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Surveillance related humor

News National Security State Recommended Links Privacy is Dead – Get Over It Cyberstalking Total control: keywords in your posts that might trigger surveillance How to collect and analyse your own metadata "Everything in the Cloud" Utopia
Issues of security and trust Facebook as Giant Database about Users Blocking Facebook email Security MTA Log Analyzers HTTP Servers Log Analyses Cookie Cutting Military Bureaucracy and Military Incompetence
Malware Data Stealing Trojans Flame Duqu Trojan Magic Lantern CIPAV Google Toolbar Search engines privacy
Cyberwarfare Anomaly detection Building Snort-based IDS Infrastructure Steganography The Jargon file Nineteen Eighty-Four IDS Humor Etc

The greatest story related to the topic is probably the following which was written before snowden reverations:

[Jul 22, 2012] Mark Zuckerberg Awarded CIA Surveillance Medal  by  Jim W. Dean, VT Editor

Facebook Contributed More to Monitoring Americans Than All Other Sources Combined, and Cheaper, too. Login to Facebook to comment. Nuff said.
Veterans Today

Who’s behind those Foster Grants – The CIA, of course.

Well, now it is official. Mark Zuckerberg was not so smart after all, but just fronting for the CIA in one of the biggest Intelligence coups of all times.

But there remains one small problem, the CIA is not supposed to monitor Americans. I guess we will hear more on that soon from the lawyers once the litigation gets cranked up.

Personally I will be more interested in how this is going to effect the stock offering and shares as all Americans should own the entity that has been spying on them.

And then there are the SEC full disclosure regulations and penalties. It’s bonanza time for the lawyers.

Could the loophole the CIA used be that, ‘you aren’t being spied on if you are willingly posting everything a repressive regime would love to have on your Facebook account, with no threats, no family hostages, no dirty movies or photos that could be released?

But enough with the lead in. Let’s take you directly to our source where you can get it straight from the source’s mouth, including seeing Zuckerberg getting his award.

We really need your comments on this below so we can speak to power with one voice…something that can rarely be done around here.

I know what you’re thinking, but no, I am not stupid…all of my Facebook material is all made up, including all of my friends. I am in the safe zone. My momma didn’t raise no fool. But how about you?

 


YouTube - Veterans Today -  – CIA and Zuckerberg

Hope you enjoyed the spoof folks. I thought it was great. And congrats to the Onion News Network gang  on getting those 3.7 million YouTube views !!!

  1. DaveE

    July 10, 2012 - 6:27 pm

     

    “The Onion” is great and they certainly have no shortage of material for their satirical wit. I guess you might as well laugh about it, there’s no telling how much longer we’ll be able to laugh about ANYTHING, if the Zuckerbergs have their way with us.

    Log in to Reply
  2. PallMall

    July 10, 2012 - 6:39 pm

     

    Of course, everyone should realize this video is SPOOF News by The Onion.
    http://www.creditwritedowns.com/2011/03/the-onion-cia-says-facebook-is-a-dream-come-true.html

    Log in to Reply
  3. PallMall

    July 10, 2012 - 6:46 pm

     

    Chris Sartinsky is a writer for The Onion News Network.

    Log in to Reply
  4. The Rahnameh

    July 10, 2012 - 9:10 pm

     

    Google as well. Google suffers from a clever stock price inflation. It begs the question, “What has Google done to assure its investors that it is worth its price every quarter?” After you attempt the answer, then contrast that with a bonafide security like Apple (and what it had to do to maintain its price). Facebook was a ponzi scheme. The entire market is a pyramid scheme, in fact.

    The game is theirs and one can keep playing it or change the rules to win. The effect here is akin to the one that begets protestors who ready to revolt against a government, but are still subconsciously observing basic pedestrian rules, keeping off property where it’s obviously private, etc.

    Facebook and Google are a team. The cover for the collaboration was blown when Facebook became a Google searchable hit.

