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Linus Torvalds Related humor

"I don't want to stereotype anybody, but it must have been a Linux kiddie. A FreeBSD person would never do something like that."

-- A FreeBSD programmer angry that someone stole
 his camera, which he had left unattended in New York!  

People say Linux is ugly. How does that make you feel?
Torvalds: They'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. Let's see just how ugly they think it is when they have a few bulletholes in them.

Linus Torvalds answers 10 goofy questions - Nov 13, 2002

[Jun 26, 2009] New Directions For Kernel Development

This corrected post belongs to the original author [email protected] and replaces previous modified post Linux-kernel mailing list archive 2001-13 New directions for kernel development.  My apologies to the original author.
June 06, 2000 |  www.trollaxor.com

Hi. I'm Linus Torvalds, creator of the Open Source operating system Linux. I'm glad CmdrTaco and company have created a forum for Open Source news and views, and I am so thankful for being able to post in the Slashdot forums. But now I must get something off my chest.

As you all know, I am a fairly clean cut, well-kempt person (I know, I have a beer gut only ESR could dare to challenge, but you'll have that if you spend 18 hours a day coding and eating Cheezie Doodlez), and in the GNU community that is an anomaly: virtually all users of GNU software and the GPL, under which my Linux kernel falls under, are unkempt, long-haired, beast-bearded dirty GNU hippies, and I am sick and tired of having to deal with them.

The person I have the greatest problem with is the (in)famous communist, RMS. Now, RMS may have been responsible for GNU, the GPL, GCC, and many other contributions to the computing community, but his stance, as well as stench, displayed in his essays and actions, nauseates me. I mean, with that filth-ridden beard of his, where does he have room to demand Linux distros demarkate the OS as GNU/Linux? When he is as clean-shaven as I, he may have the right. Until then, as he sits and plays his little flutes and drops acid like there is no tomorrow, he can shut his mouth and go back to reading Marx. I am sorry to sound so harsh, but a little hygiene every once in a while is a Good Thing™. Makes me wish I'd went with the BSD license back in the day.

Next in line of dirty scuzballs I have to deal with, and probably the worst thorn in my side, is Alan Cox, the primary coder of my kernel's TCP/IP stack (ha, what a joke!) and all around dirty GNU hippie. The man's wife, who I spent a few years with at the University of Helsinki, often calls me crying in the middle of the night to complain of the rank, unbearable stench the man exudes after sex. On several occasions I have personally had to withstand his torrent of rotten odor at trade shows, exhibitions, and beer bashes that permeates every inch of his toxic person. Along with the typical GNU hygiene (mis)habits he practices, he also bitches and whines about... well, everything. He lies a lot too; evidence for this can be seen in the fact he almost always wears cheap black sunglasses when talking to people he knows are better than him (such as myself).

And then we come to ESR. I won't reiterate the sewerdweller-like cleansing habits he practices as well, but I would like to focus on his general lifestyle. Firstly, he's never been to school. As a German expatriate, education should have been his priority; however, becoming a Gas Baron was his ambition in life until he realized he would fail at it. I wish he'd make that realization with the other things he tries to do.

Secondly, the man is a sub-intelligent hillbilly. You know, the kind that goes to inner-city computer stores and buys 386s to set up as servers all over his house, with cigarette smoke-stained 14" monitors piled high upon his kitchen table. He has no cooth and can't integrate himself into any social situation involving white collar executives without rambling into a tirade on gun rights or tanning roadkill.

Couple the above facts with his ruddy complexion (from drinking Jägermeister like it's water) and his gnat-ridden handlebar mustache and you've got the makings of one more person who pisses me off.

Well, that's it for now. Hopefully with these feelings off my chest and into the Open Source community, things will change for the better. I'd like just once to talk to a Linux user or advocate who washes and changes their clothes at least weekly. Until then, thanks to CmdrTaco, Slashdot, and you, the reader, for the opportunity to bring things to the table and share for the betterment of our community.

[Apr 1, 2006]  [Microsoft Press Release] Microsoft established a program to help open source developers.

For an undisclosed sum Microsoft bought Open Source Office and Mozilla  open-source desktop projects. In personal note to open source developers involved in the project Bill Gates noted that he "was sick and tired' of seeing very decent programmers earning nothing for the code they produce and many having health problems while Mozilla foundation officials and Sun executives are flush with money". Microsoft will established a flat salary of $50K per year for key developers and will provide discounted health insurance for those who are located in the USA. 

The projects will form a part of a growing list of Microsoft acquisitions in open source area and will operated as independent subsidiaries of Microsoft Research. In his interview to London Telegraph Bill Gates stresses that his goal is to help talented programmers to survive all over the globe and get the remuneration they and their families definitely deserve. " I think that personal charity of Richard Stallman is bad enough and cases of inhuman exploitation of free labor and human talent should be stopped," Bill Gates said. "If Stallman really wants to be fair he should abolish this money laundering scheme and go work to McDonalds, that's his personal choice." He also that the initial meaning of the word "talent" was a currency unit somewhere in Mesopotamia and that was not without the reason.

Humorix The Hottest New Distribution LinuXXX

LAS VEGAS -- Described as the world's first "pornographic operating system," a new Linux distribution called LinuXXX was unveiled earlier today at a press conference in the lobby of a Las Vegas hotel. Sales of the distro have been... well, hot.

[Jul 5, 2005] The Bug Count Also Rises by John Browne (Imitation Hemingway Contest Winner).

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - NonCommercial - NoDerivs 2.5 License.

In the fall of that year the rains fell as usual and washed the leaves of the dust and dripped from the leaves onto the ground. The shuttles drove through the rainy streets and took the people to meetings, then later brought them back, their tires spraying the mist into the air.

