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The Psychopath in the Corner Office

News Books Classification of Corporate Psychopaths Recommended Links Recommended Papers  
Office Stockholm Syndrome Corporate Psychopath Trait Enumeration Learned helplessness High Demand Cults Leaders Practices as a Model of Corporate Psychopath Behavior The Fiefdom Syndrome Abusive, Authority Based Relationships
Anger trap Manipulator Bosses Toxically Incompetent Managers Paranoid Managers Narcissistic Managers Workspace Bullies
Understanding micromanagers Fighting control freaks Documenting Micromanager Behavior Surviving a Bad Performance Review Groupthink Nikolai Bezroukov's Short Introduction to Lysenkoism
Communication with corporate psychopaths Coping with the toxic stress in IT environment Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Quiz Humor Etc
 


A la guerre, comme a la guerre

French proverb

 

"The main lesson I have learnt is that when dealing with a sociopath, the normal rules of etiquette do not apply. You are dealing with someone who has no empathy, no conscience, no remorse, and no guilt...It is a completely different mindset. Words like 'predator' and 'evil' are often used."

Field

The condition itself has been recognized for centuries, wearing evocative labels such as "madness without delirium" and "moral insanity" until the late 1800s, when "psychopath" was coined by a German clinician. But the term (and its later 1930s synonym, sociopath) had always been a sort of catch-all, widely and loosely applied to  violent and unstable criminals who seemed. The key feature of such people that do not treat others as humans, they treat them as animals.  But later this condition was expanded to include certain type of mangers that consistently demonstrate cult leader qualities. Such "office cult leader" like many high demand cult leaders  need only followers and try to completely enslave their victims. 

"The psychopath has no allegiance to the company at all, just to self,"
"A psychopath is playing a short-term parasitic game."

In 1980, Hare created a list of static traits, which, revised five years later, became known as the PCL-R. Popularly called "the Hare," the PCL-R measures psychopathy on a forty-point scale. Once it emerged, it helped to make the meaning of the term more uniform.

With all limitations inherent in such scales this was a good start and despite obvious limitation inherent if static lists it proved to be a useful (abet far from being perfect) tool.  Later Robert Hare and a New York-based  Dr Paul Babiak  extended this research to corporate environment. They defined special type of managers whom he called "corporate psychopath" or "criminals without a crime".

According to Professor Hare "Corporate psychopaths tend to be manipulative, arrogant, callous, impatient, impulsive, unreliable and prone to fly into rages" . He grade the subject's tendencies in areas and categories and sub-categories but he missed the obvious link of corporate psychopath and cult leaders. They generally demonstrate the same methods: they never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They dominate and humiliate their victims trying to convert them to slaves. Surprising percentage of corporate psychopaths are women,  They does not see others around her/him as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims and, in corporate environment, slaves:

  1. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
  2. Goal is the enslavement of his victim(s); Tries to exercises despotic control over every aspect of his victim's life
  3. Has a psychological need to justify his crimes
  4. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim

Hare categories that are useful warning signs include:

  1. Callousness/Lack of Empathy. Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. Their skills are used to exploit, abuse and exert power. Since most normal IT professionals cannot believe their boss would callously hurt them, they rationalize the behavior as necessary for their (or the group's) "good" and deny the abuse. When you became aware of the exploitation it really looks like "office rape"  and corresponds to the behavior of serial rapist.
     
  2. Carefully hidden chronically unstable, antisocial, or socially deviant lifestyle; often have early behavior problems/juvenile delinquency. Often demonstrate aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc. Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends due to pathological lying.
     
  3. Pathological Lying.  Like spiders they cannot live without spinning  a web of lies, creating complex artificial reality. Usually can give such authors as Hemingway run for the money in the ability to invent stories.  Has no problem lying coolly and easily "in the eyes" or even under the oath. Sometimes it looks like they cannot themselves distinguish facts and fiction. It is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Talented actors they can create, and get other caught up in a complex "artificial reality"  with realistic but invented details of their biography and abilities. Extremely convincing and able to pass lie detector tests. Often lie about their academic achievements and pretend to have  degrees that they never obtained.
     
  4. Glibness/Superficial Charm. Perfectly able to used superficial charm to confuse and convince their audience. Easily provide captivating invented stories suitable for the circumstances.  Demonstrate self-confidence.  they can . Very good in verbal confrontations, well trained to destroy their critics verbally or emotionally.
     
  5. Extremely Manipulative and Conning.  Never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors permissible. While they appear to be charming to strangers, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They dominate and humiliate their victims converting them into office slaves.  
     
  6. Grandiose Sense of Self.  Feels entitled to certain things as "their legitimate rights." Craves adulation and attendance. Creates and maintains group polarization, "us-versus-them" mentality. Systematically works on alienation of  subordinates from the rest of the company and instilling the view of "others" as hostile and threatening.
     
  7. Complete, Absolute Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt.  A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
     
  8. Shallow, Often Non-genuine Emotions. When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion, it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
     
  9. Dominating and expect unconditional surrender.  They are very harsh in testing it from their devotees and expect them to feel guilt for their failings. Expects unconditional surrender.
     
  10. Need for Stimulation. Corporate psychopaths are not necessary living on the edge like regular criminals, yet they like testing subordinates reactions with bizarre rules, punishments and behaviors. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Verbal conflict is what replaces some of  them sexual life.
     
  11. Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature. Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Try to instill the belief that they are well-connected. Demonstrate no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
     
  12. Failure to accept responsibility for one's own actions. Irresponsibility/Unreliability. Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blame their followers or others outside their group. Blame reinforces passivity and obedience and produces guilt, shame, terror and conformity in the followers.
     