    Here is the top level synopsis in hindsight (I have left out many details/tangents):

    1. “America Online” (oy, the name’s obvious!) care of Steve Case and many Zionists. AOL was arguably an even more robust online social community than Facebook, with customizable profiles, Keywords, status messages/tweets known as away messages, message boards, e-mail, instant messages, multiplayer games, and even viable chat rooms;
    2. DARPA released WWW and people escaped from a stale AOL;
    3. Friendster and Myspace emerge. Myspace’s addresses replace AOL’s keywords in an eerie redux;
    4. Myspace is bought by Rupert Murdoch and subsequently turns into a spam filled lot of junk from what was a robust community of customizable information; and then,
    5. Facebook emerges as the new bastion and a migration occurs to the “new scene”. These migrations are little more than media encouraged penning of sheeple into various cages.

    This continues, but based on the linear history above alone, one can make many accurate inferences.

    Log in to Reply
  5. JS

    July 11, 2012 - 7:28 am

     

    No, I did NOT enjoy the spoof. Of course I’m aware of The Onion and their spoof news, but billions worldwide are unaware of who they are, and many will take this “news” seriously. The Onion is a disinfo operative’s “wet dream”. I’m surprised you guys find it funny. One of these days, The Onion may do a spoof about you. Would you laugh then? Enough already.

    For the record, I have never had a personal MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc account. Would consider one only for business.

    Log in to Reply
    • Jim W. Dean

      July 11, 2012 - 10:38 am

       

      JS, You are the second person in a year to not like a Spoof….that you should have picked up on. We are, among other things, an intel and analysis site, and we do things like this so readers have a chance to see what they missed if they don’t get it till the end.

      We do this not only to give readers a feel for what it’s like to be able to pick up on stuff like this, say in a situation where it was critical to do so. We will keep doing it as long as the huge majority enjoys…and more than a few of those even catch the between the lines message that was in here.

      Re-watch it and you will spot the clues…and you will spot them sooner the next time. It’s called learning, and we are doing it every day…and teaching, too. Gordon’s peice that follows is a bookend to this one…the Phd level…where the whole public got ‘spoofed’ on the DC Sniper case.

      So we all need to be smarter if we are going to be able to give the bad guys a run for their money. Right now, they are on the golf course…not too worried.

      Thanks for your efforts.

      Log in to Reply
  6. judgment

    July 11, 2012 - 11:04 pm

     

    I know this is the land of freedom and one should not expect to worry about being spied on but. I never signed up on Face book, when asked why I could only say “just a feeling, because of the personal questions they asked to join” One thing people should know by now is that government is surely not going to look out for what we get yourself into for any reason, as we used to say “read the small print”.

    Some years ago an Orthopedic Clinic asked me for my personal picture which they were taking there to go on my record. Why does my face picture has to do with my spinal condition??? Help said “government requested we do so for all the records now”. This was before Obama.

    Interesting because some months ago I started using a local Orthopedic emergency etc. The paper they gave me to sign had nothing to do with pinched nerve, so I asked and got a very rude answer. The people sitting there were poor very likely Medical, they said they would absorb cost Medicare did not pay.

    I smelled some fraud and evidently they did not want curious people, Well, never could get an appointment from them. Same with Well Fargo asking me for personal financial information to open a checking account. They were so testy when I refused to tell them the amount of my Family Trust Estate, I told them they were to sophisticated for me and closed the checking account.

    So, it is going around, list of names they sell pay very well. Somewhere recently I read an offer names, phone address,of all Obama volunteer from that special Obama For America. the price was in the thousands.


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Old News ;-)

[Dec 13, 2013] Friday Humor The NSA Is Coming To Town

Zero Hedge

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 12/13/2013 14:48 -0500

"You better watch out, you better not Skype, you better Log Out, you better not type, The NSA is coming to town..."

h/t Mike Krieger at Liberty Blitzkrieg blog

[Nov 12, 2013] 'F-CK YOU GOOGLE+' video missy scoops BIG WAD of $$ - for Google By Kelly Fiveash

Amazing achievement: ad giant managed to monetize hate...
Nov 11, 2013 | The Register

A futile attempt to convince Google to reverse its decision to lock its ID-tracking, data-mining Google+ product into YouTube comments has helped to generate more ad revenue on the vid-sharing site.

A sweary, well-spoken young woman from Essex has had more than half a million hits on a YouTube video she posted just two days ago in which she sings a twee song entitled "Fuck You, Google+" accompanied by a guitar*.

