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Softpanorama |
May the source be with you, but remember the KISS principle ;-)
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Java(R) is an object-oriented programming language,
not a mug-oriented hot beverage.
"Wiiiiilliam Gaaaates...""Oh, hi, Satan. What's up downstairs?"
"It's tiiiiime..."
"Yeah, but we're still debugging Memphis, and Ballmer swears he'll wipe out Adobe before lunch, and Melinda wants to change the tile in the third-floor kitchen again, and..."
"Sorry, Bill. I've given you too many extensions already, not to mention the Oracle8 launch event disaster, not to mention Steve Jobs' head on a platter."
"Yeah, that was a good one. I think you enjoy this as much as I..."
"Regardless, a deal's a deal. Your soul is mine, Bill Gates. And today is the day you pay your eternal debt to me."
"Now, let's be reasonable here, Satan..."
"Reasonable?!? You want reasonable?!? You're the richest man in the world! You've got a beautiful wife and daughter! Microsoft is the most powerful company on the planet! We're even using NT to run hell's WAN server! And frankly, it sucks. That's one of the reasons I've come to collect. If you can't get my network to run right, you'll spend the afterlife writing Windows applications that run on doorbells..."
"What's your alternative, Satan? Netware? AppleTalk? OS/2? You're a funny guy for someone who breathes fire."
"Well, God is porting all his heaven-critical applications to Java..."
"Java?!? Stop it, Satan. You're going to make me wet my pants again like that time you told me to buy Novell for $50 a share."
"Yes, Java, running on Sun servers, IBM plumbing and Oracle databases with thin clients accessing the apps via the web through Netscape Navigator."
"That's not a solution, that's one of those Grimm's fairy tales that scare children to death. I have yet to see an NC actually being used to do anything except crash during demonstrations. Look, Java is a nice little language for animating web sites, but Shockwave after too many espressos isn't going to displace Windows as an applications platform on hundreds of millions of PCs."
"Nevertheless, Java is the future of computing, and I'll be damned if I'm going to give God a strategic technology advantage!"
"Satan, what if I told you I could kill off Java with a single word?"
"Interesting. Tell me more."
"Wait a minute. What's in it for me?"
"I promise I won't turn you into Larry Ellison's bidet right this second."
"Okay, that works for me. Here's the word...disable."
"Disable what?"
"Disable Java support in Internet Explorer."
"You mean Microsoft's web browser won't run Java anymore?"
"That's right, brimstone breath. You want to run Java, give Netscape 50 bucks per seat and pray that IBM doesn't buy the company to merge Communicator with Lotus Notes."
"The Department of Justice will..."
"Will what? Punish me because I won't support a product my enemies want to use to destroy my company? Chevrolet dealers don't have to sell Fords. Pepsi's restaurants don't have to offer Coke. Why does Microsoft have to support Java?"
"It's an industry standard..."
"It's an industry hallucination."
"There will be a public outcry..."
"From who? Network managers? MIS? The CIO? They're up to their nosehairs in Cobol getting ready for January 1, 2000. To them, Java is still a cute word for coffee."
"What about all those spiffy applets on thousands of web sites?"
"Microsoft owns 100 percent of the Apple and Windows preload market for browsers, and our overall share has gone from zero to half in two years. It's a safe bet most people will soon use IE for web access. If they come to a site that doesn't work because of Java, they'll simply jump to the next one. Trust me, developers will switch to ActiveX faster than you can say
'Playstation.'""What about other platforms..."
"Like Intel has competition?"
"Interactive TV..."
"We call it WebTV in Redmond."
"Venture capitalists have invested billions..."
"To get a date with Kim Polese."
"Sun will write a plug-in..."
"Not without the hidden APIs."
"Of all my minions, you are my very favorite, Bill. You may stay."
"Thanks, Satan. Now, about that Exchange license agreement..."
By Jaroslav Tulach
Java is great for enterprise apps I
t's sort of embedded in the social experiment called the Internet. I was wondering why major websites are so slow lately.
Time to move to CPA (http://www.livejournal.com/users/sinistertim101 | Last Journal: Sunday February 12, @11:15PM)Its like of call-by-values for objects forcing you to do nothing but call by references are really great in tracking bugs for newbie programmers.
And no child parent object support but rather super class and two layers of classes underneath it where you can't access methods in the super class after all 3 are created are great as well.
Java is a perfect language that is nothing but a joy to stare out for hours and hours everday.... Can't wait to get my CPA so I can leave the programming field... Cries Re:Balony
(Score:2)by Decaff (42676) on Saturday April 01, @09:55AM (#15041408)The installer is 16MB, but the size of the jre once installed is ~50M. (The size difference comming from the fact that the installer is compressed)
But if it is only 16MB to install, who cares how big it is afterwards? 50MB is insignificant in terms of disk space these days.