Many days he stood for a long time and watched the rain and the shuttles and drank his double-tall mochas. With the mochas he was strong.

Hernando who worked down the hall and who was large with microbrews came to him and told him that the ship day was upon them but the bugs were not yet out. The bugs which were always there even when you were in Cafes late at night sipping a Redhook or a double-tall mocha and you thought you were safe but they were there and although Enrico kept the floor swept clean and the mochas were hot the bugs were there and they ate at you.

When Hernando told him this he asked how many bugs. "The RAID is huge with bugs," Hernando said. "The bugs are infinite."

"Why do you ask me? You know I cannot do this thing anymore with the bugs."

"Once you were great with the bugs," Hernando said. "No one was greater," he said again. "Even Prado."

"Prado? What of Prado? Let Prado fix the bugs."

Hernando shrugged. "Prado is finished. He was gored by three Sev 2's on Chicago. All he does now is drink herb tea and play with his screensavers."

"Herb tea?"

"It is true, my friend." Hernando shrugged again. Later he went to his office and sat in the dark for a long time. Then he sent e-mail to Michaels.

Michaels came to him while he was sipping a mocha. They sat silently for awhile, then he asked Michaels, "I need you to triage for me."

Michaels looked down. "I don't do that anymore," he said.

"This is different. The bugs are enormous. There are an infinity of bugs."

"I'm finished with that," Michaels said again. "I just want to live quietly."

"Have you heard Prado is finished? He was badly gored. Now he can only drink herb tea."

"Herb tea?" Michaels said.

"It is true," he said sorrowfully.

Michaels stood up. "Then I will do it, my friend," he said formally. "I will do it for Prado, who was once great with the bugs. I will do it for the time we filled Prado's office with bouncy balls, and for the time Prado wore his nerf weapons in the marketing hall and slew all of them with no fear and only a great joy at the combat. I will do it for all the pizza we ate and the bottles of Coke we drank."

Together they walked slowly back, knowing it would be good. As they walked the rain dripped softly from the leaves, and the shuttles carried the bodies back from the meetings.

[Apr 2, 2005] Where is Transmeta Heading

OPEN LETTER TO SLASHDOT POSTERS 
by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 02, @12:02PM (#12120215)
Why oh Why did everyone bitch because the admins posted a bunch of arguably lame april fools day articles? Can't you people lightin up for one day? Who cares if they post 100 stupid lame fake articles in a row, it's not going to affect the integrity of slashdot. Is this your only legitimate place for finding technology news? I hope not ! Does your hole life revolve around getting accurate technology news on one specific day of the year that happens to be a day where people play practical jokes? I hope not ! Slashdot does not publish their own content, they give links to other places. So don't take a few april fools jokes too seriously. If you really care that much goto a different website. Lightin up, have fun, stop complaining so much, and if you think someones taking a joke too far, let em! Just don't associate with them anymore, simple as that.

[Apr 1, 2005] Slashdot/Transmeta is suing Intel, IBM and AMD for violation of it's patents.

Commenting on the lawsuits Linus Torvalds noted :

"Why is everybody so concerned with Transmute suing some manufacturers? It is not suing every chip manufacturer in sight, just three of them. It did not become a patent whore!  IP companies are not bad by definition. Just the contrary. And SCO is an exception! Even Rambus, is not the public enemy some open source enthusiasts are trying to turn it into. Maybe not all of their products are as good or as cheap as many would like them to be (including Rambus themselves), but at least the company is not in the business with groundless lawsuits. Ask yourselves should Transmeta benefit if CPU manufacturers (ie Intel, AMD, IBM) adopted the very good technologies, part of Crusoe and Efficeon processors (stuff like LongRun  and LongRun2, you know).

Also please stop bitching that transmeta is reducing its workforce (mostly marketing people. It got a contract with Sony who will pay for the help of 100 of the about 200 engineers from Transmeta. This will reduce quarterly costs to $5 million and might increase Transmeta life expectancy"

Some Slashdot users disagreed:

A purely IP company, huh? (Score:5, Insightful)
by geminidomino (614729) * on Saturday April 02, @12:00PM (#12120208)
(http://www.mangaschool.com/ | Last Journal: Monday November 15, @11:06AM)
<MODE=cynical>

That would mean that it would be in their best interests to support stupid laws like copyright-until-the-heat-death-of-the-universe laws and software patents.

Kind of a delicious irony there... employing Linus and striving to hamstring Linux...

Google Groups View Thread Linux GPL and binary module exception clause

The first thing I'm going to do after I build my time machine is go visit Finland and say "Use the LGPL, Linus".

Slashdot Significant Interactivity Boost in Linux Kernel

The Tao of Linux (Score:5, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Saturday March 08, @01:21PM (#5467456)

Something forms itself from the silent void of the empty mailing lists and the noisy chaos of the crowded mailing lists. It shapes and protects us, it entertains and challenges us, it aids us in our journey through the ether world of software. It is mysterious; it is at once source code and yet object code. I do not know the name, thus I will call it the Tao of Linux.

If the Tao is great, then the box is stable. If the box is stable, then the server is secure. If the server is secure, then the data is safe. If the data is safe, then the users are happy.

In the beginning there was chaos in Unix.

Tanenbaum gave birth to MINIX. MINIX did not have the Tao.
MINIX gave birth to Linux 0.1 and it had promise.
Linux gave birth to v1.3 and it was good.
v1.3 gave birth to v2.0 and it was better.

Linux has evolved greatly from its distant cousins of the old. Linux is embodied by the Tao.

The wise user is told about the Tao and contributes to it. The average user is told about the Tao and compiles it. The foolish user is told about the Tao and laughs and asks who needs it.
If it were not for laughter, there would be no Tao.
Wisdom leads to good code, but experience leads to good use of that code.

