," begins with an image of an airplane bearing Clinton's logo. A voiceover resembling an announcement from a flight attendant names some of the stops on Clinton's schedule, including Los Angeles, Beverly Hills and Martha's Vineyard.

"Please use caution in opening the overhead bins, as Hillary's baggage may have shifted during flight," the "flight attendant" says as the ad ends.

Clinton spent her weekend on Martha's Vineyard and held a fundraiser in Nantucket. On Tuesday, Clinton is headlining a $33,400-per-guest event being hosted by Justin Timberlake and his wife, actress Jessica Biel.

"Hillary Clinton claims she's running to be a champion for 'everyday Americans,' but her busy week of fundraisers with her friends in the wealthy liberal elite show who she's really fighting for," RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said in a statement. "Rather than visit flood-ravaged Louisiana or end her more than 250-day streak without a press conference, she's taking her private jet from coast to coast raking in piles of campaign cash to fund her status quo campaign.

"Donald Trump is the candidate of true change in this election, and he is leading a grassroots movement to put an end to business as usual in Washington and make a difference in the lives of all Americans."

New RNC ad attacks Clinton's fundraisers , Rebecca Morin, Politico, yesterday

[Aug 14, 2016] The African Plant

www.counterpunch.org

A recent NBC news poll shows that 72 percent of registered Republicans still aren't sure whether Barack Obama was born in the United States. It wasn't clear from the poll data how many Republicans consider Hawai'i part of the US. Let's cut them a break and assume that most of them recognize the legitimacy of the Islands of Aloha.

I'm a little sympathetic to their theory. In fact, I'm "all in" for a US President who was secretly born on the African continent. But don't you think the Kenyans could have come up with a better plant than Obama?

[Aug 12, 2016] Meet the Hookers for Hillary

I wonder for how many of them Slick Willie was a patron ;-).
Notable quotes:
"... According to the National Task Force on Prostitution , it's estimated that well over 1 million people in the U.S. have worked as prostitutes - or roughly 1 percent of American women. If this campaign is a success, that could translate into some serious voting power. ..."
The Daily Beast


"Everyday Americans need a champion," Hillary Clinton proclaimed in her YouTube video. "And I want to be that champion."

Yes, few were surprised when Hilary Clinton announced her campaign for the 2016 U.S. presidential race, but many were surprised by some of her early supporters. Since that announcement, the lovable ladies of Nevada's renowned Moonlite Bunny Ranch have come out in support of our former first lady in a serious, potentially large-scale campaign called "Hookers for Hillary." These Everyday Americans have chosen their candidate.

... ... ...

Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof agrees. "With Obamacare the girls were able to buy good health insurance and without it they weren't able to. Since Day One when I bought the brothel in 1992 no legal prostitute could get health insurance," says Hof.

According to the National Task Force on Prostitution, it's estimated that well over 1 million people in the U.S. have worked as prostitutes - or roughly 1 percent of American women. If this campaign is a success, that could translate into some serious voting power.

[Aug 12, 2016] Meet the Hookers for Hillary

I wonder for how many of them Slick Willie was a patron ;-).
Notable quotes:
"... According to the National Task Force on Prostitution , it's estimated that well over 1 million people in the U.S. have worked as prostitutes - or roughly 1 percent of American women. If this campaign is a success, that could translate into some serious voting power. ..."
The Daily Beast


"Everyday Americans need a champion," Hillary Clinton proclaimed in her YouTube video. "And I want to be that champion."

Yes, few were surprised when Hilary Clinton announced her campaign for the 2016 U.S. presidential race, but many were surprised by some of her early supporters. Since that announcement, the lovable ladies of Nevada's renowned Moonlite Bunny Ranch have come out in support of our former first lady in a serious, potentially large-scale campaign called "Hookers for Hillary." These Everyday Americans have chosen their candidate.

... ... ...

Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof agrees. "With Obamacare the girls were able to buy good health insurance and without it they weren't able to. Since Day One when I bought the brothel in 1992 no legal prostitute could get health insurance," says Hof.

