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[Nov 25, 2013] Ask Slashdot Best Linux Distro For Computational Cluster

May 26, 2011 | Slashdot

Albanach

Which editor should he use? (Score:2, Funny)

Now we have such a clear winner on the choice of distro, perhaps we can discuss which would be the best editor on the cluster?

ebuck

vi

Clearly the best choice. It is so heavily optimized that even its name takes up only 40% of the required characters of the second best contender, emacs.

vi song - GNU Project - Free Software Foundation (FSF)

Addicted To vi
(with apologies to Robert Palmer)

You press the keys with no effect,
Your mode is not correct.
The screen blurs, your fingers shake;
You forgot to press escape.
Can't insert, can't delete,
Cursor keys won't repeat.
You try to quit, but can't leave,
An extra "bang" is all you need.

You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

You edit files one at a time;
That doesn't seem too out of line?
You don't think of keys to bind--
A meta key would blow your mind.
H, J, K, L?  You're not annoyed?
Expressions must be a Joy!
Just press "f", or is it "t"?
Maybe "n", or just "g"?

Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!

You press the keys without effect,
Your life is now a wreck.
What a waste!  Such a shame!
And all you have is vi to blame.

Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!

Copyright 1989, by Chuck Musciano.  All Rights Reserved
 

VI joke

(user) I'm having trouble with this editor

(admin) Which one are you using ?

(user) Um, I dunno.

(admin) Emacs? Which version are you running ?

(user) Umm, I'm running version vi, and having heaps of trouble. Is vii out?

(admin) Say what?

(user) Have they done anything new?

(admin) Well... Yeah, they're up to xv now, but that needs a special graphical interface.

(user) Oh, well, thanks anyway.

(admin) *shudder*

How to pronounce computer terms (fwd)

Todd's Humor Archive
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: piran@parallax.co.uk (Piran Montford)
Keywords: smirk, computers
Date: Wed, 25 Jan 95 19:30:03 EST

We were discussing how to pronounce certain computer names. Is "Linux" pronounced "Lin-ucks" or "Lie-nucks"? And is the editor "vi" called "veye" or "Vee-Eye"?

So we tapped them into our friendly Mac, and asked its verdict on pronunciation: "Linux" is pronounced "Lin-uks". "vi" is pronounced "Six".

BCNU, Piran.

Rants Emacsulation

A friend on a mailing list bemuses...

Give me a break, oh, "But vi is on everything and emacs isn't so it's obvious the best Unix editor to learn, besides, what difference does it make that you can't tell what mode your in if you happen to answer the phone in the middle of and edit and it doesn't really matter that typing your name can cause you to program a complete web server if you happen to be in command mode, so vi is obviously really cool..."-type person!

Listen at you!

Anyone who's ever had to slash their way through an airport with an umbrella knows that the emacsians are the ultimate cult, so evangelistic they make the Moonies and IRS look introverted to the point of imminent collapse into neutronium. They grope at your pockets in those complex, secret signs they constantly make with fingers that never stop moving, trying to pick your pockets [1], all the while chanting "emacs good, all else bad!" [3]

And, son, the vi I am using even as we speak has this at the bottom of the screen:

-- INSERT --

because I am in (are you ready for this?) input mode. And at least my commands are limited to what can be typed with two fingers. I don't need all my fingers, thumbs, toes, nose, and a flexible tail to hit the requisite keys to tell an editor the size of King Kong [2] to go down a page.

Anyone with even a smidgen of sense knows that vi was written to the limitations of teletype and early tube-based computers, and it was really good in that environment (but, so was paper tape).

And, short of cutting a block of text that doesn't begin on the left margin, or pasting a block somewhere similar, it still does just about everything one needs an editor to do. There's something to be said for elegant design, as opposed to spontaneous emission and rabid, uncontrolled growth. [4]

Of course, it won't read my mail, graze news, surf the web, cook my dinner and double both as a floor wax AND a dessert topping, but for that I have Netscape.

Emacs is for the sophisticates, but I don't suppose you'd understand that, now, would you?!

Emacs is for people who desperately want to get drunk, but feel guilty doing so without a reason.

Oh, and if you have a bulletproof keyboard and a Class 3 license, emacs is useful for practicing intricate bullet placement in full-auto mode.

"Look, Mildred, I managed to hit the sequence to save the file and exit the editor, while simultaneously sending a Morse code message to Major Tom's capsule!"

"Sure, Ed, but ya used a whole 50-round clip!"

"But I got a perfect score - it takes 50 key strokes!"


NOTES

  1. Looking for RAM chips, of course.
  2. Most modern versions of emacs are now shipped with a swap disk, so that Emacs can swap out the entire OS, since it not only consumes all available memory, but it doubles as an OS as well.
  3. And did you notice they all have coke bottles tattooed on their foreheads?
  4. Rather like cancer, or suburbs.

vi Tutorial

This tutorial is still under construction. Since learning vi is an advanced topic, you might want to take Editors 101 first.

How to move the cursor one character forward in vi

The correct answer is:
	<ESC>la
which works in all modes. Except at the beginning of a line, where the above command will move the cursor two characters forward. If it did anything else, it would not be vi. So at the beginning of the line, this answer is the correct one:
	<ESC>li
And of course neither will work at the end of the line. At the end of the line, the correct command is:
	<ESC>j^i
The topic of the next two lectures will be ``how to move the cursor one character backward in vi''.

How to move the cursor one character backward in vi

To be done...

Editor war - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Stallman has jokingly declared himself to be St IGNU−cius, a saint in the Church of Emacs.[4]

vi supporters have created an opposing Cult of vi, argued by the more hardline Emacs users to be an attempt to "ape their betters".