..."Fuck you, Google+, your website can get fucked", sings Emma Blackery, who - at time of writing - had collected 680,491 hits over the past 48 hours on YouTube.

... Google scooped a measly 45 per cent of the money resulting from her video. She gets the rest under the terms of her partnership with the advertising goliath.

[Aug 17, 2013] Internet Traffic Plunges By 40% As Google Goes Dark For Five Minutes

Zero Hedge

Want to throw the world into sheer URL panic and outright informational chaos? Then just take out Google.

At least that is what a brief five minute outage of the world's favorite search engine on Friday night shows, when after all of Google's services were hit with unprecedented downtime from 3:52 pm until 3:57 pm Pacific Dauylight Time, some 40% of global internet traffic was lobbed off.

surf0766

Hooking in the new NSA equipment...

CheapBastard

When the Midget porn sites went dark, the SEC panicked ... thinking they were caught ... and shut off ... again.

LetThemEatRand

It was already clear. They had to plug in a new system because they are afraid public outrage (there actually is a little, surprisingly) will make them pretend to stop doing it.

This way, they can curtail the old spy network and switch over to the new one, and it will be the least untruthful testimony to say "we shut it down."

GMadScientist

DNS == Domain NSA Service

StarTedStackin'

FUCK ZUCK and FOOG GOOG

[Aug 11, 2013] 'Obama Please Be Nice to Me as I Fail to Deal with This Awful Mess I Created!'

Aug 11, 2013 | Economist's View

Second Best:

Instead of better safe than sorry, the Obama legacy will become better safe and sorry.

Darryl FKA Ron said in reply to Second Best...

:<)

I will second that Best.

[Aug 10, 2013] Mail Amusements - GNU Emacs Manual

32.6 Mail Amusements

M-x spook adds a line of randomly chosen keywords to an outgoing mail message. The keywords are chosen from a list of words that suggest you are discussing something subversive.

The idea behind this feature is the suspicion that the NSA1 and other intelligence agencies snoop on all electronic mail messages that contain keywords suggesting they might find them interesting. (The agencies say that they don't, but that's what they would say.) The idea is that if lots of people add suspicious words to their messages, the agencies will get so busy with spurious input that they will have to give up reading it all. Whether or not this is true, it at least amuses some people.

You can use the fortune program to put a "fortune cookie" message into outgoing mail. To do this, add fortune-to-signature to mail-setup-hook:

     (add-hook 'mail-setup-hook 'fortune-to-signature)

You will probably need to set the variable fortune-file before using this.


Footnotes

[1] The US National Security Agency.

[Aug 10, 2013] Video Of The Day Operation Everyone Talk Like A Terrorist

Aug 09, 2013 | Zero Hedge

Submitted by Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

The folks at Funny or Die have come up with an ingenious solution to render the NSA's spy program useless. Operation: Everyone Talk Like a Terrorist All the Time. It makes a lot of sense, especially since the government already clearly considers everyone with the ability to think critically a potential "domestic terrorist." Short video and really funny. Enjoy!

Cacete de Ouro

Here's a good mock terrorist quote to use while on the phone to your friends...

"Maybe the smartest thing to do is Pull It!" ... .... ... Hold on, sorry..., I've just been informed that this quote was used by a real terrorist, so maybe best not to use this one...

[Aug 03, 2013] XKeyscore: NSA tool collects 'nearly everything a user does on the internet'

31 July 2013 | The Guardian

taxineil

NSA is the only part of the US government that actually listens to the people.

Niclynn

Aw. When I was a kid, my parents assured me that I was never alone. I thought they were talking about Jesus, but it turns out they meant creepers at the NSA can be the ones to watch over me at night. And double-check to make sure those pictures I'm sending to my husband aren't too racy. That's sweet.

diamondgeeza -> Niclynn

I've decided to stop backing up my files. I mean, what's the point? If I lose data all I need to do is phone Fort Meade right? They'll have a copy.

Wackedsteaks

Hey Russians you have a XKeyscore server on your territory.

Zakida

The Stasi would be proud

Bluestone -> Zakida

Personally I think they would be jealous as all hell.