  13. Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity. Women frequently practice office promiscuity using sex as an instrument to climb the ladder. This is usually kept hidden from all but the inner circle.
     
  14. Lack of Realistic planning, Parasitic Lifestyle. Tends to live by present moment, attempt to steal and provide to superiors as own ideas and achievements of subordinates. Highly sensitive to their own pain and health.

Other Related Qualities:

Corporate psychopaths score very high on Factor 1 ("selfish, callous, and remorseless use of others" category. This factor includes eight sub-traits:

  1. glibness and superficial charm;
  2. grandiose sense of self-worth;
  3. pathological lying;
  4. conning and manipulativeness;
  5. lack of remorse or guilt;
  6. shallow affect (i.e., a coldness covered up by dramatic emotional displays that are actually playacting);
  7. callousness and lack of empathy;
  8. Failure to accept responsibility for one's own actions.

Corporate psychopaths score only low to moderate on Factor 2, which pinpoints "chronically unstable, antisocial, and socially deviant lifestyle," the hallmarks of people who wind up in jail.

But enumeration of traits while helps to recognize the psychopath and provide some limited predictive value about the set of behaviors you can expect from them does not bring us any further as it is dynamics of usage of various types of attacks and attempts to subdue and enslave subordinates that matter.

Static depiction of the traits is too primitive method to capture the complexity of corporate psychopath. It can  has little or no predictive value for predicting types of attacks and enslavement methods used. The latter is the most important for IT professionals who need to deal with them on day to day basis. For some reason in many papers the term "psychopath" and "sociopath" are strongly associated with Mayberry Machiavellis type of bosses:  conning, ruthless and deceitful. IMHO the term is much broader then that and should include anybody who do not treat others as humans and who's aim is enslavement of subordinates much like cult leader attempts to enslave followers. This is the key disorder that distinguishes corporate psychopath from other types of "bad bosses" in modern organizations.  IT organizations though have a disproportionate number of woman who are addicted to power and use each and every trick to went up the ladder. They are probably the most dangerous type of corporate psychopaths in IT environment as they are somewhat protected by affirmative actions laws.

Hare estimates that psychopaths account for only about 1% of the general population. But he says there might be a higher proportion in such areas as business, politics, law enforcement agencies, law firms, religious organizations and, yes, the media. He noted that "They have a predatory quality to them and the prey is always around certain areas".  I suspect that in IT environment the percentage can be an order of magnitude higher and may well exceed 10% mark.  Large IT organizations are a perfect place for corporate psychopath to flourish as political skills not the competence are key for the path to the top. IT environment is a perfect setting for a corporate psychopath as most IT professionals lack social skills and as such are a pretty easy prey.

According to a recent (and very good) Fast Company article Is Your Boss a Psychopath by Alan Deutschman  psychopaths – defined as those unburdened by conscience who selfishly use people “callously and remorselessly for their own ends” –- don’t merely exist in corporate America, but are now more than ever harbored in the business environment. In his study involving a half-dozen companies, renowned industrial psychologist Paul Babiak found that the rapid changes the economy has recently undergone have fed corporate psychopaths, who thrive on the thrills of fast transformations.

After they became entrenched is it very difficult to smoke out these people and give them the boot.  Especially in corporate IT were the level of competence among other managers is not that high to mark a deviant with a black mark. One of the problems in identifying the corporate psychopath is that it's a world in which some of the defining characteristics are commonplace. Many successful managers and executives can, for example, be grandiose and narcissistic; but that doesn't necessarily mean they're psychopaths. Similarly, many organizations are set up in ways that foster these kinds of behaviors.  The key here is probably the level of competence. Psychopath are usually incompetents who using ruthless and Machiavellian behavior try to climb the corporate ladder. 

Their penetration in organization is usually staged in several phases:

As for victims of corporate psychopaths there is very little that they can do to regain control of their career other than leave their job altogether. You cannot negotiate with this kind of bully. First, because they are psychopaths and as such do not consider you to be a human, and the second they are extremely good at pulling the wool over their employers' eyes. In fact, if you try to negotiate or mediate, they will simply see you as vulnerable, which can put you in even more danger. As most of them are petty sadists they get their kicks out of causing other people pain, so a vulnerable person is a prime target.

Research conducted by Field has identified four types of "serial bully" in the workplace with the most dangerous type to be so called the "sociopath".

"The sociopath - which is short for 'socialized psychopath' - is basically my term for the corporate psychopath. I just chose to emphasize the 'socialized' aspect because these people have brought their behavior to just within what is socially and legally acceptable."

Sociopaths tend to be promoted to middle, or just above, middle management and while they often gravitate towards roles in business, the media, law and politics - where scheming and bullying is just part of everyday working life they became visible in others sectors too and first of all in education and academic research. That's because they prey on vulnerable people and vulnerable people often choose to work in this sector.

Now, because the pace of business has accelerated so much, only organizations that move fast can survive. It also makes those organization vulnerable to the infection by corporate psychopaths.

Not all corporate psychopaths get away with their antics, however. Alan Ross recalls working for a particularly mercenary one in an investment bank. "I was just out of university and she almost screwed me up completely," he says. "She had ambitions to move into a new area of work and did this primarily by getting her researchers - us - to translate and plagiarize equity research from all the continental banks and sell it as her own research. This proved highly successful and she was getting a name for herself as an expert."