Regarding vi's modal nature, some Emacs users joke that vi has two modes - "beep repeatedly" and "break everything". vi users enjoy joking that Emacs's key-sequences induce carpal tunnel syndrome, or mentioning one of many satirical expansions of the acronym EMACS, such as "Escape Meta Alt Control Shift" (a jab at Emacs's reliance on modifier keys).[5] Others have posited that this acronym in fact means "Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping", in reference to Emacs's high system resource requirements in a time when eight megabytes was a great amount of memory. The more modern humorist uses "Eventually Mallocs All Core Storage" as his or her future-proof witticism.

A poke a Emacs’ creeping featurism, vi advocates will describe Emacs as “a great operating system, lacking only a decent editor”.

There is some additional humor that pokes fun at vi at http://www.dina.kvl.dk/~abraham/religion/vi-tutorial.html

Editor war - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Truly, our responsibility to spread the Gospel of the Gnu is weighty.
Cleave to what is good. Remember the words the prophet Stallman
brought down from the Mount MIT, graved in Lisp on tablets of
crystalline lambda calculus.

Only this true: Emacs is pure.
All else is false.
Do not be misled by false gods like VI-VI-VI, the Editor of the Beast.
Do not be seduced by Word, the Scarlet Woman of Babylon.
Do not be driven to madness by Xcode, the Blind Priest of the Children of Asherath.

When the wild winds of chaos blow, stay pure.
When the universe collapses in shards around you, stay holy.
When the gibbering hobgoblins of apostate Editors attack with shards
of broken syntax, seek the crystalline stillness within you.

Brethren, ensure that you (Meta-x-say-hallel-to-Emacs) daily for otherwise you will be lost.
When the Beast comes, only Emacs can save you.

This was brought to you as a public service by the Holy and Ineffable Church of The Mighty Emacs.
SUPPORT THIS CRUSADE WITH YOUR DONATIONS. EMAIL THE STILL BEATING
HEART OF A VILE VI USER TO emacs-highpriest@god-hates-vi-users

 

Addicted to vi

Title    : Addicted To Vi
Original : Addicted To Love
Group    : Robert Palmer
Author   : Chuck Musciano <chuck@trantor.harris-atd.com>
Intro    : After thinking about that poor wretch who has become
           addicted to vi, I was inspired to compose the following
           ditty, sung to the tune of "Addicted To Love" by Robert
           Palmer. As you sing this, it may help the effect to imagine
           a dozen women, all of whom resemble Bill Joy, dressed in
           black and dancing sinuously.
Song     :


Addicted To Vi
(with apologies to Robert Palmer)

You press the keys with no effect,
Your mode is not correct.
The screen blurs, your fingers shake;
You forgot to press escape.
Can't insert, can't delete,
Cursor keys won't repeat.
You try to quit, but can't leave,
An extra "bang" is all you need.

You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

You edit files one at a time;
That doesn't seem too out of line?
You don't think of keys to bind--
A meta key would blow your mind.
H, J, K, L?  You're not annoyed?
Expressions must be a Joy!
Just press "f", or is it "t"?
Maybe "n", or just "g"?

Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!
You press the keys without effect,
Your life is now a wreck.
What a waste!  Such a shame!
And all you have is vi to blame.

Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!

Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!

Copyright 1989, by Chuck Musciano. All Rights Reserved. 

Computer songs and poems The First GNU

Which Editor Should I Worship by Per Abrahamsen <abraham@dina.kvl.dk>

It has been written, that on the day of the Great Editor War, the peace is shattered by an unprovoked attack by nvi on Emacs. Emacs strikes back, sending viper out to annihilate vile, while repelling the continued attacks from nvi without sweat, until XEmacs and jed join forces in another attack on Emacs. Emacs is crushed, but XEmacs is seriously wounded in the battle, and unable to defend itself when Crisp, XCoral, and nedit all attacks at the same time. Meanwhile, jed, although less severely harmed from the battle, find itself facing a formidable opposition in the form of Emacs, mg, joe, freemacs, and notGNU, who all join the battle now. nvi, now with perl as an extension language, tries to claim the now vacant title as The Mother of All Editors, but is immediately attacked by vim, elvis, sam, and wily.

The battle continues, drawing in more and more editors, even obscure presumed dead editors like xedit, teco, and tpu/edt, until finally a single survivor emerges, pico, which has meanwhile been bought by Bill Gates, renamed to MS Edit, and stripped for all the advanced features that just confused the users.

So the answer, my friend, is to learn pico now and get rich on consulting once MS Edit becomes the accepted industry standard.

[Feb 27, 1991] VI

From: Alex Lopez-Ortiz
Subject:VI manual pages
Date: 27 Feb 91 11:30:04 GMT

A few days ago, we were trying to explain to a MS-DOS user how the VI editor works. Here's what we come up with:

Vi is an editor with two distinguished modes:

In Edit mode you have all the capabilities of grandma's typewriter right under your finger tips! You can make the very same mistakes as you did with grany's typewriter (and your possibilities to correct them are about the same).

That's why Vi was provided with a second mode, namely the Beep mode. On a vt100 terminal or compatible you can get into Beep mode by pressing an arrow or escape function key. In this powerful Beep mode even the more inocuos keystroke will promptly produce a Beep sound. As an example, arrows, return, blankspaces and most capital letters will produce beeps in the most arbitrary places of the screen. Just think about the whole world of possibilities that this mode gives to you:

The possibilities are up to you!

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