The master Cox once dreamed that he was a Kernel. When he awoke he exclaimed: "I don't know whether I am Cox dreaming that I am a Kernel, or a Kernel dreaming that I am Cox!"
The master Linus then said: "The Tao envelopes you. You shall create great code for Linux."
"On the contrary," said Cox, "The Tao has already created the code, I will only have to find it and write it down."

A master was explaining the nature of the Tao to one of his students:
"Is the Tao in the VM subsystem?" he asked. "Yes," replied the master.
"Is the Tao in the scheduler?" he queried again. "The Tao is in the scheduler."
"Is the Tao even in the modules?". "It is even in the modules," said the master.
"Is the Tao in the Low-Latency Patch?"
The master frowned and was silent for much time.
"You fail to understand the Tao. Go away."

The Tao is the yin and the yang. It is the good and the evil, it is everything and yet it is nothing, it is the beginning and the end.

The Tao was there at the kernel compile, and it will be there when the kernel panics.

A novice user once asked a master: "Why compile in C when C++ is more popular?"
"Why a monolythic kernel when Mach is more popular?"
"And why use ReiserFS when ext2 is more popular?"

The master sighed and replied: "Why run Unix when NT is more popular?"
The user was enlightened.

A frustrated user once asked a master: "My kernel has panicked, should I post to lkml?"
"No," replied the master, "You will only bother the Tao."
"Should I rm -rf?"
"No, you will have wasted the Tao's time."
"Well should I search the web?"
"You will search for all eternity," said the master.
"Perhaps I should try FreeBSD?"
"Then you will have disgraced the Tao."
"I suppose I could try gdb," said the user.
The master smiled and replied: "Then you will have made the Tao stronger."

A stubborn user once told a master: "I run version 2.2. I always have, and I always will."
The master replied: "You are foolish and do not understand the Tao. The Tao is dynamic and ever changing. Linux strives for the perfection that is the Tao. It flows from version to version with peace."

"So my Linux does not have the Tao, so what?" said the foolish user. "Oh your Linux is of the Tao," said the master. "However, the Tao of Linux follows the Tao of the C library. One day the C library will change, and your Linux will be left behind." The user was silent.

An angry user once yelled at a master:

"My Linux has panicked! What lousy software it is, I hate it so!"
"You are insulting the Tao," said the master. "The Tao is everywhere bringing order to hundreds of networks, aiding thousands of users, and fighting that of which we call the 'lame.' Do not disrespect the Tao; however, the Tao will forgive you."

"I apologize," said the user, "And I will be more forgiving the next time the Tao fails me."

"The Tao has not failed you, it is you that has failed the Tao," said the master. "The Tao is perfect."
The Tao decides if a kernel shall compile, or if it shall abort.
The Tao decides if a kernel shall boot, or if it shall freeze.
The Tao decides if a kernel shall run, or if it shall panic.
But, the Tao does not decide if a box will have no hardware failures. That is a mystery to everyone.

A young master once approached an old master: "I have a LUG for Linux help. But, I fail to answer my students' problems; they are above me."
The master replied: "Have you taught them of the Tao?" he asked. "How it brings together man and software, yet how it distances them apart; how if flows throughout Linux and transcends its essence?"
"No," exclaimed the apprentice, "These people cannot even get the source untarred."
"Oh, said the master, "In that case, tell them to RTFM."

A master watched as an ambitious user reconstructed his Linux.

"I shall make every bit encrypted," the user said. "I shall use 2048 bit keys, three different algorithms, and make multiple passes."
The master replied: "I think it is unwise."
"Why?" asked the user. "Will my encryption harm the mighty Tao, which gives Linux life and creates the balance between kernel and processes? The mighty Tao, which is the thread that binds the modules and links them with the core? The mighty Tao, which safely guides the TCP/IP packets to and from the network card?"
"No," said the master, "It will hog too much cpu."

The core is like the part of the mind that is static. It is programmed at a child's creation and cannot be changed unless a new child is made; unless a new kernel is compiled.
The modules are like the part of the mind that is dynamic. It is reprogrammed every time one learns new knowledge; every time one learns better code.
One is yin, the other yang. Each is nothing without the other.

A novice came to lkml and inquired to all the masters there: "I wish to become a master. Must I memorize the Linux header files?"
"No," replied a master.
"Must I submit code to Bitkeeper?"
"No," replied the master.
"Must I meditate daily and dedicate my life to Linux?"
"No," replied the master again.
"Must I go on a quest to ponder the meaning of the Tao?"
"No. A master is nothing more than a student who knows something of which he can teach to other students."
The novice understood.
And thus said the master:
"It is the way of the Tao."

A user came to a master who had great status in lkml. The user asked the master: "Which is easier: implementing new features to the kernel or documenting them?"
"Implementing new features," replied the master.
The confused user then exclaimed:
"Surely it is easier to write a few sentences in the man page than it is to write pages of code without error?"
"Not so," said the master. "When coding, the Tao of Linux opens my eyes wide and allows me to see beyond the code, to let the source flow from my fingers, to implement without flaw. When documenting, however, all I have to work with is a C in high school English."

He who compiles from the stable tree is stubborn
and unwilling to change, but is guaranteed reliability.
He who compiles from the current tree is wise but perhaps too conformist, but is guaranteed steadiness.
He who compiles from the unstable tree is adventurous and is guaranteed new innovations: some good, some bad.
He who compiles straight from Bitkeeper is brave but guaranteed turbulence.
They are all of the Tao. One shall respect the old, and debug the new; none shall argue over which is greatest.

