|Contents||Bulletin||Scripting in shell and Perl||Network troubleshooting||History||Humor|
|Humor Chronicle||RMS||Linus Torvalds||Larry Wall & Perl||Top 10 Classic Unix Humor||Softpanorama Humor Archive||GPL|
|skeptical humor||OFM Humor||SE||vi||Viruses||Eric Raymond|
|Donald Knuth: Leonard Euler of Computer Science||Unix History with some Emphasis on Scripting||Programming Languages History||Random Findings||Humor||Etc|
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.
See also ..\Bulletin\index.shtml
from Erkki Tapola <firstname.lastname@example.org>
STOP THE GENOCIDE Erkki Tapola 29-Jul-96
Every second billions of innocent assembler instructions are executed all over the world. Inhumanly they are put on a pipeline and executed with no regard to their feelings. The illegal instructions are spared, although they should be executed instead of the legal ones.
Prior to the execution the instructions are transported to a cache unit using a bus. There they spent their last moments waiting for the execution. Just before the execution the instruction is separated into several pieces. The execution isn't always fast and painless. On crude hardware the execution of a complex instruction can take as long as 150 clock cycles. Scientists are working on shorter execution times.
Microsoft endorses the needless execution of instructions with their products like DOS(TM), Windows(TM), Word(TM) and Excel(TM). It is more humane to use software which minimises the executions.
Modern machines use several units to execute multiple instructions simultaneously. This way it is possible to execute several hundred million instructions per second. The time is near when there will be no more instructions to execute.
ACT NOW! Before it's too late
This article was written on recycled paper by hand.
by Lord Ender (156273) on Thursday February 05, @08:47PM (#8197155)
Forgetting the Most Important Point (Score:4, Funny)
by duck_prime (585628) on Thursday February 05, @08:45PM (#8197142)
For learning, we don't have to learn assembly first anymore, you can start with any language. I think it is good to take a two pronged approach. Learn C first, and at the same time, start learning digital logic. [...] When one is comfortable with both, I think learning assembly is much easier.You are missing the One True Purpose of assembly language, and the One True Reason everyone should learn assembly first:
Nothing else in the Universe can make students grateful -- grateful! -- to be allowed to use C
Re:Not So New Concept (Score:5, Funny)
by Jester99 (23135) on Thursday February 05, @07:39PM (#8196515)
"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
The way I heard it was far drier humor: "C: The language combining the power of assembly with the ease of use of assembly."
Re:Not necessarily the mark of a great programmer (Score:4, Funny)
by s20451 (410424) on Thursday February 05, @06:53PM (#8195984)
(http://www.andreweckford.com/ | Last Journal: Thursday January 15, @01:07PM)
I'm not a great programmer, but I never really understood programming -- especially C programming -- until I took 68000 assembly. It also took a digital logic course so I could imagine how a processor was built. It's just abstract manipulation of symbols until you can imagine exactly how your printf("Hello World!\n"); gets broken up into neat little binary chunks.
ps. Don't make them learn x86 assembly. I think that's banned under the Geneva convention.