What the American government is doing right now is the Stasi wetest of wet dreams.

smileydog -> johannesgutenberg

Maybe if governments weren't spending huge amounts of money spying on the world, they'd have more money to do something about housing.

McStep

the nsa is collecting MY internet data? what an absolute waste of the US taxpayer's money...

NapoleonXIV

"These types of programs allow us to collect the information that enables us to perform our missions successfully – to defend the nation and to protect US and allied troops abroad."

I'm glad to know that my emails to my wife about tonight's dinner are helping to save American and allied troops abroad. Do I get a fucking medal from Uncle Sam?

pukkap

The ministry of truth are watching so remember

WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

TPSpaced -> Out pukkap

Ignorance is bliss (The Matrix)

Justin Prado
one of my favorites. Very Prophetical. The Onion / facebook / CIA

Winston Smith

Wow, this IS scary! Scarier still is if I unplug my computer, ditch my cell phone, and take a hammer to my tablet I might have to *gasp* TALK to people...face to face...find out who my neighbors are...or even what people look like...

[Jul 02, 2013] 22 Nauseating Quotes From Hypocritical Establishment Politicians About The NSA Spying Scandal

June 30, 2013 | Zero Hedge

#17 An exchange between NSA director Keith Alexander and U.S. Representative Hank Johnson in March 2012...

JOHNSON: Does the NSA routinely intercept American citizens' emails?

ALEXANDER: No.

JOHNSON: Does the NSA intercept Americans' cell phone conversations?

ALEXANDER: No.

JOHNSON: Google searches?

ALEXANDER: No.

JOHNSON: Text messages?

ALEXANDER: No.

JOHNSON: Amazon.com orders?

ALEXANDER: No.

JOHNSON: Bank records?

ALEXANDER: No.

Guinness Beaumon

For the sake of saving time, (Score:5, Insightful)

Could we just get the list of who the NSA isn't spying on? It seems to be much shorter.

Pkincywrote:

"1984" has arrived, albeit 20-30 years after Orwell predicted it.

Timinatorwrote:

So basically, the NSA now has the largest collection of on line porn in the world.

[Jul 22, 2012] Mark Zuckerberg Awarded CIA Surveillance Medal by Jim W. Dean, VT Editor

Facebook Contributed More to Monitoring Americans Than All Other Sources Combined, and Cheaper, too. Login to Facebook to comment. Nuff said.
Veterans Today

Who's behind those Foster Grants – The CIA, of course.

Well, now it is official. Mark Zuckerberg was not so smart after all, but just fronting for the CIA in one of the biggest Intelligence coups of all times.

But there remains one small problem, the CIA is not supposed to monitor Americans. I guess we will hear more on that soon from the lawyers once the litigation gets cranked up.

Personally I will be more interested in how this is going to effect the stock offering and shares as all Americans should own the entity that has been spying on them.

And then there are the SEC full disclosure regulations and penalties. It's bonanza time for the lawyers.

Could the loophole the CIA used be that, 'you aren't being spied on if you are willingly posting everything a repressive regime would love to have on your Facebook account, with no threats, no family hostages, no dirty movies or photos that could be released?

But enough with the lead in. Let's take you directly to our source where you can get it straight from the source's mouth, including seeing Zuckerberg getting his award.

We really need your comments on this below so we can speak to power with one voice…something that can rarely be done around here.

I know what you're thinking, but no, I am not stupid…all of my Facebook material is all made up, including all of my friends. I am in the safe zone. My momma didn't raise no fool. But how about you?


YouTube - Veterans Today - – CIA and Zuckerberg

Hope you enjoyed the spoof folks. I thought it was great. And congrats to the Onion News Network gang on getting those 3.7 million YouTube views !!!

  1. DaveE

    July 10, 2012 - 6:27 pm

    "The Onion" is great and they certainly have no shortage of material for their satirical wit. I guess you might as well laugh about it, there's no telling how much longer we'll be able to laugh about ANYTHING, if the Zuckerbergs have their way with us.