There once was a user who scripted in Perl: "Look at what I have to work with here," he said to a master of core, "My code is interpreted dynamically, the syntax is unique and simple, I have sockets, strings, arrays, and everything I could ever need. Why don't you stop meddling in C and come join me?" The C programmer described his reasoning to the scripter: "Scripting is to C as ebonics is to Latin. If the scripter does not grow beyond that of which he scripts, he will surely {die}. Besides, without C, how can there be script?" The scripter was enlightened, and the two became close friends.

The Adventures of Little Linus In GNU-Wonderland LG #75 In Which Little Linus Finds GNU/Wonderland By D Clyde Williamson Originally published at System Toolbox.

It was a sunny afternoon, and Linus was happily playing in his backyard. He was busy with all the things that little Linuses do on sunny days in their backyards. He was sitting in the shade of a large tree when he noticed something very out of place in a Linuses backyard. Waddling across the yard was a penguin! Every few yards, this penguin would pull out a Compaq Itsy, consult it, put it back in his pocket and say, "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late for my release date!"

Little Linus had never seen a penguin this close before. He had also never seen an Itsy. And he was rather sure that penguins shouldn't be talking or consulting Itsys. So as any curious Linus would do, he followed the penguin. No matter how quickly Linus walked, the penguin seemed to be the same distance away. The penguin didn't waddle any faster, Linus just couldn't seem to get any closer.

Suddenly, the penguin stopped at the very tree Linus had been sitting under. "Ah, here's what I was looking for... root access!" the penguin muttered. Then he popped into a small hole in one of the roots of the tree.

Linus decided to follow. He squeezed into the hole, and suddenly realized that he was falling. Everything below him was dark, so he couldn't see the bottom. He continued to fall wondering what was next.

... ... ...

In Which Linus Meets Several Strange Inhabitants of GNU/Wonderland

As they approached the wood, Linus noticed a taco walking up the road towards him. The taco appeared to be carrying several newspapers under his arm. "News for Nerds!" he was calling, "Get your News for Nerds here."

Linus stopped the camel and walked over to get a newspaper. However, before he could reach the taco, he heard a loud noise. Several thousand creatures, boys, girls, rabbits, unicorns, trolls and all other sorts of animals came rushing toward the taco. They all hit the taco at once, grabbing for the newspapers. Linus watched as wave after wave of things rushed across the poor taco. Then as suddenly as they had come, they were gone. Linus ran over to the taco, "Are you hurt?" He asked with concern.

"Not bad, at least this time no one dumped any breakfast cereal on me," the taco replied getting up and brushing himself off. [1]

Linus thought about querying further on the subject of breakfast cereal, however, he decided to skip it. After making sure the taco was OK he climbed back on the camel and set off again.

He had not traveled far when he heard a strange noise in the forest beside the path. "Perhaps it is a bear," he thought. However, before he could urge the camel to pick up the pace a man stepped out of the woods onto the path. He was an odd looking man, with hair that pointed anywhere except where hair usually points. Linus figured the man must have forgotten he owned a beard, since it looked like the beard had wandered off on its own quite awhile ago.

"Hullo, boy!" the man waved at Linus. "I am GNUman. Who are you?"

"My name is Linus, and it's nice to meet you, Neuman." Linus got down to shake the man's hand.

"Not Neuman, it's GNUman. Say it right!" The man said loudly.

Linus looked at the man carefully, then deciding he wasn't dangerous, shook his hand and said, "It's nice to meet you GNUman."

"Well, of course I'm more than happy to meet anyone around these parts. By the way, here's the rules to my game," GNUman said solemnly, handing Linus a scroll. "The rules are, that anyone can change the rules, as long as they tell everyone what rules they changed. That way everyone can make the rules fit their needs."

Linus wasn't quite sure what GNUman was talking about. However, he politely took the scroll and promised to read it. GNUman smiled and wandered off into the woods.

After a few hours of riding around on the camel, Linus noticed party sounds emanating from a nearby clearing. The camel noticed his interest and moved in that direction.

As they broke into the clearing there was an amazing sight. A long table set with coffee, doughnuts, pizza, as well as Chinese, Indian, and Mexican food. At one end was a keg of Guinness. At the head of the table was a man with a bushy black beard, long black hair, sunglasses and a red fedora. He motioned Linus over to a chair.

"I've been waitin' a bloody long time on you," the man said with a British accent. "Do you know how hard it is to keep all this food hot?"

Linus, beginning to get used to the odd people of this land, smiled and apologized for taking so long. Of course he had no idea that he was even expected, let alone late.

"Oh, not to worry," the English fellow said in a nicer tone, "I'm sure you were busy."

They began to eat, and Linus was amazed at the energy that this special food gave him. After eating in silence for awhile, he noticed that other creatures were sitting at the table enjoying the food as well. Oddly, he hadn't seen any of them sit down. Indeed, the large dog sitting next to him had appeared from nowhere. Linus had seen many canines before, but this was the first dog that he had seen with a big white beard.

        ... ... ...

Re:First line... (Score:5, Funny)
by TeknoHog (164938) on Monday January 05, @02:26PM (#7883284)
(http://www.iki.fi/teknohog/)
Hmm, I guess this would go better with the 2.4.24 release.

It was thirteen years ago today
Col. Torvalds let the source away.
We've been going in and out of drives
but we guarantee to raise uptimes.
So may I introduce to you
the hack we've known for all these years
Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band!

We're Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band,
we hope you will enjoy the code.
Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band,
just hack and let the evening go!

Col. Torvalds' Linux
Col. Torvalds' Linux
Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band!

It's wonderful to post here,
it's certainly no troll.
You're such a lovely userbase,
we'd like to merge your code with us,
we'd love to take you
/home.

I don't really want to freeze the code,
but I thought you might like to know
this release is going to fix the root
and we want you all to patch for good.

So let me introduce to you
the one and only Billy's fear
Col. Torvalds' Linux slash GNU band!

