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Twenty-five Signs of a Completely Americanized Russian Programmer

Translated from Russian by Dr. Nikolai Bezroukov

  1. Your English is still broken but you occasionally use articles "a" and "the" in front of nouns
     
  2. Teaching your American co-workers dirty words in  Russian is no longer fun.
     
  3. You 'd  prefer technical books in English to their Russian  translations, but you've stopped buying books and seldom open the ones you have. 
     
  4. You can throw out technical magazines you are subscribed to without reading them.  Can throw out 90% of your mail without opening it.
     
  5. You have more computers at home that there are members of your family, but some were not switched on for several months.
     
  6. You occasionally buy paper for your home printer in Staples instead of bringing it from work.
     
  7. Can distinguish Democrat 's party platform  from the Republican 's.
     
  8. When you ask your child a question in Russian you are not surprised that he/she answers you in English.
     
  9. You order a double deck hamburger and diet Coca-Cola.
     
  10. More often speak with children using cell phone than in person.  If relaxing after work you sit on your lawn you are not surprised if wife or child calls your cell phone.
     
  11. You judge the size of the house by the number of bedrooms in it. 
     
  12. You know your social security number by heart
     
  13. Are not surprised that your neighbors complain to the police about loud music in your house.
     
  14. Can explain the rules of  baseball. 
     
  15. Forget how to open the hood of your car;  do not wash your car and disregard the shopping cart dents in your rear bumper for several months.
     
  16. Write into email conferences  more frequently than you phone your relatives.
     
  17. Are not shocked that you own your bank a six-figure sum for your house.
     
  18. Coming from work or a trip to the mall judge who of family members are at home by looking at the cars on the parking lot.
     
  19. Suspect that parking, appointment, OK, shopping, insurance and lunch are Russian words.
     
  20. Respect the opinion of people who think that food in Burger King is different (and better) than in MacDonald's 
     
  21. Regularly order iced tea in winter.
     
  22. Buy fat - free food right after you've driven an additional 5 minutes around the parking lot to find a parking place three yards closer to the shop entrance.
     
  23. You know that 90 degrees Fahrenheit is hot and 30 degrees is cold. 
     
  24. Can' t turn on your TV if your remote control is lost.  Periodically when you came home try to open the door of your house with car remote and are surprised that it does not work.
     
  25. Know what 401K means and notice that the value of S&P index can influence your mood.
     

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Created June 1, 1998; Last modified: February 28, 2008