According to the National Task Force on Prostitution, it's estimated that well over 1 million people in the U.S. have worked as prostitutes - or roughly 1 percent of American women. If this campaign is a success, that could translate into some serious voting power.

[Aug 01, 2016] When Snowden first fled the country in 2013, Clinton stated that she could never condone what he did.

www.trueactivist.com

She said the former NSA employee was a "Traitor" who had "blood on his hands," reports DailyCaller.

Again, intriguing, considering that the war criminal is to blame for destabilizing Haiti and making Libya a failed state – among other unsavory accomplishments

[Aug 01, 2016] Hillary Clinton Gives Honest Speech To Goldman Sachs, Stuns Audience Into Silence

Warning: Satire!
www.trueactivist.com
The following is a leaked transcript of Hillary Clinton's first speech to Goldman Sachs delivered on 6/04/2013. Two other speeches are also rumored to be in circulation awaiting publication. This is the full transcript. Secretary Clinton received $225,000 for this speech. The speech has not been confirmed or authenticated.

CLINTON: Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you very much, Lloyd [Blankfein], and thanks to everyone at Goldman Sachs for welcoming me today. I'm delighted to be back among friends, colleagues, collaborators, supporters, kindred spirits

Let me jump right in. You know, over the past few months, there have been popular concerns about an economy that still isn't delivering for the majority of Americans. It's not "delivering" the way that they feel it should, that they feel entitled to. Most Americans that you speak to, speak a populist rhetoric that claims it is stacked for those at the top, that those of you here have it too good.

(Laughter)

But we know the hopes that the little people have for their future - things like school, job, food, clothing on their backs– all of those little things would not be possible without your leadership and innovation. Since the time of the Medicis, even before, and the financing of the first joint stock companies in the transatlantic slave trade, we know that finance and banking is what makes our capitalist economy not just grow but tick

Previous generations of Americans built this economy and a middle class on a collective illusion: that they do productive work, this creates wealth, and that this builds the economy. We all know how misguided that is. We know that it's really due to your investing, credit, and economic stewardship, that they have been able to work at all, that they are able to put food on their tables. It's due to you and other banking, trading, investment houses that we have an economy that works at all. You are why we are a truly 21st century economic power.

(Applause)

You, Lloyd, and your colleagues, have been instrumental in that. People say you are overpaid or even parasitic, parasites on the economic body, and they quote a long line of seemingly "unethical behavior". They equate with you everything that is wrong and immoral with Capitalism, they charge that you have acted ruthlessly and unethically, "rigging every major market bubble since the Great Depression".

(Hissing)

But I-contrary to populist, hysterical demonizing–firmly believe that what you do is essential and critical: you help allocate our investment, direct our economic development, hedge risks, and create power, policies, and alliances in ways that make our country stronger, richer, more powerful, more innovative, competitive, and yes, more "democratic". You underwrite our elections and our political process-taking on the huge cost of enabling democratic dialogue at its biggest, broadest capacity. Your tireless work adds true value, and without you, we would still be struggling helplessly against industrial powerhouses in Asia and across the world trying to compete with them on the level of industry, technology, innovation, and hard work, at which they would beat us hands down. It's your financial innovation, your speculative tools, which allow us new ways of creating value without sweat or struggle, that gives us the competitive advantage. It's this vision, this technological innovation, this financial wizardry, this is what makes America great and powerful.

(Applause)

For decades, people have argued that if we give more wealth to those at top by cutting taxes and letting you and other corporations write the own rules, it will trickle down, it will trickle down to everyone else. And it has! My speech here is an example!

(Cackles, Waves Check)

(Laughter).

But seriously, I believe that the work of Goldman Sachs is critical for us, and without you, America would be a faint shadow of its current greatness. Your work in innovating finance, in creating new sources of wealth and investment, your tireless efforts stimulating the creation of new financial instruments, in lobbying politicians, in monopolizing the treasury and cabinet, in setting and binding the parameters of financial regulation that allows fluidity and flexibility in investment and speculation, this allows us to create wealth-almost out of thin air. It's this alchemy, this genius, this Midas touch-which is one of the most under-appreciated and under-acknowledged contributions in modern economic history.