    Log in to Reply
  2. PallMall

    July 10, 2012 - 6:39 pm

    Of course, everyone should realize this video is SPOOF News by The Onion.
    http://www.creditwritedowns.com/2011/03/the-onion-cia-says-facebook-is-a-dream-come-true.html

    Log in to Reply
  3. PallMall

    July 10, 2012 - 6:46 pm

    Chris Sartinsky is a writer for The Onion News Network.

    Log in to Reply
  4. The Rahnameh

    July 10, 2012 - 9:10 pm

    Google as well. Google suffers from a clever stock price inflation. It begs the question, "What has Google done to assure its investors that it is worth its price every quarter?" After you attempt the answer, then contrast that with a bonafide security like Apple (and what it had to do to maintain its price). Facebook was a ponzi scheme. The entire market is a pyramid scheme, in fact.

    The game is theirs and one can keep playing it or change the rules to win. The effect here is akin to the one that begets protestors who ready to revolt against a government, but are still subconsciously observing basic pedestrian rules, keeping off property where it's obviously private, etc.

    Facebook and Google are a team. The cover for the collaboration was blown when Facebook became a Google searchable hit.

    Here is the top level synopsis in hindsight (I have left out many details/tangents):

    1. "America Online" (oy, the name's obvious!) care of Steve Case and many Zionists. AOL was arguably an even more robust online social community than Facebook, with customizable profiles, Keywords, status messages/tweets known as away messages, message boards, e-mail, instant messages, multiplayer games, and even viable chat rooms;
    2. DARPA released WWW and people escaped from a stale AOL;
    3. Friendster and Myspace emerge. Myspace's addresses replace AOL's keywords in an eerie redux;
    4. Myspace is bought by Rupert Murdoch and subsequently turns into a spam filled lot of junk from what was a robust community of customizable information; and then,
    5. Facebook emerges as the new bastion and a migration occurs to the "new scene". These migrations are little more than media encouraged penning of sheeple into various cages.

    This continues, but based on the linear history above alone, one can make many accurate inferences.

    Log in to Reply
  5. JS

    July 11, 2012 - 7:28 am

    No, I did NOT enjoy the spoof. Of course I'm aware of The Onion and their spoof news, but billions worldwide are unaware of who they are, and many will take this "news" seriously. The Onion is a disinfo operative's "wet dream". I'm surprised you guys find it funny. One of these days, The Onion may do a spoof about you. Would you laugh then? Enough already.

    For the record, I have never had a personal MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc account. Would consider one only for business.

    Log in to Reply
    • Jim W. Dean

      July 11, 2012 - 10:38 am

      JS, You are the second person in a year to not like a Spoof….that you should have picked up on. We are, among other things, an intel and analysis site, and we do things like this so readers have a chance to see what they missed if they don't get it till the end.

      We do this not only to give readers a feel for what it's like to be able to pick up on stuff like this, say in a situation where it was critical to do so. We will keep doing it as long as the huge majority enjoys…and more than a few of those even catch the between the lines message that was in here.

      Re-watch it and you will spot the clues…and you will spot them sooner the next time. It's called learning, and we are doing it every day…and teaching, too. Gordon's peice that follows is a bookend to this one…the Phd level…where the whole public got 'spoofed' on the DC Sniper case.

      So we all need to be smarter if we are going to be able to give the bad guys a run for their money. Right now, they are on the golf course…not too worried.

      Thanks for your efforts.

      Log in to Reply
  6. judgment

    July 11, 2012 - 11:04 pm

    I know this is the land of freedom and one should not expect to worry about being spied on but. I never signed up on Face book, when asked why I could only say "just a feeling, because of the personal questions they asked to join" One thing people should know by now is that government is surely not going to look out for what we get yourself into for any reason, as we used to say "read the small print".

    Some years ago an Orthopedic Clinic asked me for my personal picture which they were taking there to go on my record. Why does my face picture has to do with my spinal condition??? Help said "government requested we do so for all the records now". This was before Obama.

    Interesting because some months ago I started using a local Orthopedic emergency etc. The paper they gave me to sign had nothing to do with pinched nerve, so I asked and got a very rude answer. The people sitting there were poor very likely Medical, they said they would absorb cost Medicare did not pay.