Slashdot Peter Naur Wins 2005 Turing Award
Nobel prize for peace[of mind](Score:1)
by packetmill (955023) on Saturday March 04, @04:48PM (#14851120)should go to the guy who invented Java.Re:Nobel prize for peace[of mind](Score:2)
by m50d (797211) on Saturday March 04, @05:07PM (#14851160)
(http://www.sdonag.plus.com/ | Last Journal: Sunday February 26, @10:42AM)Given how much java makes me want to kill people, I don't think that's fair.
SUN MICROSYSTEMS SUES ISLAND OF JAVA*
Mountain View, CA -- Sun Microsystems today filed a trademark infringement against the island of Java* over the use of Sun's
Java* trademark.
Responding to criticism that the island has been called Java* for centuries, Sun lawyer Frank Cheatham said "Yeah, and in all that time they never filed for a trademark. They deserve to lose the name."
Rather than pay the licensing fee, the island decided to change its name. They originally voted to change it to Visu Albasic, but
an angry telegram from Redmond, Washington convinced them otherwise. The country finally settled on a symbol for a name -- a neatly-colored coffee cup which still evokes the idea of java. Since most newspapers and magazines will not be able to print the name of the island, it will hereafter be referred to in print as "The Island Formerly Known As Java*".
The Island Formerly Known As Java* bills itself as a cross-landmass island, but so far has only been implemented in production on the Malay Archipelago. Africa is been rumored to have implemented it on Madagascar, but it is still in alpha testing.
Lawyers from Sun would also like to locate the owners of the huge fiery ball at the center of the solar system. They have some legal papers for them...
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*Java is a Trademark of Sun Microsystems, Inc. Anyone caught using the trademark without permission will be beaten, flogged, sued, and forced to use Microsoft products.
Top quotes:
Humorix Judge Holds Microsoft In Contempt Of Court
| Judge Holds Microsoft In Contempt Of Court |
| Fake News written by
James
Baughn on January 23, 2003 from the we-all-have-contempt-for-microsoft dept. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When a Federal judge sided with Sun Microsystems and ordered Microsoft to include Java with upcoming versions of Windows, Microsoft's legal team announced that the company would fully comply with the order. The problem, however, is that everybody's favorite software monopoly has a slightly different notion of what "Java" means. Earlier today Microsoft joined forces with everybody's favorite coffee monopoly to comply with the court order by bundling free samples of Starbucks Java with each copy of Windows. Both Sun Microsystems and the court judge were not amused. Enraged by Microsoft's flaunting of the court order, the judge found the company in contempt of court and ordered that one of Microsoft's representatives, Clippit the Dancing Paper Clip, be held in prison until the company comes into compliance with the order. "Any idiot could plainly see that I was talking about Sun Microsystem's Java(R) Virtual Machine, not Starbuck's Triple Cappachimochalattespresso Deluxe coffee!" ranted the judge while a bailiff escorted Clippit to Cellblock 3. "This is so ludicrous that even the webmaster of a low-budget humor website wouldn't dare imagine something this unbelievable!" It's not entirely clear who at Microsoft came up with the idea of bundling coffee instead of Java with Windows. The most likely suspect, the Vice President of Court Order Compliance, was out of town during the whole debacle. "I was in California settling that state's tyrannical billion dollar class-action lawsuit against us," he said. "This wasn't my doing." Another potential culprit, the Chief Executive of Cutting Off Competitors' Air Supply, also pleaded innocence. "Sure, it was my idea to bundle a crippled, watered-down out-of-date Java VM with Windows and then blame Sun whenever nothing worked right on it. But flagrantly violating a court order only hurts us, not Sun." Regardless of who issued the command to stick out the company's proverbial middle finger at the judge, Clippit the Dancing Paper Clip is now sitting in a prison cell, annoying the jailor with questions like, "I see you are trying to execute an inmate. Would you like help with this operation?" "This is the first time we've had an animated character in our prison and I hope it's the last," said warden Sally Terry Kuhnfinemint. "He keeps jumping around all over the cell asking if I need any help. For the millionth time, I don't need any [expletive] help! I would shoot the little bastard, but 'cliparticide' is a Class A felony in this state." If Microsoft doesn't comply with the order within 120 days -- for real this time -- the judge has threatened to lock up other Microserfs, including the Internet Explorer 'e' logo (no real loss there), Bob of Microsoft Bob fame (again, no real loss), Dr. Watson (Windows can crash just fine without him), and "Arthur", the animated king featured in Freecell (whatever). In a pre-emptive strike, the judge also said that Microsoft can't get by with shipping the Java VM under some obscure folder of the Windows CD like "\Misc\Worthless Stuff\Filler Material\Sun Sucks\Clicking On This Folder Voids The Windows EULA\Proceed At Own Risk\Java\". At press time, we haven't received word on whether Microsoft will fully
comply with the new order. "Who cares about some annoying animated
fictional characters?" asked one industry observer. "Microsoft won't have
any motivation to comply until the judge starts throwing some annoying
*real* people in jail -- like the entire Microsoft legal or marketing
teams. Without those people, the company would fold overnight."
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10 reasons why Java is bad for you by Michael Swaine Reproduced from Some Observations on Apple and Java in Dr Dobbs, February 1997:
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Last modified: February 28, 2008