(Applause)

It's fair to say that you have transformed the solid, clunky, friction-laiden trading of traditional commodity speculation into responsive, intelligent, liquid flows, that have vaporized every barrier and transformed into an expansive, responsive, endlessly expanding gas that fills every atom of our productive economic space that generates immeasurable value everywhere it goes, and everything it touches. Who cares that it's a little chaotic or "unethical"? That it seems tied to every financial scandal and crisis and economic catastrophe in history? Not me. "Creative Destruction" is all part of the game, and you are masters of it.

(Applause)

Some will say that you are simply parasitic on those who labor at menial physical production-these are people who still subscribe to 18 Century notions of value production–and that you skim off profit without doing anything meaningful or of value. Those people are misguided: we know that if money never sleeps, that's because you keep it awake! You have-if I may use a metaphor–injected money with caffeine, Adderal, crack, meth, with LSD so that it can dance the crazy dance and grow a crazy thousand psychedelic feet tall in a rainbow minute! Money was a lazy b*tch, until you put it to work! And look how it works! Look how it grows! Materializes out of nowhere!

(Waves check again, dances, cackles).

Some people have said that it was your irresponsible financial engineering, risk-taking, and profit-seeking, that led to the 2008 crash; that you shorted your own toxic mortgages in the most brazen securities fraud in financial history, dynamiting and imploding the global economy; and that the exorbitant bonuses paid from tax payer money, the financial bailouts, the non-prosecutions created moral hazard, rewarded avarice, incompetence, corruption and vice. You and I know it is nothing of the sort. As leaders, innovators, captains of finance, you will always be subject of the jealous resentment, the petty tantrums of the unwashed masses, the insolvent, the irresponsible, the invidious, the losers. They will envy you, your successes, they will despise you, but they secretly want to be like you!

(Laughter)

As you know, my husband tried very hard to change the culture of this misbegotten underclass, by kicking them off the government teat, by poisoning their milk with harsh, bitter regulation, and by disciplining them with the most arbitrary, racist, punitive, devastating criminal laws in US history, laws which Richard Nixon, the Southern strategists, the slave catchers, could only have dreamed of. He also passed NAFTA, which told them in no uncertain terms that they needed to discipline themselves as workers, and learn to be competitive in the global sweatshop, or face certain extinction. But they have not learned their lesson.

(Hissing)

The effects prove themself. Under President Clinton - I like the sound of that!- America saw the longest, most prodigious reaming of the undesirable classes in our history, putting them firmly in their places. And they loved it! He felt their pain! And relished it! Because he was inflicting it!

(Applause)

And I will too!

(Applause)

Now today - today, another capitalist crisis looms, bigger and more dangerous than 2008, and again we hear sentimental cries for populist reform. I believe we have to stave off these demands to reform the banking and the financial system, and restructure the economy more equitably. You can't build an economy without the smart people-the Titans and Gods of Finance-like you–to direct the economy, and for the smart people to do their work, you need to be rewarded for your efforts, and you need a free hand to exercise your brilliance.

(Applause)

Books like "The Spirit Level" and organizations working for equality, certain politicians, spew a ridiculous myth of populism and the benefits of equality. But the fact is, we can't create profitable businesses without exploitation, and we can't grow the economy without speculation and inequality, and we certainly can't boost our economy into the stratosphere without allowing you to exercise your amazing financial intelligence and acumen in fiscal number-crunching, speculation, numbers-running and fraud!

(Applause)

Just think of this: can you imagine a football game without gambling? It would be dull, mind-numbing-who would watch steroid-addled jocks rut and slam into each other mindlessly without having put down money on the outcome? Who would pay the huge salaries for these vapid idiots? It's only because you have bet on the outcome that people become excited about the sport: it becomes life-and-death-thrilling! It becomes paint-your-face-get-shit-faced exciting! Act-stupid-exciting! That's what you do: you add excitement, thrill, value, and enthusiasm to the dull, dirty job of growing the economy, you make the game exciting, sexy, which draws more money into the game, the casino, that expands the excitement, grows the customer base, develops the economy, and that's priceless! You speculate, stimulate, titillate, dynamize, satyriasize the entire economy! I am such a fan! Go Goldman Sachs!