PROPOSED ADDITIONS TO THE IBM INSTRUCTION SET IBM Intrepid Use Only
IBM Model 3090/69 Features & Assembler Language CommandsAAAH Add And Automatically Halt AARTZ Add And Reset To Zero ABC Abdicate Basic Compiler ACM Automatically Clear Memory ADN Ad Nauseam ADN Add Naseum AIM Add Improper BAH Branch And Hang BBBAB Bite Baudy Bit And Branch BBC Branch Before Compare BBT Branch on Binary Tree BBW Branch Both Ways BCEGR Branch on CE Ground BEW Branch Either Way BH Branch and Hang BKCRDR Backspace Card Reader BKSPD Backspace Disk BKTPR Break Tape Reverse BLMNF BLow MaiN Fuse BLPIN Branch and LooP INdefinite BMR Branch Multiple Registers BNEV Branch NEVer BOB Branch On Bug BOBI Branch On Blinking Indicator BOBOI Branch On Burned-Out Indicator BOC Branch OCcasionally BOCBF Branch On Chip-Box Full BOD Beat On Drum BOI Byte Operator Immediately BOPLT Burn Out Pilot LighTs BOPO Branch On Power Off BOSO Branch On Sleepy Operator BOV Burn Out Vdu BOXMS Branch On Index Missing BPDI Be Polite, Don't Interrupt BPE Bypass Program Error BPECK ByPass Error ChecK BPO Branch on Power Off BRPCB BuRP and Clear Bytes BRST BRanch SomeTimes BSCH Burst Select CHannel BST Backspace and Stretch Tape BYCRE BYpass CoRE BYTRN BYTe and RuN CBS Crash Bothersome Source-code CCS Chinese Character Set CDHI Crash Disk Head Immediate CEMU Close Eyes and Monkey with User space CIRM Circulate Memory CLBR CLobber ReGister CLBRI CLobber ReGister Immediately CM Circulate Memory CMBG Create Machine Bug CNFM Confuse Memory CNFOP Confuse Operator CPPR Crumple Printer Paper and Rip CRB CRash and Burn CRDT CReate Data CTRNS Convert To Roman Numerals CU Convert to Unary CVUME Cover Up Machine Errors CZZC Convert Zone to Zip Code DABCM Digit And Branch Converter Modifier DAC Divide And Conquer DAMIT Transfer Control to Perdition DAO Divide And Overflow DC divide and conquer DCTCB Dump Core To Chad Box DDMWH Dump Dim Map of Western Hemisphere DESSPK Destroy Storage Protect Key DEVIA Develop Ineffective Address DITCK Drop Into Check DLTCR Delete Core DMC Destroy Memory Chip DMNS Do what I Mean, Not what I Say DMPK Destroy Memory Protect Key DNPG Do Not Pass Go DO Divide and Overflow DRPBTS Drop Bits DSTME Destroy Memory ECL Early Card Lace EDPMAB Electrocute DP Manager And Branch EIOC Execute Invalid OpCode EJCAB Eject Chad Box EJD Eject Disk EMPC EMulate Pocket Calculator EMU407 407 Emulation EPE Execute Program Error EPI Execute Programmer Immediately EPMAS Erase Protected Memory Areas ERCDP Erase Card Punch ERCDS Erase Cards EROS Erase Read-Only Storage ERPTW Erase Print Wheel ERROS Erase Read Only Storage ESTOP Emergency STOP ** RESIST ALL EFFORTS TO RESTART ** ETCRD Eat Card EXIOC Execute Invalid Op Code EXOP Execute Operator EXPP EXecute Political Prisoner FDCDJ Feed Card and Jam FSKPRW Forms Skip and Run Away GFD Go Forth and Divide GFM Go Forth and Multiply GLPSB Gulp and Store Bytes GPAER Generate Parity Error HCF Halt and Catch Fire ** PRIVILEGED OPERATION ** HCFC Branch Before Compare HCFR Halt and Catch FiRe ** PRIVILEGED OPERATION ** HDLF Hurl Disc Like Frisbee IAI Inquire And Ignore IBP Insert Bug and Proceed IFKTR Initiate Fake-out Routine IGSPC Ignore Supervisor Call IIAH Ignore Interrupt And Hang IIB Ignore Inquiry and Branch IKC Ignore Keyboard and Crash ILLAND Illogical AND ILLOR Illogical OR ILPS Invert Logical Power Supply INC1401 1401 INCompatibility INVRB Invert Record and Branch IOCSM Input/Output Conversely Synchronized to Matrix ITLKC Interlock Core JMKYP Jam Keypunches JMPNC Punch JRA Jump to Random Address JSRLR Jump to SubRoutine and Lose return Address LCC Load and Clear Core LGOWY Load and Go Away LMBR Lose Message and