Just before she was offered a major job in her new "expert" role, however, Ross decided to put an end to her reign of terror. "First we supplied a dossier to a magazine, which duly printed an exposé of her. Finally, to rub it right in, we sent copies of the article to every fund manager she ever had dealings with - i.e. all the bank's best and wealthiest customers. Job done - she was suspended pending an investigation and then sacked."

Although I am skeptical about trait enumeration exercises I still consider it valuable for gaining understanding of some typical pattern of behaviors. You can see the result of my exercise on this topic here. Of course this is a compilation, but this "individualized compilation"  that includes some prominent features of psychopath that I dealt with. Please note that you need to check list on all categories described above in order to see a bigger picture. Each psychopath is different from the other.


Notes:
  • This is a Spartan WHYFF (We Help You For Free) site written by people for whom English is not a native language. Some amount of grammar and spelling errors should be expected.
  • The site contain some broken links as it develops like a living tree... Please try to use Google, Open directory, etc. to find a replacement link (see HOWTO search the WEB for details). We would appreciate if you can mail us a correct link.
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[Mar 21, 2007] The Raw Story Six ways to spot the workplace psychopath lurking in your office by Hazel Parry

(Rawstory.com) Dr John Clarke, for years an expert in the criminal mind, remembers the day he suddenly realized that there might be psychopaths at large in millions of offices around the world. "I was giving a lecture on criminal psychology and gave a psychopath checklist," he said. "At the end, a woman came up and said 'You have just described my boss'."

What Clarke discovered was that the psychopath is not just a person you find in prison, in a courtroom or in the pages of a thriller. He or she is scheming in workplaces all over the world. Research claims that 1 per cent of the adult working population are workplace psychopaths. In offices large and small, in boardrooms and on shop floors the psychopath lurks; lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, victimising and destroying co- workers - all without any guilt or remorse.

Worse than that, says Clarke, these so-called organizational psychopaths thrive in the corporate world where their ruthlessness and desire to succeed is not only mistaken as ambition and good leadership skills but is rewarded with promotion, bonuses and pay rises.

Take for example the average job advertisement, says Clarke. "They say things like 'You know you are best, you are able to influence people, you are determined to win at any cost for the organisation.' These sorts of statements appeal to a lot of people, but they particularly appeal to the psychopath." "What an organisation is doing when they place an ad like this, is indirectly encouraging a psychopath to apply."

In an interview the psychopath is a charmer coming across as the perfect person for the job. "They are very good talkers and will often make up things in their resume so the interview panel is taken in by them," says Clarke. "They appear to be charming, intelligent and sophisticated and it is only if you dig a little deeper you can see what sort of person they are." The workplace psychopath will do anything to get the power, the status and the salary they crave.

"The workplace psychopath thinks the same as the criminal psychopath. They are all out for themselves," says Clarke. "However, the difference is that where the violent criminal psychopath physically destroys their victims, the workplace one psychologically destroys them."

Clarke, a PhD in psychology from the University of Sydney, is the author of the recently-published The Pocket Pscyho (Random House), a survival guide on how to protect yourself from the organizational psychopath.

According to Clarke you can spot the workplace psychopath by the following behaviour patterns and personality traits.

Workplace psychopaths operate by making friends with someone high up who can protect them. They undermine their boss while at the same time being friendly towards them and work their way up the corporate ladder. For those targeted by the psychopath, the consequences can be devastating. "They take away people's belief in themselves and their abilities. They take away their trust in other people," said Clarke. "The victim becomes cold, cynical, bitter and almost unable to function." Clarke says there are two weapons we can use to protect ourselves from the workplace psycho: education and teamwork.

In circumstances when the employer fails to act, Clarke recommends the victim should move jobs.

Why? Because you cannot change a psychopath, and rehabilitation only makes them worse. "They don't care. They don't think of themselves as psychopaths. They don't think they are doing wrong. They just think they are smart and if everyone else had the same intelligence, they would do the same thing," says Clarke. "When you rehabilitate them, you teach them social skills and show them how to deal with people appropriately. They will then use those social skills to better manipulate people." © 2006 - dpa German Press Agency   

The Hidden Suffering of the Psychopath

Psychopathy is characterized by diagnostic features such as superficial charm, high intelligence, poor judgment and failure to learn from experience, pathological egocentricity and incapacity for love, lack of remorse or shame, impulsivity, grandiose sense of self-worth, pathological lying, manipulative behavior, poor self-control, promiscuous sexual behavior, juvenile delinquency, and criminal versatility among others (Cleckley, 1982; Hare et al., 1990). As a consequence of these criteria the psychopath has the image of a cold, heartless, inhuman being.

BizzBangBuzz by technology attorney business lawyer mediator Anthony Cerminaro July 2005

"The psychopath has no allegiance to the company at all, just to self," ... "A psychopath is playing a short-term parasitic game." That was the profile of Fastow and Dunlap -- guys out to profit for themselves without any concern for the companies and lives they were wrecking. In contrast, Jobs and Ellison want their own companies to thrive forever -- indeed, to dominate their industries and take over other fields as well. "An entrepreneurial founder-CEO might have a narcissistic tendency that looks like psychopathy," Babiak says. "But they have a vested interest: Their identity is wrapped up with the company's existence. They're loyal to the company."
 

[Feb 1, 2007] Big Bully

Only recently has society begun to deal with female bullying, perhaps more insidious because it rarely involves fists. Rather pointed barbs and cruel remarks are used, frequently leaving much more lasting damage.