(Does little cheerleading number, complete with hand gestures)

Gooold-Maaan-Sachs!

(Applause)

Let's tell the truth: America is struggling-despite the endless fabrication about "the recovery"– because we are not yet running the way we should. Banks are still over regulated. It's over-regulation that creates financial catastrophe! Despite your huge paychecks and squirreled away assets, I know that you are worried: worried that some "socialist" demagogue might come along and confiscate it all and put you all in jail. With president Obama, you were in good hands: he's one of us. (Good thing you ponied up $981K for his campaign). He took good care of you, had your back, covered your financial rear. But populist sentiment is rising up again, more strongly than before, and the unwashed masses are full of resentment, anger, jealousy. They are angry that they don't have jobs, that they are in debt, that they can't scrape a living together, even though they are working, 2,3,4 jobs to put shelter over their heads. That their children are starving. That they cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. They are angry about the 100 million people driven into the brink of starvation and the global food riots that they claim you caused with your commodity futures speculation. The $5Trillion of value lost from the markets that they claim you collapsed. The millions who lost their homes and are now on the verge of homelessness. The trillions funneled to you in loans, write-offs, bribes to keep the system going. Even when I was working for Barry (Goldwater), I felt that same irrational resentment. Now it's at an all time high. Irresponsible single mothers, uneducated immigrants, lead-drinking ghetto-strutters, homeless, crying, babies, starving senior citizens, obnoxious, entitled African Americans who object to having bullets pumped into their bodies by police: all these people are angry, entitled, and making noise, and they are endangering our democracy and economy, our greatness.

(Hissing)

I hear this everywhere I go. A single mother, with three children-wants to go to college, find enjoyable, well-paid work and also enjoy the emotional luxuries of motherhood-all at the same time. Everyone feels entitled to everything. She even wants housing. Now even I couldn't do all these things, despite my incredible privilege and intelligence. But they want it all, now. Three children?

(Booing)

A grandmother, playing with children-it makes her happy like a cow, but she still feels entitled to be paid. Because she wants to feed her drug habit, she wants to sell them for more money .she wants it all!

(Booing)

A student, with an unmarketable degree in women's studies, specializing in medieval feminist villanelles, wants debt forgiveness, and a high-paid job putting her non-existent skills analyzing romance language texts to use and profit in a rewarding cause. She also wants a pony, a sensitive but dominant lover, a villa on the Riviera, and World Peace!

(Cackles).

(Laughter)

Millions of working sad-sack Americans have similar fantasies. They want more money. More pay. Decent wages for hard work. They think it grows on trees. They think that money will grow and nuzzle up to them in their sleep, when they have no money-appeal. They think they can tax Other People's Money to get what they want. They don't realize Money has to be jacked up the ass, stuck in the veins with meth, dragged out and pimped to make more! You have figured out how to make your money work, turned it into a profit-generating prostitute! The future expected earnings of a profit-generating prostitute! That you've shorted! These people, idiots, all of them, they expect money to come to them! Without Scheming! Without reaming others! By working hard and being good! Like puppies and ponies! Like flowers after a downpour! Like the lilies of the valley! Like utopian visions of a drug-addled socialist!

(Laughter)

Wages need to be kept down, and people just need to work harder. Damn harder. At least as hard as Bill worked to keep Haiti down.

(Applause)

We must lower incomes for low-value working schmucks, so they give up on any notions of a middle-class life. But more than that, we must reduce the slick, unsustainable bigotry of expectation: the profit-sucking cage of entitlement, expectation, and imagination. We must drive income down steadily and siphon that surplus wealth to you, the captains of finance, so that we can build a strong economy that is innovative, powerful, that acknowledges and rewards your acumen

(Applause)

And that will be my mission, from the first day I am president to the last. I

(Applause)

I will get up every day thinking about you, the hard-working Wizards of Finance, Lords of Capital, Economic Giants of Innovation, Noble Titans that make us strong and powerful!