    I smelled some fraud and evidently they did not want curious people, Well, never could get an appointment from them. Same with Well Fargo asking me for personal financial information to open a checking account. They were so testy when I refused to tell them the amount of my Family Trust Estate, I told them they were to sophisticated for me and closed the checking account.

    So, it is going around, list of names they sell pay very well. Somewhere recently I read an offer names, phone address,of all Obama volunteer from that special Obama For America. the price was in the thousands.

[May 17, 2010] China to Stop Spying on its People; Will Use Facebook Instead by Andi Borowitz

If only Borowitz know how close this humor story hit home ;-)

Social Network to Replace Listening Devices, Spy Satellites

BEIJING (The Borowitz Report) - The Chinese government announced today that it would disband its extensive domestic spying program that gathers personal information on its citizens and would instead use Facebook.

According to the head of the domestic spying operation, China decided to scrap its elaborate array of spy satellites, eavesdropping devices and closed-circuit surveillance cameras after recognizing that Facebook put them all to shame. __"At the end of the day, we were not getting as much intimate personal data as Facebook does," he said. "So as of today, every man, woman and child in China is officially our 'friend.'"__

The Chinese version of Facebook, launched next week, will feature addictive online games reminiscent of the American version, such as Collective Farmville.

Elsewhere, a new study shows that the link between cell phones and cancer is unclear, but the link between cell phones and assholes remains strong.

===

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS SYNDICATE

Facebook Unveils New Waste of Time by

April 7, 2013 | The New Yorker

MENLO PARK (The Borowitz Report)-Before a rapt audience at Facebook headquarters Thursday, Facebook C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg unveiled new software that he promised "will totally change the way you are wasting your life."

Explaining the development of Facebook's new phone software, Home, Mr. Zuckerberg said, "Our research showed that Facebook users still had a few hours a day when they were leading somewhat healthy and productive lives. Our new software will change all of that."

Mr. Zuckerberg said his developers had worked for months developing Home, "which seizes control of your phone and makes it good for little other than Facebook-much like many Facebook users themselves."

By bombarding the user with status updates on a twenty-four-hour basis, he boasted, "Home transforms Facebook from just a social network into something akin to a neurological disorder."

As the audience applauded that pronouncement, Mr. Zuckerberg added, "At Facebook, we want to be a million voices inside your head."

When one member of the audience worried whether Home would give Facebook even more access to private information about one's life, Mr. Zuckerberg reassured the questioner, "After using Home for several weeks, you will have no life."

While clearly proud of his latest product, Mr. Zuckerberg gave notice that he did not intend to rest on his laurels: "At Facebook, we will never stop striving to replace real experience with something soulless and empty."

USA PRISM Plus, the perfect NSA photo-sharing app for those who have nothing to hide

Finally, an Android app for those who have 'nothing to hide,' as it randomly snaps photos from your phone and tweets them to the NSA.

By Ms. Smith on Mon, 07/22/13 - 2:43pm.

I don't watch much TV, but it just so happens that I did recently and it included one of my pet-peeve phrases "nothing to hide." During a HGTV show in which a couple was moving overseas and house hunting, when shown a house with virtually no privacy, the man said it was a good thing they had "nothing to hide." I've heard people use that excuse in all sorts of situations, and you probably have too. So now, the next time you hear someone claim they have "nothing to hide," if they have an Android phone, then please do recommend this app called USA PRISM Plus. USA PRISM Plus

Many different polls have been published since the Snowden leaks, with a surprisingly high number of Americans stating that the NSA surveillance is fine so long as it stops terrorism. In that case, those people surely would be OK with helping the NSA ascertain that they are not involved in terrorist, cybercrime, or other illegal activities.

Redditor and developer Fergus Macpherson described as NSA PRISM Plus on the Google Play store as:

Over 300 million Americans enjoy the services provided by USA PRISM Lite, a vast personal communication data collection network. But it's not just Americans: the NSA's global jurisdiction allows it to serve countless millions more around the world.