[Feb 1, 2007] Lovefraud Blog » Blog Archive » Red flags for workplace sociopaths

Workplace habits of a career sociopath

[Feb 1, 2007]The Psychopath The Mask of Sanity

In short, the psychopath - and the narcissist to a lesser extent - is a predator. Only real feelings they seem to have - the thing that drives them and causes them to act out different dramas for effect - is a sort of "predatorial hunger" for what they want.

It has often been noted that psychopaths have a distinct advantage over human beings with conscience and feelings because the psychopath does not have conscience and feelings. What seems to be so is that conscience and feelings are related to the abstract concepts of "future" and "others." It is "spatio-temporal." We can feel fear, sympathy, empathy, sadness, and so on because we can IMAGINE in an abstract way, the future based on our own experiences in the past, or even just "concepts of experiences" in myriad variations. We can "predict" how others will react because we are able to "see ourselves" in them even though they are "out there" and the situation is somewhat different externally, though similar in dynamic. In other words, we can not only identify with others spatially - so to say - but also temporally - in time.

The psychopath does not seem to have this capacity.

They are unable to "imagine" in the sense of being able to really connect to images in a direct "self connecting to another self" sort of way.

Oh, indeed, they can imitate feelings, but the only real feelings they seem to have - the thing that drives them and causes them to act out different dramas for effect - is a sort of "predatorial hunger" for what they want. That is to say, they "feel" need/want as love, and not having their needs/wants met is described as "not being loved" by them. What is more, this "need/want" perspective posits that only the "hunger" of the psychopath is valid, and anything and everything "out there," outside of the psychopath, is not real except insofar as it has the capability of being assimilated to the psychopath as a sort of "food." "Can it be used or can it provide something?" is the only issue about which the psychopath seems to be concerned. All else - all activity - is subsumed to this drive.

In short, the psychopath - and the narcissist to a lesser extent - is a predator. If we think about the interactions of predators with their prey in the animal kingdom, we can come to some idea of what is behind the "mask of sanity" of the psychopath. Just as an animal predator will adopt all kinds of stealthy functions in order to stalk their prey, cut them out of the herd, get close to them and reduce their resistance, so does the psychopath construct all kinds of elaborate camoflage composed of words and appearances - lies and manipulations - in order to "assimilate" their prey.

[Feb 1, 2007]  predators

The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us.  Magazine: Psychology Today, January/February, 1994. Adobe Acrobat .pdf version of this article.

Everybody has met these people, been deceived and manipulated by them, and forced to live with or repair the damage they have wrought.  These often charming -- but always deadly--individuals have a clinical name: psychopaths.  Their hallmark is a stunning lack of conscience; their game is self-gratification at the other person's expense.  Many spend time in prison, but many do not. All take far more than they give.

The most obvious expressions of psychopathy--but not the only ones -- involve the flagrant violation of society's rules.

... ... ..

Psychopaths show a stunning lack of concern for the effects their actions have on others, no matter how devastating these might be.  They may appear completely forthright about the matter, calmly stating that they have no sense of guilt, are not sorry for the ensuing pain, and that there is no reason now to be concerned.

... ... ...

Their lack of remorse or guilt is associated with a remarkable ability to rationalize their behavior, to shrug off personal responsibility for actions that cause family, friends, and others to reel with shock and disappointment.  They usually have handy excuses for their behavior, and in some cases deny that it happened at all.

DECEITFUL AND MANIPULATIVE

 With their powers of imagination in gear and beamed on themselves, psychopaths appear amazingly unfazed by the possibility--or even by the certainty--of being found out.  When caught in a lie or challenged with the truth, they seldom appear perplexed or embarrassed--they simply change their stories or attempt to rework the facts so they appear to be consistent with the lie. 

... ... ...

 IMPULSIVE  

Psychopaths are unlikely to spend much time weighing the pros and cons of a course of action or considering the possible consequences.  "I did it because I felt like it," is a common response. These impulsive acts often result from an aim that plays a central role in most of the psychopath's behavior: to achieve immediate satisfaction, pleasure, or relief.

POOR BEHAVIOR CONTROLS  

Besides being impulsive, psychopaths are highly reactive to perceived insults or slights.  Most of us have powerful inhibitory controls over our behavior; even if we would like to respond aggressively we are usually able to "keep the lid on." In psychopaths, these inhibitory controls are weak, and the slightest provocation is sufficient to overcome them.

As a result, psychopaths are short-tempered or hotheaded and tend to respond to frustration, failure, discipline, and criticism with sudden violence, threats or verbal abuse.  But their outbursts, extreme as they may be, are often short-lived, and they quickly act as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

... ... ...

Although psychopaths have a "hair trigger," their aggressive displays are "cold"; they lack the intense arousal experienced when other individuals lose their temper.

... ... ...

 LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY  

Obligations and commitments mean nothing to psychopaths.

 

[Jan 17, 2007] Carl von Clausewitz biography.

[Jan 17, 2007] psychopathy

An interesting observation:  those who cannot love want power.

In truth, psychopathy knows no boundaries.

First of all, it is found among all social classes. Such character disordered people are not only the charming con men and dangerous gold diggers that Dr. Hare warns us about, not only are they the lower-class, drunken, drug abusing "sociopaths" which Dr. Black writes about, they are also people who hold high positions in society, as Jungian author Guggenbuhl-Craig has said, because those who cannot love want power.

Some may disagree, but it has been well known that the socially adept psychopath, while his personal life may lie in disarray, is not incapable of reaching the heights of power (Hitler was a very good example of this). Hervey Cleckley also wrote about the socially adept psychopath in great detail.