(Applause)

I came from a petit-bourgeois family with a drapery business that exploited workers to give me good middle-class life, a first-class education, and my incorrigibly elitist beliefs. It put me on third base, instead of striking out. As I try to steal home, I will be thinking about all the Wall Street bankers that I represented in New York and the "advice" that they gave me, and I will work with them-for you– to give them the maximum freedom to do what's best for them. Because what's best for Wall Street is what's best for the US. What's best for Goldman Sachs is what's best for the planet. I promise to take on this challenge against the clamoring, whining, agitating babies demanding for major changes in our economy and the global economy, demanding for equity and justice. These demands are stupid beyond belief.

(Laughter)

As you know, advances in financial technology and global trade have created new areas of commercial activity and opened new markets for our exports. Too often policy wonks want to resort to protectionist measures because they don't realize that these treaties are designed to suck wealth out of the third world and suck it into your portfolios. These people suffer from a lack of big-picture thinking. They believe that they are still going to be building widgets in a factory if it were not for the 1 billion Chinese stealing their jobs. They don't understand that we are sucking the lifeblood out of both of the Chinese and all workers-the vampire squid with the blood funnel-creating value, wealth, growth!

(Cackles)

Today's marketplace focuses on the short-term, instantaneous financial trading, and short-term earnings reports, and that's just how it should be. Those who are struggling need to rent out their living rooms, garages, bathrooms, dog houses, sell trinkets on EBay, sell themselves, their time and their bodies in the gig economy. All of this creates exciting, dynamic extra wealth, which should go to you, the geniuses of the universe, because you are the ones driving this with your investments, speculations, deregulation, policy capture, and of course outright bribes. There's no problem that a little more liberalization and deregulation can't make better!

(Takes out check and cackles)

[Aug 01, 2016] American Horror Story - Welcome to the Scream Room

Medium

This week it's the Democrats, with their tired-looking cast-members repeating lines that sounded hokey the first time in between guest appearances by beloved celebrities all hoping the networks won't cancel. They've got the script and they've got the stars, but they're still trying to find the right narrative arc, because the American public's disbelief is rapidly losing suspension. This is not politics, not as I know it at home. This is something else. This is pantomime.

There is a certain look that I've been sharing with other visiting foreign journalists this week and it is just that - a look, sometimes with the hands spread in a horrified half shrug, because sometimes there are just no words, even when there have to be, you know, because that's how we make rent.

How to possibly express the choreographed insanity of this brassy, breadless circus? How are we meant to actually communicate like human beings when we are trapped here, sweating on the floor of the dream factory as they hand out buttons and baseball caps plastered with empty slogans? It reminds me, more than anything else, of a music festival, down to the overpriced snacks, the complicated entry system, the constant impression that the weather is trying to kill you, and the way that normal rules are suspended as we pretend, briefly, that another world is possible. Specifically, world where the political process is simple and unsaleable, and strong leaders can change things for the better. A world where hope is feasible and our votes matter and we all go, as Philip Larkin once said, down the long slide to happiness, endlessly.

... ... ...

This is not practical politics. This is pure pageantry, pure mythmaking in a nation that has always survived by singing a song of itself. A nation of three hundred million souls and half a billion guns torn apart by violence and uncertainty, held together by pomp and circumstance and precious little else. What is on show at the conventions is very different from the politics that exist, day to day, month to month, as a material force in people's material lives. The conventions are a bubble universe where we all, press and public and PR people and random rain-soaked flunkies, try to float on suspension-strings of disbelief. We know we're being lied to. Those complaining about the lies have missed the point.

... ... ...

Here's the story the Democrats are selling. They cannot persuade America, or the world, that liberalism is plausible, that change will come in a way that makes a meaningful difference to millions of lives; what they are offering, in practical terms, is the vestige of democracy against the certainty of dictatorship. They are offering things not getting quite so much worse quite so fast. That's a hard sell.