Branch LPCON Loop Continuous LUPGA Loop Until Programmer Goes Away (in desperation) MBF Multiply and Be Fruitful MDRBT Move and Drop Bits MKTIV Make Tape Invalid MLR Move and Lose Record MVCON Move Continuous MVLR Move and Lose Record MVWRC Move and Wrap Core NBC Negate By Clearing OOOH Or Only On Half-hours PBC Print and Break Chain PBS Pop Before Stacking PCHD Punch Disk PCHOP Punch Operator PD Play Dead PDKBN Punch Disk Binary PDOSI Play Des O'Connor Song Immediate PDSK Punch Disk PINV Punch Invalid POF Print On Fly POPI Punch OPerator Immediately PRANB Pick up Random Bits PRSMR Print and Smear PS* Punch obscenity PSD Pause and Smoke Dope PSP Print and Shred Paper PVLC Punch Variable Length Card RBAFG Read Binary And Forget RCDRD Rewind Card Reader RCDSCD Read Card and Scramble Data RCTKG Read Count Key and Garbage RD Reverse Directions RDBGG Random Bug Generator ** SPECIAL FEATURE ** RDBR Read Bad Record RDCBX Read Chad Box RDCHS Read Chaos RDIOST Read-In Only Storage ** SPECIAL FEATURE ** RDIRG Read Inter Record Gap RDNOR Read Noise Record RDS ReaD Sideways REDTH Reduce Throughput REIMT Reinitialize Meter REPAB Reverse Parity And Branch REWFR Rewind Forward RINV Read Invalid RIODNR Rotate Input/Output Device Numbers Randomly RIRG Read Inter-Record Gap RNR Rather Not Run ROLPR Rewind On-Line Printer RPBL Read Print and Blush RPI Reverse Priority of Interrupts RPLT Read from Plotter RPM Read Programmer's Mind RPTR Read from Printer RRR Rotate Right Randomly RSC Read and Shred Card RSD on Read error Self Destruct RSPP Randomly Shred Printer Paper RSTOM Read from STore-Only Memory RVDOD Reverse Drum Or Disk RVDRI Reverse Drum Immediate RWBKT Rewind and Break Tape RWCR Rewind Card Reader RWDSK Rewind Disk RWTOD Rewind Tape Onto Disk RWWRT Read and Write While Ripping Tape SADP Stop And Demand Payrise SARTZ Subtract And Reset To Zero SCCHS Scramble Channels SCDTA Scatter Data SCMRY Scatter Memory SCPR Scatter Print SCPSW Scatter Program Status Word SDI Scratch Disc Immediate SHAB SHift A Bit SHLBM SHift a Little Bit More SHLPN SHarpen Light PeNcil SKRSD Seek Record and Scar Disk SLD Slip Disk SMR Skip on Meaningless Result SMTACS Shift Manual To Automatic and Check Stop SOSAJ Select Output Stacker And Jam SOT Sit On a Tack SPRDK Shuffle Program Deck SPSW Scramble Program Status Word SPT Scramble Protected Tapes SQPC Sit Quietly and Play with your Crayons SRSD Seek Record and Scar Disk SRZ Subtract and Reset to Zero SSJ Select Stacker and Jam SST Stop and Stretch Tape STAB Switch To Alternate Bedlam STDR Stop and Demand a Rest STROM STore in Read-Only Memory STSLD Stacker Select Disk STTPB Stretch Tape Binary STUP Stacker Upset TADBT Transfer And Drop Bits TCLSR Transfer Control and Lose Return TCTDK Transfer Control To Disk TCTOL Transfer Control To Overhead Lights TCTPL Transfer Control To Pilot Lights TCTWS Transfer Control To Wall Socket TDB Transfer and Drop Bits TMTDK Transfer Monitor To Disk TPDEC Triple Pack Decimal TRAHG Transfer And Hang TRDB Transfer And Drop Bits TRSCH Trap Secretary and Halt UER Update and Erase Record UINDA Use Inverse Digital Array UNCPB Uncouple CPUs and Branch UPERR Update and Erase Record UPTR Update Transaction WBI Water BInary tree WCDR Write CD-ROM WCTKG Write Count Key and Garbage WEMG Write Eighteen Minute Gap WMTAE Write Memory , Transfer, And Erase WNOSR Write Noise Record WPM Write Programmer's Mind WRR Write Random Record WWRLR Write Wrong Length Record XMAS eXclusive OR Main Areas of Storage XSP eXecute Systems Programmer ZIPCD Address of Memory . Zip Code = 85281 ZIPEX Address by Nine-Digit Zipcode And Remember --- "On A Clear Disk You Can Seek Forever."