Now you can take the next step with USA PRISM Plus, which adds photographic evidence to this collection. Photos taken from your mobile phone without your awareness will be used to determine that you are not engaging in illegal activities. Your activities can be verified by members of the community on Twitter, or you can send the photos straight to the National Security Agency for extra verification.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.macphef.prism

Satisfied app 5-star user reviews include Tom Fischer: "A pocket full of patriotism. He who would trade liberty for security... deserves a smooth, hassle-free user experience. Freedom has never been so convenient!"

John GW wrote, "I always worried whether or not the NSA was reading my content... Now with PRISM PLUS, I don't have to worry because now they'll have direct access to my Twitter with images to insure I'm not up to terrorist activities! Thank God for the NSA keeping us safe from ourselves. Sometimes laws need to be secret to protect us, and I'm thankful for the US government listening in to everything I do, keeping me safe."

According to NSA PRISM Plus user Dakota Carter's review, "Now I don't have to be afraid of myself. I was worried that one day I might do something against the law, but now that I can give the NSA 100% access to my life, I don't have to be afraid of myself!"

This handy, dandy app can also be used to troll the NSA as Issac Alvarado suggested. "The NSA will love pictures of my desk with my phone down."

Not an American citizen or resident of the U.S., but still want to help the NSA because you have nothing to hide? No problem, as pointed out by Nghia Hoang: "Privacy no more!" He added that the app gives the NSA a "bigger chance than ever to watch" over he and his wife's "activities 24/7. We have nothing to hide to the US government (FYI, I'm not resident in US at all), and I'm sure they will use this useful information about me to catch more terrorists (I don't know how, but I'm sure they are)." He sarcastically concluded, "This app is so awesome."

If you, like me, aren't inclined to install USA PRISM Plus, then just make a mental note to recommend the free Android app to all the people who don't care about privacy and claim they have "nothing to hide." It might also be an excellent recommendation to all the people who overshare on Facebook, so they can overshare with the NSA on Twitter too.

NSA Branding Czar goes 'ape sh!' over release of old PowerPoint templates By SkitSketchJeff

June 12, 2013 | FluffingtonPost
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Disclosure of two highly classified NSA surveillance programs has unleashed a tsunami of Beltway anger, recriminations and finger pointing not seen since the final days of the 2008 McCain-Palin campaign.

For when the Washington Post and Guardian stories broke June 6, no one was more livid at the publishing of four top-secret internal PowerPoint slides than NSA Branding Czar Jessica Blythe-Moore.

"Seeing those classified slides in public was an atrocity, especially since they featured a PowerPoint template I personally decommissioned three years ago," said Blythe-Moore, a 22-year NSA veteran. "I've said it a thousand times: We'll never have integrity as an organization until we have brand integrity."

Although not authorized to publicly discuss any NSA business, the scandal so outraged her she said she felt compelled to openly speak truth to power.

"Look, I weathered the intelligence failures of 9/11 and even Clinton using our executive conference room as a personal pied-a-terre for afternoon delights, but I've never been more disappointed in my government than now," she said. "It's a wake-up call. It reminds us a bad branding decision by just one employee can make the whole agency look out-of-control and un-American."

According to Blythe-Moore, the 41-slide presentation leaked by former NSA analyst Edward Snowden violates 13 current brand standards. This includes omission of a mandated 5-point Sedona Red rule line atop each slide and use of an antiquated operations logo. (The new one has "a more determined eagle and a 1-point black border that makes the colors really pop.")

NSA Prism powerpoint title page
Even more outrageous in her view, the logo for the PRISM internet surveillance program – which critics contend violates individual liberties guaranteed by the Bill of Rights – also violated multiple design and branding best practices.

"Everyone here should know no logo can be larger than the 'Special Source Operations' logo in the upper left. Plus, it's verboten to place any other logo in the header area. So that PRISM logo should have been shrunk and moved to the lower right," she said.

"It's exasperating. I did a yearlong change-management rollout of the new templates, and my 120-minute NSA PRISM powerpoint detailtutorial video is still on our Intranet," Blythe-Moore said, hugging her thick branding binder to her chest. "And public fiascos like this could be prevented if every one just let me review their final presentations, but no one has the guts to increase my security clearance."

Congress has launched multiple probes into the spying scandal, and Blythe-Moore said she will launch her own investigation to discover and remove all old templates from department hardware.