[Jul 26, 2016] 'Is this journalism' CBS News just fell into its own puddle of drool for Michelle Obama

twitchy.com

twitchy.com

Sara Miller @Millerita

Good lord, CBS. At least try to hide that erection. :-)

[Jul 25, 2016] The prayer of Hillarybot

Tony Page , 2016-07-25 14:09:51
There is no Debbie Wasserman. There has never been any Debbie Wasserman. The Party is unified. The Party has always been unified. The Great Leader, Hillary...

[Jul 18, 2016] Meet Melania Trump, a new model for first lady

Slick Willie even in his age can do a lot of damage to female White House staffers in White House bedroom, given enough spare time ;-)
The Washington Post

James Cageby, 10/3/2015 7:31 PM EDT

The prospect of Melania as FLOTUS sure beats the prospect of Willie Clinton as FLOTUS

[Jul 09, 2016] "It is with great reluctance that I have agreed to this calling. I love democracy. I love the Republic. Once this crisis has abated, I will lay down the powers you have given me!" - Emperor Clinton

[Jul 07, 2016] Let's talk about families

What an inversion – this must be the first time it was good for Hillary that her husband had a scandalous private meeting with a younger woman.

[Jun 26, 2016] http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/a-visit-from-tech-support-for-hillary-clinton

TECH SUPPORT: Hi, Secretary Clinton? I'm Liz, from tech support. Your assistant said that you needed help getting Outlook on your phone?

SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON: Oh, hi. Great. Come on in.

TECH: This shouldn't take too long. Are you working on a Blackberry or an iPhone?

CLINTON: God, who knows. I have so many devices these days.

TECH: Really? How many?

CLINTON: Two.

TECH: That shouldn't be a problem. So let's get Outlook fired up here. O.K. Hmm. It looks like you haven't set up an account yet?

CLINTON: I've been using my hdr22@clintonemail.com address.

TECH: Most State Department employees prefer to use a state.gov address.

CLINTON: I don't know that I would describe my role here as "employee."

TECH: Right. Well, it's sort of a best-practice thing. We can make sure that all your correspondence is secure this way, and it'll make it easier to comply with FOIA requests.

CLINTON: Why would there be a FOIA request?

TECH: You're right. There won't be. But I like to say you can never be too careful.

CLINTON: I guess. Liz, between you and me, I'm not really a big e-mailer. I pretty much only use it for stuff like planning Chelsea's wedding and chatting with my yoga instructor about whether we should impose sanctions on Iran.

TECH: It's still good to get this set up. Go ahead and connect your device to the computer.

CLINTON: . . .

TECH: You can use that U.S.B. portal.

CLINTON: . . .

TECH: Here, it's just this cord. O.K., I'm noticing that you have a lot of documents just saved to your desktop. It's really safer to save them directly on the State Department server.

CLINTON: I'll be sure to do that.

TECH: That way they're password-protected. And again, FOIA.

CLINTON: I'm less worried about that than you are.

TECH: You're the boss! O.K., next go to "Settings."

CLINTON: . . .

TECH: It looks like a little gear symbol.

CLINTON: Oh! There it is.

TECH: Then to go to "General."

CLINTON: . . .

TECH: . . .

CLINTON: . . .

TECH: It's down next to-

CLINTON: I got it, all right? Jesus.

TECH: Follow the prompt for e-mail.

CLINTON: I'm not seeing it.

TECH: It's right there next-

CLINTON: Please don't point. I'll never learn that way.

TECH: O.K., sorry. Keep scrolling.

CLINTON: Is it under Bluetooth? What is Bluetooth?

TECH: No, it's-

CLINTON: Do I need to be in Dropbox?

TECH: What? No. Just click e-mail.

CLINTON: Got it!

TECH: Great. Let's get you rolling with a username and a password. Feel free to really be creative here. Some people use their pets' names, or the name of their high school.

CLINTON: How about just "password"?

TECH: That's sort of not ideal.

CLINTON: O.K., how about "Benghazi"?