Only as of late, with all the Enron scandals and related crimes, people are waking up to the fact that the most dangerous psychopath of all is the educated, socially adept psychopath, in fact, Dr. Hare recently said that he would probably be able to find many psychopaths involved in the stockmarket. It is time for American to "wake up" says Dr. Wolman, because we are being threatened by a serious epidemic of psychopathy.

In addition, the majority of psychopaths (4% of the population, although some think this is a modest estimate) are not just serial killers or greedy, cut-throat CEOs, but many are abrasive personalities who enjoy making life difficult for others. These psychopaths enjoy controlling others and "winning," and creating an environment of hostility and bitterness.

As a result of all the contradictions within the subject of psychopathy, I leave it up to you, the reader, to investigate the various links I've included below.

 

[Jan 14, 2007] Living & Working with Difficult Personalities

Here the author is limiting term to deceitful and manipulative type of psychopaths. But the real definition is people who do no think about others as people and can treat them as animals.

Dealing with a sociopath

[Jan 5, 2007] Management Fad Adoption: An Exploration of Three Psychogenic Influences Kerry David Carson Paula Phillips Carson University of Louisiana at Lafayette Patricia A. Lanier Southeast Missouri State University Ross D. Judice Acadian Ambulance & Air Med Services

A useful depiction of a paranoid psychopaths.

December 2002 (the Journal of Behavioral and Applied Management – Winter 2002 – Vol. 3(2) Page 174)  A second type of neurotic leader identified by Kets de Vries (1994) is the suspicious type.  These managers feel like they can't trust anyone, so they are constantly on their guard.  Therefore, they are always preparing to retaliate against all assaults from menacing forces.  To help them prepare for assaults, they seek large inputs of information.  Because of their hypersensitivity, distrustfulness, and suspiciousness, they try to control their work environment by being over-involved in rules and details.

According to Westen & Shedler (1999), individuals with a paranoid personality disorder are hostile people who express anger out of proportion to the situation.  This anger is a result of their perception that others are trying to do them harm.  They tend to misinterpret others' intentions as malevolent, frequently getting into power struggles and arguments.  Once a conflict arises, the paranoid executive will tend to hold a grudge and be very critical of the other person, losing all capacity to see anything good in the other person.  Projecting unacceptable feelings onto others, they tend to come across as self-righteous and moralistic.  Once a major problem arises they see it as disastrous and unsolvable, but they won't confide their concerns to others for fear of betrayal.

The suspicious executive mistrusts everyone.  S/he can be described as intense, cynical, inflexible, and distrustful.  Because of their continuing paranoia, which is typically unjustified, suspicious personalities defend against any perceived threat--real or imagined.  Stubborn and rigid, they rarely relax or let up their guard.  

They maintain that hypervigilance is their key to survival.  Everyone in the organization is seen as a potential menace, so the suspicious executive keeps a safe distance from colleagues.  This distance makes interactions seem impersonal and callous.  They seem void of kindness, sentimentality, and compassion.  On the occasions when suspicious personalities exhibit humor, it is usually thinly veiled hostility--expressed in a stabbing and sarcastic manner (Carson & Carson, 1997; Carson & Carson, 1998).

Suspicious executives need to control in order to ensure their safety and security.  When they are not in charge, the suspicious personality feels vulnerable.  However, they hide such concerns because to expose weaknesses would give others an upper hand.  Therefore, the paranoid tries to conceal feelings of foreboding, tension, and distress.  They bluff their way through danger by acting fearless, inaccessible, and potentially vengeful.  To protect themselves, suspicious executives emphasize organizational structure, centralized power, environmental intelligence, and diversification (Kets de Vries & Miller, 1984). 

Management fashions are adopted by suspicious executives to reduce risk, increase control, and augment power.  Fashions are then dropped to cover up failed initiatives, thus avoiding criticism and attack (cf. Carson & Carson, 1997; Carson & Carson, 1998).

[Dec 26, 2006] Management by Baseball PART III: Approaches for Coping
with Sociopathic Bosses

In the last pair of entries I discussed in general organizations run by a head-man who behaves like a sociopath, and the Yankees in particular.

It's not a very common model, although a surprising number of them move to the top of their field, and some even endure. The Yankees have a wonderful record of success, and if you're a stockholder, you probably think General Electric has a fair track record (though if you're a buyer of any of their consumer products, you almost certainly don't). Others, Like Sunbeam, fail.

But what do you do if you are in an organization run like this; how do you cope? I promised some partially-effective approaches. There's nothing in my tool kit that's assuredly successful. Here are my suggestions, in decending order of effectiveness.

1. Don't ever hire on under any circumstances. If you're up for a job in an organization you don't work for, and the job is one someone just got fired from, nose around. The head-man in a sociopathic organization will be very seductive (and his hench folk will, too). He may have a good cop, a very empathetic co-dependent whose main purpose is to bring in fresh meat to get chewed up. The good cop will tell you the incumbent was incompetent, and they really need you to bring some class to the organization. Some additional warning signs: much higher than market scale pay; a sense of urgency; reports oozing from the head-man and his good cop about this and that incompetent who had to be let go; a level of pursuit that's almost like flirting. The good cop will always be able to convince herself that The Boss is about to turn a corner, and if not, he'll at least have a toy to toy with who isn't her. If you think there's even the vaguest chance the organization is sociopathic, insist on getting everything promised to you in writing.