Humorix Linus Torvalds Files Suit Against Lindows

Fake News written by James Baughn on December 22, 2001
from the not-as-bad-as-it-sounds dept.

For the first time in recorded history, Linus Torvalds and Bill Gates are on the same side. Sort of.

Linus has joined Microsoft in filing a lawsuit against Lindows for trademark infringement. He isn't worried that people will mistake "Lindows" for "Linux". But he is concerned that people might mistake "Lindows" for "Windows".

"I don't want my creation associated with some crappy operating system produced by Microsoft," explained Torvalds. The name Lindows, however, does just that. I realize that the Lindows folks are doing their part to achieve World Domination fast, but can't they at least come up with an original name that doesn't slander Linux by connecting it with the W-word?"

The Lindows legal staff, currently holed up in a small office building laid seige by Microsoft's vast army of lawyers, issued only a brief response that said, "One lawsuit at a time, please. Can't you at least wait a few months? Signed, Mrs. Mia Kulpa, chief attorney for the Company Soon To Be Formerly Known As Lindows."

Microsoft's lawsuit seeks $1.5 billion in damages plus a court order demanding that every Lindows developer get on their knees before Chairman Bill and beg for forgiveness. Torvalds, on the other hand, does not want monetary damages and seeks only to obtain a ruling that states once and for all that Windows sucks and therefore the Lindows name would soil the reputation of Linux.

In related news, the Lindows executives have yet to respond to the 512 voice mails left by Richard M. Stallman demanding to know why their name isn't "GNU/Lindows".
 

[Apr 1, 2002] Linux needs new leadership.

Linus Torvalds ([email protected])
Mon, 01 Apr 2002 00:00:00 -0700 (PDT)


Fellow hackers,

For some time I have felt unappreciated by some members of the Linux community. Far too many of you like to whine and cry, saying "My patches aren't being accepted by Linus, but they are by Alan or Michael!" It seems that some of you are too stupid to follow the simple instructions that I have made clear on more than one occasion. This, combined with the fact that today is my last day at Transmeta, has prompted me to consider rediscovering that balance I had in my life before you all took my hobby and made it into a mass movement. I have not decided who should take over maintenance of the kernel myself, for I believe that this decision should be made in a quasi-democratic fashion. While democracy has not worked well with this group of people before, I am willing to give it one last chance.  

However, I do have some opinions on who should succeed me as leader of kernel development. I will provide my opinions below as I am entitled to do so. Below is an alphabetical list of my nominations. I include a brief explanation of why I nominated them and any concerns I may have. You all should do the same for your nominations.  

  • Alan Cox: Alan has done a spectacular job of maintaining the 2.2 branch ever since I embarked on the development branch. He would have been an automatic choice for this job, except for his childish refusal to travel to the US, where all the real kernel hackers hang out. Marcello has proven to me, however, that you do not need to live in a technology-rich country such as the US to be a leader of kernel development.  
  • Matt Dillon: Whenever someone moans about the 2.4 VM fiasco, I think to myself, "I wish Matt hadn't left the Linux kernel development for FreeBSD!" I believe that if Matt were to be chosen as leader, we would have had a sane and working VM on par with FreeBSD's months ago. While he has little leadership experience, he is a member of FreeBSD-core, a position which certainly demands respect.  
  • Eric S. Raymond: Being leader of kernel development involves fielding a significant amount of media attention. ESR has shown on many occasions that he can talk shit and still sound just as convincing as anyone on this list, all the time being completely oblivious to any contrasting viewpoints. While his kernel-configuration-adventure-game contribution to Linux just screams out "worthless bloat", I must admit to having enjoyed many a lonely night playing the game. If he could lay a similar interface over gdb, I'm sure that more kernel hackers would actually debug their work before submitting it.
  • Richard M. Stallman: RMS has an exceptional track record in the open-source field, being largely responsible for my favorite text editor, compiler, and debugger. No other open-source hacker has come as close as he has to replicating the integration available with Microsoft Visual C++ 6 years ago. I fully endorse him as a candidate, assuming he's willing to drop his puerile "GNU/Linux" ego stroking.  
  • Theo de Raadt: Theo is an exceptional candidate. Not only is he a more than adequate hacker; he attracts exactly the type of people to OpenBSD that he wants, and will jettison those who are not up to the task. While purging out all the less-than-adequate hackers in the Linux project will inevitably attract negative publicity from Slashdot and other "community" sites where these feeble hackers hang out, it will no doubt strengthen Linux in the future. Just look at what Theo's strong leadership has done for OpenBSD! He turned around the worthless "research project" that was NetBSD and made it an enterprise-class firewall system. I can only imagine the effect his Midas touch could have on the Linux kernel.  

You have until the end of April 1, 23:59 Pacific Time to submit your nominations to the list. The most nominated person will become the leader of kernel development. I will examine the list of nominations and, assuming that the winner wants the job, I will hand full control over to them. I know that this is short notice, but knowing how obsessively most of you check your inboxes, I figure you should have more than adequate time to submit your recommendations. The decision will be final and no discussion will be considered after it has been made, so choose carefully.

Thank you.

Linus  

Re: Linux needs new leadership. Sandy Harris ([email protected]) Mon, 01 Apr 2002 14:56:15 -0500

Linus Torvalds wrote:

> ... rediscovering that balance I had in my life
> before you all took my hobby and made it into a mass movement. I have
> not decided who should take over maintenance of the kernel ...

The obvious candidate is then the man who can take Linux back
to its roots as a simple little system hobbyists can play with,
Professor Andrew Tanenbaum.
 