TECH: Perfect. It's hard to spell and it doesn't have any special significance.

CLINTON: So I'm done?

TECH: Not quite, but we're close. Now input your username and password.

CLINTON: I am. It's not accepting "Benghazi."

TECH: Hmm. That's O.K. This is a known issue. Let's try "retrieve password."

CLINTON: I'm hitting it but nothing's happening.

TECH: Do you mind if I take over?

CLINTON: Fine. But I won't learn.

TECH: Here's the problem. It needs a number. Can we do a different password? Maybe "MrsPrez16"? That's good, right?

CLINTON: That's terrible, but I don't care.

TECH: Hey, Madam Secretary, I get that this is frustrating. Believe me. Just remember that we're on the same team here.

CLINTON: Sorry. UGH. I put in "MrsPrez16" and it's rejecting that too!

TECH: You know, it's probably because you're not using a trusted wifi network. O.K., go back to Settings.

CLINTON: You know what, I'm just going to stick with my personal account. No one is going to care.

TECH: You're probably right. Honestly, this system is so clunky; I've been forwarding stuff to my Gmail since 2006.

CLINTON: Can you get me set up with a Gmail?

TECH: I'm really not supposed to.

CLINTON: Fine. But while you're here, could you help me change my Facebook picture? I want to use this one.

TECH: Oh, nice! You look so badass texting while wearing sunglasses.

CLINTON: I know.

TECH: Meme alert!

CLINTON: Right.

TECH: Girl, I'll probably make that my profile picture, too. Or at least my Twitter avatar.

CLINTON: Please don't call me "girl."

TECH: It just makes you look like such a tech-savvy, feminist icon.

CLINTON: I am that.

TECH: Totally. O.K., here you go. It's all set. And don't worry about the e-mail thing.

[Jun 25, 2016] hillary-clintons-personal-e-mails-to-me

newyorker.com

Hi Bess,

Just reaching out again. Did you get my last few e-mails? Since you haven't replied, I worry that they might have ended up in your spam folder. Do you know how to check that? I can have my campaign's digital director send you instructions. Anyway, I would love to say hi, or grab coffee, or whatever, if you have time. I'm around. Just let me know when/where works for you! Have jet; will travel! LOL.

XO

H.R.C.

... ... ...

Bess,

What is going on?

I'm going fucking crazy over here. I think we both know that I've gone above and beyond to reach out to you and be your friend and invite you to cool shit and just be there for you, but I feel like you're taking our relationship totally for granted. I saw you donated fifty dollars after my last e-mail, but, honestly, that just made me feel used. I wish you'd never entered your e-mail address into my campaign Listserv.

So I'm writing one last time to say Go to Hell, Bess. And please don't forget to text HRC to 33422016 to get real-time updates from the trail!

Sincerely,

Hillary Clinton

[Jun 25, 2016] Jeb! - the man who single-handedly made the exclamation mark signify dreary disappointment.

DomesticExtremist

7 8
Jeb! - the man who single-handedly made the exclamation mark signify dreary disappointment.

He will be missed like a hole in the head.

CriticAtLarge -> DomesticExtremist, 20 Feb 2016 21:19

The exclamation mark should sue him.

[Dec 10, 2015] NEED HELP? CALL JESUS

merchantsofmenace, December 10, 2015

As I was just driving home and worrying about all the stuff going on in my life, my family's lives, my friends' lives, and what's happening in Washington, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, Hillary Clinton's scandals, Jeb, Trump, Fox News, the downgrading of our military, the terrorists infiltrating our border, the illegals, the refugees, and how our country is rapidly losing its sanity and its Christianity, I saw a yard sign that said:
NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-555-3787
Out of curiosity and desperation, I called the number.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

[Mar 20, 2016] Republican plan to stop Donald Trump election

www.theguardian.com

Over the last six months, GOP leaders have watched helpless as the Republican presidential race has transformed from the usual loveable farce into a terrifying prequel to Mad Max: Fury Road as tangerine reality show host Donald Trump gained, attained and retained frontrunner status. With only a few months left before the Republican National Convention, party luminaries, bigwigs and eminences grises have come up with a secret blueprint for how to stop the New York business mogul from becoming their candidate. Exclusive to the Guardian, here is their 10-point plan:

  1. Change the Republican party rules so that all presidential candidates must disclose the length of their fingers prior to receiving the nomination. Trump will drop out of the race by the end of the day.
  2. Leave a trail of spray tan canisters and ground beef leading from the door of his penthouse to a barge about to set off for the Far East.
  3. Lure him into a space shuttle by telling him there's a photograph of his daughter Ivanka in a bikini onboard and then blast him into orbit.
  4. Attach a $5 bill to a greased pig's back and set it loose backstage before his next campaign stop. He'll chase that thing until he's out of breath, and miss the speech, which, due to his inhumanly hectic campaign schedule will have the cumulative knock-on effect of making him miss the next day's speech, then the next morning's chummy appearance by telephone with his pals on Morning Joe, then the next four primaries, and before you know it he's missed the convention and is safely back to being an appalling but harmless reality TV star.
  5. Force Trump to spend as much as five minutes with one of his own supporters.
  6. Remind him that the White House executive residence is a paltry 55,000 square feet and that presidents are constitutionally prohibited from painting it gold.
  7. Invite Trump to a pool party and before he arrives glue a bunch of nickels to the bottom of the deep end.
  8. Invent time travel, go back to 2008, and stop ourselves from attacking the Obama administration with the exact same vitriolic, divisive rhetoric that Trump picked up on and has now ridden to his present position.
  9. Stop sheepishly acquiescing to Trump's bluster and acting like he isn't a despicable racist monster in hopes that it's not too late to prevent the complete collapse of society.
  10. Change election procedure so that the remaining delegates must pledge their support to whichever nominee scores highest on a seventh grade vocabulary test. Unfortunately this will probably give the edge to college debate champ Ted Cruz, an opportunistic, bigoted liar whose vision for America is a theocracy engaged in an apocalyptic war against Islam run by a man who looks like Dracula's fat cousin smugly eating a sour candy he received as a prize for tattling. But you can't have everything.

[Feb 21, 2016] An historic breakthrough for robot rights.

Dmanny , 2016-02-21 02:28:50

Marco Rubio will be the next president of the United States.
Philip J Sparrow Dmanny , 2016-02-21 02:31:38
An historic breakthrough for robot rights.

[Feb 20, 2016] Vote Goldman! Vote Hillary!

Whatsup12

Vote Goldman! Vote Hillary!

[Feb 20, 2016] A real dark night of the soul tonight for Jeb!

Todd Newman

A real dark night of the soul tonight for Jeb!.He sits on the couch in his hotel room, drinking straight out of a bottle of Glenfiddich, after crawling around on his hands and knees for an hour in a fruitless search for one of his brand new contact lenses. He finally gives up on that and sits, with vision in only one eye, with the lights turned down low and the television with a smashed screen. He stares at the copy of "The Art of the Deal" on the coffee table, the book a gag gift from W. The phone rings. "Yeah, mom, I know. It doesn't look good. What am I going to tell the money people? You know, the thing that really gets to me is that I was the only one to stand up to Trump, the only one with the balls to go after that son of a bitch. Marco? That slime ball really did a number on me. I'm going to call him up right now and tell him to bring that sword I gave him over here and just stab me in the back. I got that Terri Schiavo law passed to save her life. I wish somebody would pass a law to keep my candidacy on life support. Do you think if Chris Christie got back in the race he'd be willing to take on Trump at the next debate? Yeah…probably not." He takes a long pull from the bottle. "Yeah, mom, I know W did all he could. But it wasn't enough. The shock and awe didn't happen for me tonight. There was no freakin' mission accomplished, except I look like a loser. Maybe Trump was right.The kids and their mom aren't here, I can't put them on the phone. Their mom didn't want the kids to see me like this so they got a different room. What am I going to do? Well, first I'm gonna take me another little bitty drinkee-poo from this here bottle."

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