To most sociopathic-acting bosses, signed contracts, like any kind of accountability, are like garlic to a vampire...not fatal but very repulsive, and you can out them with the polite request for one.

The ones who are true sociopaths, btw, will go ahead and sign one anyway, not caring about the consequences, so it's not a perfect strategy.

2. Get the heck out as soon as you can do it on your own terms. It appears the Yanks G.M. Brian Cashman is doing just that. Having come up from a lowly office job to G.M. of a most successful franchise, Cashman is now in a position to shop his services elsewhere. There's not much more he can do in New York -- they've won the Series with him in the position. Steinbrenner has worn out Cashman's loyalty, if you can believe the story linked to here. He has a good reputation, although some probably believe anyone of reasonable skill could succeed given the Yankees' resources. It makes sense for Cashman to move on and see if he can prove himself with a franchise that doesn't behave as though it has unlimited funds. Sadly, once a functionally-sociopathic boss no longer has the power to fire you, he will almost invariably try to mess with you in other ways...tarnish your reputation, try to undermine other job opportunities, withhold agreed-upon exit wages or threaten to go back on other agreements. In the Yankees case, it looks like Cashman has to be released to go elsewhere because Steinbrenner has an option on him for another year after this one, and it's pretty common for the functionally-sociopathic boss to resent an employee he likes to terrorize escaping from his clutches, exposing his impotence.

3. Build a plan to overthrow the head-man and save the organization. This has been my pattern. I don't recommend it. Too much trouble and likely to fall on deaf ears. I did succeed in helping to bring down one such boss who behaved as though he was a sociopath, by making a point of contacting every one of his serial victims and getting them to write letters to the C-level guy the head-man reported to. There were other factors, but because some of the victims had been treated in a way many courts would consider sexual harassment and because this man carried a concealed weapon sometimes, there were enough cautionary indications that when the company had a thin business excuse, they let him go, though it was after I was already gone. The problem with this kind of rescue behavior is an organization that deserved it would rarely have allowed a person like this to run the lives of 100 people in the first place.

4. Don't be a "Tall Poppy", and keep your exit plan current and polished. The Australians have an expression, "Don't be a tall poppy". It means don't attract attention. In the sociopathic organization, acting fearless, refusing to respond to the head-man's routines, makes you a tall poppy. Being entertainingly fearful (in response to the head-man's initiatives), like asking for reviews or asking how you can please him more by being better or by cowering or hiding when he's in one of his (frequently staged) rages or scolds also makes you a tall poppy.

The model is to act fearful, but in a moderate, boring way that doesn't attract his attention. Don't run out of the room and hide, but don't be conveniently near, either. And always have an exit plan ready, evolving week to week. Plan on not being able to have a reference from this company.

Do good (not great) work; you don't want to be recognized as an achiever, because the boss who behaves like a sociopath will frequently sacrifice or simply serially humiliate an achiever to terrorize other employees.

This avoidance is a strategy I don't care for at all; I think it makes people lose their edge, because once most people get used to dogging it, it's harder to excel, to ratchet it back up. In the Permafrost Economy, some people have so few choices that this one becomes viable, though. It's conceivable you may outlast a functionally-sociopathic boss without doing anything intentional designed to shorten his tenure.

... ... ...

[Dec 26, 2006] Coping With Psychopaths @ Work

For some reason sociopath is strongly associated with Mayberry Machiavellis type of people. IMHO the term is much broader then that.  The key problem for social psychopaths is their inability to treat other as humans, just as an objects.

[Dec 14, 2006] The serial bully: Identifying the psychopath or sociopath in our midst including the socialised psychopathic manager

"All cruelty springs from weakness."
(Seneca, 4BC-AD65)

"Most organisations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive, disordered, dysfunctional behaviour can permeate the entire organisation like a cancer."
Tim Field

"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is."
Winston Churchill

"Lack of knowledge of, or unwillingness to recognise, or outright denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome of a bullying case for both the employee and employer"
Tim Field

I estimate one person in thirty, male or female, is a serial bully. Who does the following profile describe in your life?

The serial bully:

Responsibility

The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behaviour and thus liable for its consequences to other people. If the bully doesn't know what they are doing, they should be suspended from duty on the grounds of diminished responsibility and the provisions of the Mental Health Act should apply.

[Dec 14, 2006] Guardian Unlimited Archive Search

Clarke says workplace psychopaths have the same psychological make-up as killers. The only difference is that they have the ability to hide their psychopathic tendencies behind the front of a respectable, white-collar job. Employers should beware liars, cheaters, smooth-talkers, people who appear bored, those who change jobs quickly and those who believe they should be higher up in the company; all are potential psychopaths. (Note that recent studies have discovered that 15% of top executives misrepresent their education, and one-third of all CVs contain lies.)

Psychopaths aren't mad: they're sane, rational, often highly intelligent individuals. What separates them from the norm is a series of character traits - among them impulsiveness, egocentricity, lack of empathy and irresponsibility - which make them a highly dangerous and destructive force in society. No-one is certain exactly what causes a person to be

psychopathic, although it is now generally believed that psychopaths are born, not made. As yet, psychopathy can neither be cured nor successfully treated. 

[Dec 14, 2006] Executive Psychopaths By Gardiner Morse

(Harvard Business Review) Chances are good there’s a psychopath on your management team.  Seriously.  I’m not talking about the “psycho” boss that employees like to carp about—the hard-driving supervisor who sometimes loses it.  He’s just difficult.  Nor am I referring to the sort of homicidal “psychopath” Hollywood likes to serve up—Freddy Krueger, say, or Brando’s Colonel Kurtz.  Neither is, clinically speaking, a psychopath.

