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C++ Humor

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"Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++ ???"    — Richard A. O'Keefe.

"C++: Hard to learn and built to stay that way."

"Java is, in many ways, C++--."    — Michael Feldman.

"How C++ is like teenage sex:

  1. It is on everyone's mind all the time.
  2. Everyone talks about it all the time.
  3. Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it.
  4. Almost no one is really doing it.
  5. The few who are doing it are: A. Doing it poorly. B. Sure it will be better next time. C. Not practising it safely."

"Writing in C or C++ is like running a chain saw with all the safety guards removed,"    — Bob Gray.

"Ever spend a little time reading comp.lang.c++ ? That's really the best place to learn about the number of C++ users looking for a better language."    — R. William Beckwith.

"The evolution of languages: FORTRAN is a non-typed language. C is a weakly typed language. Ada is a strongly typed language. C++ is a strongly hyped language."    — Ron Sercely.

"C(++) is a write-only, high-level assembler language."    — Stefan Van Baelen.

"— C++ has it's place in the history of programming languages.
— Just as Caligula has his place in the history of the Roman Empire ?"    — Robert Firth.

"C++ : Where friends have access to your private members."    — Gavin Russell Baker.

"C++ would make a decent teaching language if we could teach the ++ part without the C part."    — Michael B. Feldman.

"The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."

"In C++ it's harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg."    — Bjarne Stroustrup.

 

C++ in Cantonese is pronounced "C ga ga". Need I say more? (Mark Glewwe)

What I hate about your programming language is that it doesn't work like mine does.

C++ writer, C++ writer.
Please sir or madam, will you play my game?
It took me years to write, doesn't have a name.
It's based on a game by Comrade Pazhitnov,
And I need a job,
So I want to be a C++ writer,
C++ writer.
It's a little game about tetrominoes,
And the object is to remove the rows.
Right now, I'm working for the Daily Mail.
It's a steady job,
But I want to be a C++ writer,
C++ writer.
C++ writer, C++ writer.
It's a thousand levels, give or take a few.
I'll be writing more in a week or two.
I could make it longer if you like the style.
I can change it 'round,
And I want to be a C++ writer,
C++ writer.
If you really like it you can have the rights.
It could make a million for you overnight.
If you must return it you can send it here,
But I need a break,
And I want to be a C++ writer,
C++ writer.
C++ writer, C++ writer.
C++ writer, C++ writer.
C++ writer, C++ writer.
C++ writer, C++ writer.
C++ writer...

Todd's Humor Archive Microsoft C++ and Basic Philosophy (fwd)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: JDEMELLO@us.oracle.com (Jeff DeMello, Oracle Secure Systems)
Subject: FUN: Microsoft C++
Date: Wed, 28 Jun 95 4:30:06 EDT
Thanks to Rick Wessman.... 
 
an actual bug report 
 
[ This is from a friend at Microsoft ] 
 
Bug #   Status          Title 
5143    ACTIVE          "Build done" signal makes no sound 
---------- ACTIVE - 01/30/95 - MIKEBLAS -------------------- 
 
Visual C++ makes an audible signal when a build completes. When no developer 
is in the room, this signal doesn't make a sound. To reproduce: 
 
1) Start a build. 
2) Leave the room. 
3) Note that the chime does not make a sound. 
 
We should find a way to make the build bell make a sound even if nobody is 
there to hear it. 
 
This philosophical issue may need program management's attention before being 
resolved. 
 
---------- ASSIGNED to MATTHEWT - 01/30/95 - SCOTF --------- 
 
Can we use the telepathy support in Win95 to contact whomever is logged into 
the machine doing the build? Maybe we should just detect when the developer is 
leaving the room and prompt for a phone number where s/he can be reached. 
 
How about disabling leaving the room during a build? 
 
---------- RESOLVED - BY DESIGN - 01/31/95 - MATTHEWT ------ 
---------- ACTIVE - 02/01/95 - MARKLAM --------------------- 
 
Actually, we can't do this either. The problem is that while you're out of the 
room your build is neither finished nor unfinished. It stays in a state of 
flux until you return and collapse the quantum uncertainty by observing it. 
 
Perhaps we could link the build finished event to a cat in a box? 
 
---------- ASSIGNED to HEISENBERG - 02/01/95 - MARKLAM ----- 
---------- RESOLVED - NOT REPRO - 02/03/95 - HEISENBERG ---- 
 
I cannot repro this. I tried standing just outside my door and it made the 
beep. Do I have to go further from my office? Would the mailroom do? 
 
---------- ACTIVE - 02/03/95 - MIKEBLAS -------------------- 
 
The relative position of the mailroom and your office are relatively uncertain 
to me, Doctor. 
 
Please try again: 
 
1) start a build 
2) leave your office 
3) go down the hall 
4) wait until you don't hear the beep 
5) return to note that the build is done 
 
I think this is how I first repro'ed the problem, but I can't remember what I 
was doing to make it happen. 
 
The idea of disabling leaving the room might be the best possible solution, I 
think. When a build starts, the IDE should pop up a message that says "There 
are no more Fritos" or "The kitchen has closed early" or "The bathroom is 
being cleaned" so the developer will not be tempted to get up and wander 
around. 
 
With minimal rebuild in place, we should consider diversions that won't take 
as long to remedy: "You're expecting a phone call" or "Someone will stop by to 
see you soon". 
 
We need to think of messages that are easy to localize for VC++3.0J. 
 
---------- ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/13/95 - MARKLAM ------- 
 
To do this we'll need to avoid messages about the bathrooms and vending 
machines for external releases. Perhaps some customer research is needed to 
find out exactly *why* Visual C++ users leave their keyboards. 
 
Some suggestions (including MB_ types) 
Get a drink : 
(i) You're out of coffee 
(i) You're out of tea 
(i)(i) YYoouuvv''ee hhaadd eennoouugghh 
 
Get something to eat : 
(?) You have no food, remember 
/!\ You need to lose weight, fatso. Sit your ass down 
 
Exercise etc : 
(?) Did You Know - sunlight causes skin cancer 
(i) With a Nordik Trak you can get a workout in front of your monitor. 
Call for home delivery 
/!\ I didn't mean that about your weight 
 
See family : 
(i) They already know you love them 
/!\ They'll only want money for something 
/!\ Your in-laws have arrived 
 
Call of nature : 
 
This could be difficult. Consider supplying bed-pan or similar. 
 
---------- ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/13/95 - MARKLAM ------- 
---------- ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/16/95 - HEISENBERG ---- 
 
I attempted to repro this once more: 
 
I placed my machine in the forest at the edge of the campus. I started a 
'rebuild all' and ran out of the forest towards my mailroom. My build normally 
takes 3 minutes. After 5 minutes I had not heard anything, so I returned to my 
machine. Unfortunately a tree had fallen on it. I had not heard that, either. 
 
 

Selected by Jim Griffith.  MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.

Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line. Don't use "joke" or "submission" or "joke submission," please.

 

 


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The Last but not Least


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