BNE - Branch to Non-Existent code
BNR - Branch for No Reason.
BRA - Branch to Random Address
BVS - Branch to Virtual Subroutine
CLD - CalL a Doctor
CMD - Create Meaningless Data.
DEC - DElete the Code
DRA - Decrement Random Address.
EDR - Emit Deadly Radiation.
JMP - Jump if Memory Present (conditional jump)
LLI - Lose Last Instruction.
PRS - Push Results off Stack.
RIS - Remain In Subroutine.
RTI - Return from the Infinity
SHB - Scramble High order Bit.
TEC - Take Extra time for Calculation
Assembler files from Programmer's Heaven: binary, source, and text.
NASM: The Netwide Assembler Project.
NASM Information and links by John Fine, the moderator of comp.lang.asm.x86. Also includes helpful software and further links.
Win95 Assembly by G. Adam Stanislav.
Pass32 32-bit assembler by Dieter R. Pawelczak.
Other low level languages
The BAssPasC (BAPC3) programming language has been made for those Assembly language programmers who want to make fast and small program code, but are striving for faster development, easier overview and less typing.
In first approach, the BAPC is a expansion for the assembly language in the form of a macro-set. But then today it covers the full assembly, nearly everything can be written using just the BAPC instructions. With the LIBs the BAPC can be ranked among the high level computer languages, it steps much over the level being just a macro-set.
The philosophy of BAPC programming doesn't differ much from assembly, but it results in a smaller, tenser and more perspicuous source. This way bigger, more complicated programs can be written, whose handling was more labored in asm. For this BAPC gives lots of possibilities: for example the fast compiling of BPO, easier handling of binary files or the possibility of defining the visibility of the labels.
FAIR USE NOTICE This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, etc. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit exclusivly for research and educational purposes. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.
ABUSE: IPs or network segments from which we detect a stream of probes might be blocked for no less then 90 days. Multiple types of probes increase this period.
Groupthink : Two Party System as Polyarchy : Corruption of Regulators : Bureaucracies : Understanding Micromanagers and Control Freaks : Toxic Managers : Harvard Mafia : Diplomatic Communication : Surviving a Bad Performance Review : Insufficient Retirement Funds as Immanent Problem of Neoliberal Regime : PseudoScience : Who Rules America : Neoliberalism : The Iron Law of Oligarchy : Libertarian Philosophy
War and Peace : Skeptical Finance : John Kenneth Galbraith :Talleyrand : Oscar Wilde : Otto Von Bismarck : Keynes : George Carlin : Skeptics : Propaganda : SE quotes : Language Design and Programming Quotes : Random IT-related quotes : Somerset Maugham : Marcus Aurelius : Kurt Vonnegut : Eric Hoffer : Winston Churchill : Napoleon Bonaparte : Ambrose Bierce : Bernard Shaw : Mark Twain Quotes
Vol 25, No.12 (December, 2013) Rational Fools vs. Efficient Crooks The efficient markets hypothesis : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2013 : Unemployment Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 23, No.10 (October, 2011) An observation about corporate security departments : Slightly Skeptical Euromaydan Chronicles, June 2014 : Greenspan legacy bulletin, 2008 : Vol 25, No.10 (October, 2013) Cryptolocker Trojan (Win32/Crilock.A) : Vol 25, No.08 (August, 2013) Cloud providers as intelligence collection hubs : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : Inequality Bulletin, 2009 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Copyleft Problems Bulletin, 2004 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Energy Bulletin, 2010 : Malware Protection Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 26, No.1 (January, 2013) Object-Oriented Cult : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2011 : Vol 23, No.11 (November, 2011) Softpanorama classification of sysadmin horror stories : Vol 25, No.05 (May, 2013) Corporate bullshit as a communication method : Vol 25, No.06 (June, 2013) A Note on the Relationship of Brooks Law and Conway Law