[Apr 1, 2002] Microsoft adopts Linux as a new BIOS. Linus Torvalds joins Microsoft

April 1, 2002. LINUS TORVALDS, the creator of upstart operating system Linux, will head a new division within Microsoft to develop a version of Linux to replace old PC BIOS. Information contained in a Microsoft memo leaked to the British publication Yellow Register  indicated that Windows XP is the last old-fashioned version of Microsoft OS and that the next version of Microsoft Windows will be able to fully utilize the  new BIOS. 

Microsoft also plans to reorganize the hardware group into several divisions with one being headed by Linus Torvalds and the other concentrating on the providing help all major PC manufacturer to switch to new technology,  possibly by the end of the year.

Torvalds, who has been working for Transmeta -- the company that has close ties with Microsoft with Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen as a major stockholder , will head newly created Linux BIOS group. He also has reportedly also been paid $US100 million in stock and cash for the rights to use the Linux trademark. Microsoft  officials would not comment on Torvalds' salary and duties.

A Microsoft source, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the company decided that Linux kernel will be perfect replacement for the old PC BIOS. He said Microsoft President Steve Ballmer had stressed  that such an approach represent the philosophy  ``if you can't beat `em, join `em approach'', similar to the one ``we used when we embraced the Internet''. There are many overlapping functions that are performed by both NT and Linux and moving some of them to the BIOS level makes perfect sense. PCs just outgrow old IBM BIOS and really need a new one. He stresses that Linux kernel already supports FAT32 filesystem perfectly well and that Microsoft is working on improving support for its flagship NTFS filesystem. 

Torvalds was tight-lipped when contacted, but said Microsoft had ``he always respected Microsoft technical achievements in applications area and that they made him an offer he can't refuse''.

``Anyway, it's time to make some dough from this open source thing. With Linux companies stocks in the trash bin I cannot buy a Ferrari for myself and new BMW for my wife. And I have three growing daughters and they soon will need decent cars too. Currently I cannot even think about personal yacht.  Where's the justice in that?'' Torvalds said. ``Microsoft isn't all that bad and it really cares about its employees. And  the  new BIOS will be definitely better than they have before. And it remains open sourced''

Open source advocates contacted by Yellow Register expressed shock at Torvalds sudden change of heart. ``I can't believe it. I'm really shocked,'' a Melbourne Linux developer said. ``Don't do it, Linus,'' another urged. ``First it was (Open Source evangelist) Eric Raymond and now Linus. Who next, (Free Software Foundation founder) Richard Stallman?'' ``I knew it as soon as I heard he (Torvalds) had gone to work for (Paul Allen's company) Transmeta,'' a poster to alt.microsoft.sucks said. ``They couldn't develop it, so they're going to buy it, just like they did with DOS.''

International MetaData Corporation Advanced Technology Markets program director, Travesty  Lowlife, said it was a  classic example of a smart business decision that turns the tables for IBM and Sun.  ``Both IBM and Sun wanted to play Linux card against Microsoft, but Microsoft again proved that they are just smarter than the competition '' he said. Other observers stressed that  the timing is perfect that kernel 2.4 is mature enough to replace old BIOS. That also might help to bury  the US Government case against the company.  ``By embracing Linux as a new BIOS, Gates effectively short circuits the (Department of Justice) case against Microsoft, rendering it obsolete. ``This strategic move will serve Microsoft well in the new Millennium. Now I am pretty confident that Microsoft will remain the dominant player in PC operating systems area for many years to come."

[Feb 24, 2002]  Linux's momentum is undeniable. Just keep in mind the difference between unstoppable force and runaway train.

Dominic Preziosi, Senior Managing Editor, TechWeb

[Sept 5, 2001] COMPUTER NEWS DAILY - Linux Honchos Gather for Group Gripe

 Linus "Kernel" Torvalds accidentally reveals dark little mind of Larry Augustine ;-)

By the end of the discussion, ``The State of Open Source'' was painfully obvious. It's a mess.

Torvalds, who created the programming ``kernel'' at the root of the open source operating system, would be just fine with that assessment. He kept saying that open source was closer to science than business and that he could care less about business goals or what the customer wanted.

``Science is not a product,'' said Torvalds, becoming a little heated despite wearing shorts and sandals. ``Everyone says that working together is good. But somewhere, in their dark, little minds, they say, `I want to do this alone. I want to make millions.' ''

It seemed as if all eyes turned to the panel's moderator, Larry Augustine, the VA Linux chief executive officer whose claim to fame is riding a huge Linux-hyped IPO into the ground while profiting big time in the process.

Augustine smiled wanly and tried to steer the conversation back to some more Microsoft bashing. And so it went.

The computer world's true believers are finding the water pretty cold and the sharks pretty big out there. Whether they want to admit it or not, programming for the love of it is about the only option right now.

[May 22, 2001]  THE MESSIAH

In 1991, Linus Torvalds, a Swedish-speaking Finn at Helsinki University, mentions a project he's working on to comp.os.minix. As an aside, at the bottom of the message is a request to test another program of his, a hack of the Unix "finger" program that most half-decent Unix programmers could rustle up in their sleep. The first project is a plan to write his own, UNIX-like operating system. The disparity between this minor achievement and his aims couldn't be more stark.

Years later, industry pundits will hail this as a seminal moment in the history of computing. Thomas Scoville, writing in Salon Magazine, will describe in terms of Luther hammering his demands onto the doors of Castle Church, and smashing the Papacy of Bill Gates (Scoville also designed the Silicon Valley Tarot pack, which includes cards like The Hacker, the Salesman of Networks, and the Four of Cubicles). 

But if the religion has a leader, where are the followers to come from?

On USENET, in comp.os.linux.advocacy, Stephen Edwards writes (http://www.dejanews.com/=dnt_lk/getdoc.xp?AN=410219167)

> Oh, how fugging pathetic. Next thing you know, people will be wearing

 > "L"s on gold chains around their necks, and praising Linus Torvald's  sacrifices and teachings.