I’m talking about the real thing, the roughly 1% of the population that is certifiably psychopathic.  True psychopaths are diagnosed according to very specific clinical criteria, and they’re nothing like the popular conception.  What stands out about bona fide psychopaths is that they’re so hard to spot.  They’re chameleons.  They have a cunning ability to act perfectly normally and indeed to be utterly charming, as they wreak havoc on the lives of the people around them and the companies they inhabit.

Many of psychopaths’ defining characteristics—their polish, charm, cool decisiveness, and fondness for the fast lane—are easily, and often mistaken for leadership qualities  That’s why they may be singled out for promotion.  But along with their charisma come the traits that make psychopaths so destructive:  They’re cunning, manipulative, untrustworthy, unethical, parasitic, and utterly remorseless.  There’s nothing they won’t do, and no one they won’t exploit, to get what they want.  A psychopathic manager, with his eye on a colleague’s job, for instance, will doctor financial results, plant rumors, turn coworkers against each other, and shift his persona as needed to destroy his target.  He’ll do it, and his bosses will never know.

That makes them particularly dangerous to organizations, says Robert Hare, a University of British Columbia psychologist whose psychopathy checklist, the PCL-R, is used worldwide to screen for psychopathic personalities.  Hare believes that psychopaths are increasingly common in business because they’re attracted to the pace and volatility of today’s hypercompetitive workplaces.  And because companies unwittingly nurture them.  Hare and his colleague Paul Babiak, a New York-based industrial psychologies, think they’re rising through the ranks.  To find out, this summer Hare and Babiak began testing a screening tool specifically devised to expose psychopathy at work.

Some of these people are undoubtedly in your organization, and you certainly don’t want to promote them.  How do you tell a true high-potential from the likely psychopath?  Hare’s track record in the field suggests that the experimental screen he and Babiak are currently testing, the 360-degree B-Scan, could become the standard tool for exposing corporate psychopaths.  But it will be some months before the preliminary data are in and the tool’s validity can be evaluated.

In the meantime, companies can do several things to contain psychopaths at work.  Hare and Babiak say.  First, make it easy for rank-and-file workers to express concerns about colleagues.   Have an ombudsman or an anonymous tip line.  Because regular employees are less useful to a psychopath than leaders, the psychopath’s mask will often come off in front of staff, and employees will pick up on psychopath’s game before management does.

Second, thoroughly cross-check your impressions of your high-potentials with colleagues who know them well.  A psychopath will tell you exactly what you want to hear, and it may be quite different from what he tells others.  When the stories don’t jibe, take a closer look.

Finally, be self-aware.  Leaders are famously conscious of their strengths but often clueless about their vulnerabilities.  A psychopath will manipulate you by exploiting personal weaknesses.  Learn about your weaknesses (a coach can help), and beware when someone seeks advantage by playing on them.

Reprinted with permission by Harvard Business Review www.hbr.org/

[Dec 10, 2006] The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing The Experience and Treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

A reader from Santa Fe, NM , July 16, 1998  A good description of the problem and some solutions This book contains well-written descriptions of obsessive-compulsive disorder -- it's informative, clear, and a pleasure to read. And for those of us who either suffer from these disorders or are close to someone who does, it's an eye-opener: you are NOT the only person who's ever had to deal with this problem, and there IS hope for curing it! For all these reasons, I highly recommend the book. Two cautions, however: (1) The book gave a good description of the ways of treating OCD as of the date it was written. Since then, however, there have been many new developments, so, if you're specifically interested in treatments, you'll need to look up some more recent books and articles. (2) "Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder" (OCPD) is a related but different condition, and it's possible that someone who exhibits similar symptoms but doesn't have full-blown OCD suffers from this instead. (My mother has never gone in for compulsive hand-washing, but she's rigid, intolerant, controlling, and a pack rat on a truly monumental scale. That's OCPD.) The treatments for the two conditions differ -- drugs are more helpful for OCD than OCPD, for example. As with any mental condition, it's absolutely necessary to have a thorough professional diagnosis; don't just march into your doctor's office demanding Prozac, or stock up on St. John's Wort at your local herbalist's.

[Nov 5, 2006] ABC Radio National - Background Briefing 18 July  2004  - Psychopaths in Suits

Dr Paul Babiak: Insincere, arrogant, untrustworthy, manipulative, insensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others, remorseless, shallow, meaning the person seems not to have feelings, is incapable of experiencing or understanding the feelings of others.

"Insincere,  arrogant, untrustworthy, manipulative, insensitive to the thoughts
 and feelings of others…"

Tends to blame others for things that go wrong, has low frustration tolerance and is therefore impatient with things.

Erratic, unreliable, unfocused, and is selfish, parasitic, they take advantage of the goodwill of people they work with as well as the company itself.

... ... ...