"At first, I didn't condone what Edward Snowden did, but now that I'm a whistle blower too, I must say it feels pretty good," she said. "After all, where are we as a society and as a highly secretive public agency, if I can't be a proud brand ambassador for an agency I spend more time with than with my own family?"

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who suffers from clinical branding PTSD due to the loss of twin brothers during the Cola Wars.

For more FluffPost coverage of the NSA, see these stories:

May 17, 2012 A Letter from Mark Zuckerberg

Posted by

May 17, 2012 | The New Yorker

MENLO PARK, Calif. (The Borowitz Report)-On the eve of Facebook's I.P.O., founder and C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg published the following letter to potential investors:

Dear Potential Investor:

For years, you've wasted your time on Facebook. Now here's your chance to waste your money on it, too.

Tomorrow is Facebook's I.P.O., and I know what some of you are thinking. How will Facebook be any different from the dot-com bubble of the early 2000s?

For one thing, those bad dot-com stocks were all speculation and hype, and weren't based on real businesses. Facebook, on the other hand, is based on a solid foundation of angry birds and imaginary sheep.

Second, Facebook is the most successful social network in the world, enabling millions to share information of no interest with people they barely know.

Third, every time someone clicks on a Facebook ad, Facebook makes money. And while no one has ever done this on purpose, millions have done it by mistake while drunk. We totally stole this idea from iTunes.

Finally, if you invest in Facebook, you'll be far from alone. As a result of using Facebook for the past few years, over nine hundred million people in the world have suffered mild to moderate brain damage, impairing their ability to make reasoned judgments. These will be your fellow Facebook investors.

With your help, if all goes as planned tomorrow, Facebook's I.P.O. will net a hundred billion dollars. To put that number in context, it would take JP Morgan four or five trades to lose that much money.

One last thing: What will, I, Mark Zuckerberg, do with the eighteen billion dollars I'm expected to earn from Facebook's I.P.O.? Well, I'm considering buying Greece, but that would still leave me with eighteen billion dollars. LOL.

Friend me,

Mark



Etc

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Vol 25, No.12 (December, 2013) Rational Fools vs. Efficient Crooks The efficient markets hypothesis : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2013 : Unemployment Bulletin, 2010 :  Vol 23, No.10 (October, 2011) An observation about corporate security departments : Slightly Skeptical Euromaydan Chronicles, June 2014 : Greenspan legacy bulletin, 2008 : Vol 25, No.10 (October, 2013) Cryptolocker Trojan (Win32/Crilock.A) : Vol 25, No.08 (August, 2013) Cloud providers as intelligence collection hubs : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : Inequality Bulletin, 2009 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Copyleft Problems Bulletin, 2004 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Energy Bulletin, 2010 : Malware Protection Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 26, No.1 (January, 2013) Object-Oriented Cult : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2011 : Vol 23, No.11 (November, 2011) Softpanorama classification of sysadmin horror stories : Vol 25, No.05 (May, 2013) Corporate bullshit as a communication method  : Vol 25, No.06 (June, 2013) A Note on the Relationship of Brooks Law and Conway Law

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Fifty glorious years (1950-2000): the triumph of the US computer engineering : Donald Knuth : TAoCP and its Influence of Computer Science : Richard Stallman : Linus Torvalds  : Larry Wall  : John K. Ousterhout : CTSS : Multix OS Unix History : Unix shell history : VI editor : History of pipes concept : Solaris : MS DOSProgramming Languages History : PL/1 : Simula 67 : C : History of GCC developmentScripting Languages : Perl history   : OS History : Mail : DNS : SSH : CPU Instruction Sets : SPARC systems 1987-2006 : Norton Commander : Norton Utilities : Norton Ghost : Frontpage history : Malware Defense History : GNU Screen : OSS early history

Classic books:

The Peter Principle : Parkinson Law : 1984 : The Mythical Man-MonthHow to Solve It by George Polya : The Art of Computer Programming : The Elements of Programming Style : The Unix Hater’s Handbook : The Jargon file : The True Believer : Programming Pearls : The Good Soldier Svejk : The Power Elite

Most popular humor pages:

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The Last but not Least


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