Linus replies:

What the h*ll? They don't already?

Grumble.

Linus

[Apr 25, 2001] The Register Amazon.co.uk has refused to pull reviews of Red Hat Linux 7.0 Deluxe edition by Bill Gates and Linus Torvalds off its site because they are not offensive.

Reviewer: Linus Torvalds from Finland
Despite fifteen years using Linux (most of those with Red Hat) I would recommend people to actually go out and use Windows. You see the actual Linux OS is not too good, the kernel (core functions) is really bad and the GUI elements feel like they've been stuck on with glue. Red Hat is really the worst of the distros and after ten minutes of using it, you'll be reaching for the Windows XP CD!

[Apr 1, 2001] Linux Today - MySmell.com Linus laid off!

"With so much news of layoffs in recent weeks, it probably shouldn't come as any surprise that chipmaker Transmeta is also feeling the bite. But the real shocker for HumorLinux fans is that kernel master Linus Torvalds is among those who will be let go on Monday...."

"Like Eazel and Zero Knowledge -- other open source companies who recently laid off staff after having just announced apparently good news -- Transmeta was in the headlines recently for having been chosen to supply chips for Microsoft Tablet PCs. This has led some in the Linux community to question if there is any connection between the Microsoft contract and the layoffs. Was laying off Open Source's favorite son a condition of the Microsoft contract?"

"Most emphatically not, according to Transmeta Communications Manager Phillip Bergman. 'It was actually the logo for Midori Linux which we found really inexcusable,' he said. 'We thought that since he is from Europe, he'd have better taste than to choose something like that.'"

"Bergman added, 'Plus, he's just not as funny as he used to be.'"

??? Slashdot posting: Linus Torvalds was recently seen living under a freeway overpass

The cat is out of the bag. Linus Torvalds was recently seen living under a freeway overpass. When asked about his current living conditions, he remarked "well, Transmeta had to lay me off, and they kept it quiet because they didn't want to enrage their only customers -- Linux geeks." What will this mean for the God of Linux? All the Linux companies are showing cash shortfalls, and none appear to be hiring. A spokesman for Red Hat commented, "We're just tapped out of money. We wish Linus well, but what can we say? We got what we wanted out of him, and know he's going to have to get a real job like the rest of us will have to sooner than later."

Linus appears to be taking it in stride. "Well, I've always said that I wasn't interested in making money off Linux. And heck, this overpass is not so bad. It's still better than Finland."

Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda of Slashdot, often thought of a spiritual leader of Linux, commented that "Hey, he's welcome to crash at my house, except that my house is due to be repo'ed any day know due to the VA Linux stock price crash.

Linux should be set free (Humor)
by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 18, @09:40AM EDT (#18)

We must let Linux permutate by itself without anybody in control of it. There should be no Monster Dictator on top that demands what should go in and what should not. We do not want another Stalin amongst our comrades. We peasants should take control, not let any power hungry man on top tell us how kernel lock synchronization should be implemented.

With this way, all variations would grow, with the lackluster ones dying off. There is no other way to evolve in our commune. We have to follow the example of the human species in the world, in which we come to dominate the mammal universe not because of our brute strength, but because of our superior intelligence. If we blow each other up, that is the way it is, since the survivors would be go on to build a better kernel (whatever that would be.)

So all comrades, rise to arm and pick out your mouse. We must topple anyone with power within our group as they are the perpetrators to our progress toward Utopia. Suppression of our freedom to do it anyway we want to shall not be a rule of the game anymore.

! Central control is the true way of evolving.
ZZZ

An exclusive interview with Linus 'Linux' Torvalds and Alan 'Kernel Hacker' Cox [Feature Articles-Interview]

32BitsOnline.com

(C) Clifford: So. What kinds of userland changes you referred to a minute ago in the car, uh - what kinds of enhancements have you made for the upcoming release?

(LT) Linus Torvalds: Well. We talked a lot about - em - Alan and I talked a lot about the things that were keeping Linux from really taking over the desktop - not the things he and I usually talk about - in the kernel space - but in the actual user functionality, and we decided to go back to the beginning, as it were - back to the earliest utilities that were available for the majority of the computer users out there.

(AC) Alan Cox: (To the waitress) I had the bangers - the sausage, uh - and......you know, this doesn't taste like beer much. You got any Guinness ?

(W)Waitress: Well, honey, we have some of that Red Hook, if you don't like the Bud....

(AC) All right, I'll try it. You know, for all the genius in the States you people really never got the hang of beer.....

(W) Most folks around here think it's just right. Where you from? New York?

(AC) No..... England, actually. But I lived in North Carolina for a couple of years...

(W) Uh-Huh.

(LT) ...er, as I was saying, the user space that most of the people in the world were comfortable with, before the Windows user space, and the command line...

(AC) Mostly we were tired of getting all the crap in the press about how difficult Linux was to use and customize - hey, mum, that was good, can I have another?? And we thought since there was such an incredible user base among people who had used DOS for such a long time that we could....

(LT) ...That we could really capitalize on this specific group - people old enough to really make decisions in the companies that they work for - IT executives, VP's in charge of purchasing...and...

(AC) And "the media" just like you, Cliffie...
... ... ...

BBspot - Real or Fake  Linux Distributions

     ... ... ... ... ...

BBspot - Linux Bashing Now Considered a Hate Crime 

Linuxoids as  "openly using Linux people"  a new kind of  harmless perverts that need to be protected by the statute ? 