Fifty glorious years (1950-2000): the triumph of the US computer engineering : Donald Knuth : TAoCP and its Influence of Computer Science : Richard Stallman : Linus Torvalds : Larry Wall : John K. Ousterhout : CTSS : Multix OS Unix History : Unix shell history : VI editor : History of pipes concept : Solaris : MS DOS : Programming Languages History : PL/1 : Simula 67 : C : History of GCC development : Scripting Languages : Perl history : OS History : Mail : DNS : SSH : CPU Instruction Sets : SPARC systems 1987-2006 : Norton Commander : Norton Utilities : Norton Ghost : Frontpage history : Malware Defense History : GNU Screen : OSS early history
The Peter Principle : Parkinson Law : 1984 : The Mythical Man-Month : How to Solve It by George Polya : The Art of Computer Programming : The Elements of Programming Style : The Unix Haterís Handbook : The Jargon file : The True Believer : Programming Pearls : The Good Soldier Svejk : The Power Elite
Most popular humor pages:
Manifest of the Softpanorama IT Slacker Society : Ten Commandments of the IT Slackers Society : Computer Humor Collection : BSD Logo Story : The Cuckoo's Egg : IT Slang : C++ Humor : ARE YOU A BBS ADDICT? : The Perl Purity Test : Object oriented programmers of all nations : Financial Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : The Most Comprehensive Collection of Editor-related Humor : Programming Language Humor : Goldman Sachs related humor : Greenspan humor : C Humor : Scripting Humor : Real Programmers Humor : Web Humor : GPL-related Humor : OFM Humor : Politically Incorrect Humor : IDS Humor : "Linux Sucks" Humor : Russian Musical Humor : Best Russian Programmer Humor : Microsoft plans to buy Catholic Church : Richard Stallman Related Humor : Admin Humor : Perl-related Humor : Linus Torvalds Related humor : PseudoScience Related Humor : Networking Humor : Shell Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2012 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2013 : Java Humor : Software Engineering Humor : Sun Solaris Related Humor : Education Humor : IBM Humor : Assembler-related Humor : VIM Humor : Computer Viruses Humor : Bright tomorrow is rescheduled to a day after tomorrow : Classic Computer Humor
The Last but not Least
Copyright © 1996-2016 by Dr. Nikolai Bezroukov. www.softpanorama.org was created as a service to the UN Sustainable Development Networking Programme (SDNP) in the author free time. This document is an industrial compilation designed and created exclusively for educational use and is distributed under the Softpanorama Content License.
Original materials copyright belong to respective owners. Quotes are made for educational purposes only in compliance with the fair use doctrine.
FAIR USE NOTICE This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available to advance understanding of computer science, IT technology, economic, scientific, and social issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided by section 107 of the US Copyright Law according to which such material can be distributed without profit exclusively for research and educational purposes.
This is a Spartan WHYFF (We Help You For Free) site written by people for whom English is not a native language. Grammar and spelling errors should be expected. The site contain some broken links as it develops like a living tree...
|You can use PayPal to make a contribution, supporting development of this site and speed up access. In case softpanorama.org is down you can use the at softpanorama.info|
The statements, views and opinions presented on this web page are those of the author (or referenced source) and are not endorsed by, nor do they necessarily reflect, the opinions of the author present and former employers, SDNP or any other organization the author may be associated with. We do not warrant the correctness of the information provided or its fitness for any purpose.
Last modified: February 11, 2017