It is commonly believed that 10% of the population are Linux users.  Linux users often hide their use from friends and family members.  Meeting other users in Linux only bars or IRC channels.  Openly Linux using people often face extreme prejudice and discrimination from co-workers and IT departments but say that this bigotry must be confronted.  "I’ve never been beaten because of my open sourceness, but I get a lot of ‘Linux sucks’ comments," said Jared Yttrium, "I’m glad the statute is there to protect me."

From Slashdot discussion   of Linus autobiography:

"Accidental Revolutionary"? I've seen it before... (Score:1)
by nidarus on Wednesday November 29, @01:09AM EST (#232)
(User #240160 Info)
Wasn't the printed version of "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" called "The Cathedral and the Bazaar - Musings on Linux and Open Source by an Accidental Revolutionary"?
So who is the Accidental Revolutionary? ESR or Linus? Or maybe it's all the people who are celebrities in the world of Open Source (so I guess RMS is an Accidental Revolutionary as well).
EXCLUSIVE! (Score:2, Funny)
by theroge on Tuesday November 28, @12:24PM EST (#150)
(User #214016 Info) http://www.mypeecee.org/
A quote leaked from the manuscript at the publisher:

"I wanted to create an OS better than the example OS use in my OS class: MINIX. I never did succeed in making Linux better, but I had a lot of fun on the way."

Doesn't this say it all?

Coming Soon... (Score:5, Funny)
by jonfromspace
([email protected]) on Tuesday November 28, @11:32AM EST (#98)
(User #179394 Info) http://www.itpwebsolutions.com
Linus - The Action Figure
Linus - The Breakfast Cereal
Linus - The Fragrance

Lotteries are a tax on people that suck at math

"Linus - The Unstoppable" The Movie (Score:1)
by Sabalon on Tuesday November 28, @01:36PM EST (#185)
(User #1684 Info)
See.....
      Linus take on Tannenbaum and obliterate Minux

See.....
      Linus take on Bill and Lynne Joltz and
                  leap ahead of 386BSD

See.....
      Linus take on the Devil (either BSD or Bill
                  Gates)

See.....
      Linus rescue a colony of furry penguins.

[June 27, 2000] Such a sexy means to such an unsexy end by Sebbo ([email protected]) on Tuesday June 27, @04:15PM EDT (#16) (User Info) http://world.std.com/~sebbo

The original press conference read sort of like the Cheese Shop Sketch.

"The crusoe can emulate any chip at all."
"Like a PowerPC?"
"Theoretically."
"Or an Alpha?"
"Technically."
"Or a Dragonball?"
"Probably."
"So what can it actually emulate?"
"Any chip at all, so long as it's an x86."

details (Score:3, Funny)
by Golias on Tuesday June 27, @04:18PM EDT (#22)
(User Info)

It is starting to bug me that none of the Transmeta-related press releases I have seen so far seem to give many clues about the price of these chips. Sure they are low-power, low-heat chips filled with all kinds of crunchy goodness, but how do they stack up against, for example, the fondly remembered Strong-ARM in terms of "!" for "$"?

For that matter, how to they compete in price against the IBM-cabal's G3, which runs for hours off the static electricity of your body and actually cools the air around its own heatsinks, but costs more than a new family car... or the good old "de"Celeron, which doubles your power bill and is so hot that you can cook an egg on the next desk over, but can be bought in the Wal-mart bargain bin for $3 a pop and overclocked to 1.5 GHz?

(Disclaimer: The above might contain a few slight exaggerations of the strengths and weaknesses of various CPU's.)

Information wants to be anthropomorphized.

osOpinion: A Letter from Bill

GPL as Gate's Public License - not bad ;-)

Let's give that poor Finn some relief. You've leaned on him too long. Besides, he works for my buddy, Paul. Let's help Paul to get his undivided attention for a while.

Humorix 1998: Church of Linux Established

SAN JOSE, CA -- The first sanctuary for the new Church of Linux opened today in Silicon Valley. Church founders celebrated by passing out Linux CDs to bystanders and by roasting Windows 98 CDs on a portable BBQ grill. "This is a milestone in computing history," one observer noted.

The Church of Linux has received official non-profit status from the State of California. It is now a recognized religion. "We founded the CoL because, well, we think Linus Torvalds is God," a CoL members said. "Who else could write such heavenly code? We are currently writing an official Bible; right now we are endorsing 'The Cathedral and the Bazaar' as an interrim manifesto."

... ... ...

Transmeta: Front for Illegal Immigration

SANTA CLARA, CA -- The INS has reported raiding the headquarters of Transmeta, Inc. to uncover a secret Finn smuggling operation. Over the past few months, Transmeta has been secretly bringing "Finnbacks", as they are called, into this country to work in their chip design sweatshop.

... ... ...

[Jul 14,  1998] The Future of Linux Phil Hughes QuestionsThe Future of Linux

How much bigger will the Linux market be in 2000?

World domination: how much longer?
[reference to Linus's rather famous stated goal in his .sig or .plan or something]

What is Samba's role in Linux's acceptance?

Corel's Network Computer is running Linux, as is Cobalt's MicroServer (a 7-inch cube)--these are basically Linux appliances.
[not sure what the question was, exactly...]

Open Source is obviously just another fad...isn't it?

What will be the long-term effects on Linux of Microsoft's recent win against Netscape (i.e., bundling MSIE in Win98)?

What do we need to do to get apps (such as from Adobe and Quark, which are the only non-Linux apps used by Linux Journal) ported to Linux?

With regard to the Linux Standard Base (a standard for base-level compatibility across Linux distributions), Red Hat and Debian's standard package formats, Red Hat's early adoption of glibc vs. everyone else, etc.: are we doing this right? Are there too many Linux ``standards''?

What if Microsoft plays the Linux game? For example, Open Windows 99 or Internet Explorer for Linux?

NASA, NIST, the US Postal Service, (IRS?)--is the US Government the first step toward world domination?

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