If this sounds like someone you know, grab and pen and try this quick quiz. Answer Yes or No to the following ten questions:

  1. Does your boss or workmate come across as smooth, polished and charming?
     
  2. Do they turn most conversations around to a discussion about them?
     
  3. Do they discredit or put others down in order to build up their own image and reputation?
     
  4. Can they lie with a straight face to their co-workers, customers, or business associates?
     
  5. Do they consider people they’ve outsmarted or manipulated as dumb or stupid?
     
  6. Are they opportunistic, ruthless, hating to lose and playing to win?
     
  7. Do they come across as cold and calculating?
     
  8. Do they sometimes act in an unethical or dishonest manner?
     
  9. Have they created a power network in the organisation, then used it for personal gain?
     
  10. Do they show no regret for making decisions that negatively affect the company, shareholders, or employees?

[Oct  10, 2006] Beware danger at work Office hours Jobs Editorial

They're charming and plausible, but they hide a dark secret. Kate Hilpern on psychopathic colleagues and why there are more of them than you might imagine
September 27, 2004 (The Guardian ) If you've ever secretly harbored thoughts that a colleague - or even your boss - behaves like a psychopath, you may be closer to the truth than you dared to imagine. A study has found that there are far more sub-criminal psychopaths - self-serving, narcissistic schemers who display a stunning lack of empathy, but are not criminally inclined - at large in the population than had previously been thought. Some even end up in managerial positions.

"The world of unfeeling psychopaths is not limited to the popular images of monsters who steal people's children or kill without remorse," explains Robert Hare, a professor emeritus at the University of British Columbia in Canada, who conducted the study. "After all, if you are bright, you have been brought up with good social skills, and you don't want to end up in prison, so you probably won't turn to a life of violence. Rather, you'll recognise that you can use your psychopathic tendencies more legitimately by getting into positions of power and control. What better place than a corporation?"

"Corporate psychopaths" tend to be manipulative, arrogant, callous, impatient, impulsive, unreliable and prone to fly into rages, according to Professor Hare. They break promises, and take credit for the work of others and blame everyone else when things go wrong. "Psychopaths are social predators and like all predators they are looking for feeding grounds," he says. "Wherever you get power, prestige and money, you will find them."

But with today's employers increasingly focusing on anti-bullying policies, how do they get away with it? Paul Babiak, an organisational psychologist, explains that psychopaths have the ability to demonstrate the traits that the organisation wants and needs, as well as coming across as smooth, polished and engaging. They can appear to employers to be the perfect manager. "The psychopath is the kind of individual that can give you the right impression, has a charming facade, can look and sound like the ideal leader, but behind this mask has a dark side," he says. "It's this dark side of the personality that lies, is deceitful, is manipulative and that bullies other people."

Dr Babiak claims to have dealt with corporate psychopaths who not only demonstrate the defining characteristics of lack of remorse and empathy, but also enjoy causing others pain. "I have seen individuals fire people and take great pleasure in doing it," he says.

Frances Collins was driven out of her job after just a few months, whilst her psychopathic boss remained in his. "One shining example of his lack of empathy was the day of my graduation," she says. "There was an event happening at work that day, which I had worked extremely hard to help them prepare for. It was all set to go like clockwork, so I was able to take the day off. On the same day, I found out that my stepdad had cancer, so wound up having to comfort my mother, as well as deal with my graduation. When I returned to work, and my boss discovered this, he simply pulled me up on the fact that I hadn't rang to check if the event had gone OK."

He would turn up to work at 10am and leave by 4pm almost every day, "due to family issues," she says. "Yet it was almost as if no one else had a family or life, for that matter. Then, when people complained that the communications team was never there, he tried to imply that it was myself or the other PR officer at fault when we were out covering his meetings."

In some organisations, corporate psychopaths pose a threat not only to individuals, but also to the entire workforce, according to Dr Babiak. They build up a power base and turn everyone in the organisation paranoid, everyone becomes afraid of everyone else and the work culture begins to reflect the personality of the leader.

Dr Babiak adds that bullying isn't the only characteristic displayed by the corporate psychopath. "Many even promote fraud in the organisation and steal the company's money," he says. Recent research by accountants MacIntyre Hudson demonstrates just how much of a concern to companies this is. Almost four out of 10 business owners in Britain view the possibility of fraud - particularly being ripped off by one of their own employees - as the single biggest threat to their company, the study found.

In an attempt to root out such undesirable employees, Dr Babiak and Prof Hare have teamed up to design a test aimed at enabling companies to detect corporate psychopaths before they can do serious damage in the workplace. The "Business Scan 360" test will assess managers who come across as ideal corporate leaders, but who may carry psychopathic traits. Colleagues and a supervisor of the person being tested will be asked to fill in a detailed questionnaire that considers four aspects of the subject's personality - anti-social tendencies, organisational maturity, interpersonal relations, and personal style.

But the idea is not to smoke out these people and give them the boot, insists Prof Hare. "Some organisations would value some of the traits, such as being remorseless and manipulative. Used-car salesmen, for example, will probably need to be cut-throat," he says. "The major problem is that psychopaths get into organisations as they interview well and can convince people that they are right for the job. But as soon as the person is hired all sorts of problems start."

Tim Field, author of Bully in Sight and a recognised expert on bullying in Britain, believes the test is good news for victims of corporate psychopaths. "'At the moment, there is very little that they can do to regain control of their career other than leave their job altogether," he says.

"You cannot negotiate or mediate with this kind of bully for two reasons. First, because they have a different kind of mindset to everyone else and second, because they are very good at pulling the wool over their employers' eyes. In fact, if you try to negotiate or mediate, they will simply see you as vulnerable, which can put you in even more danger. They get their kicks out of causing other people pain, so a vulnerable person is a prime target."

Mr Field's own research has identified four types of "serial bully" in the workplace, and the one he claims is most dangerous is what he calls the "sociopath". "The sociopath - which is short for 'socialised psychopath' - is basically my term for the corporate psychopath," he says. "I just chose to emphasise the 'socialised' aspect because these people have brought their behaviour to just within what is socially and legally acceptable."

Sociopaths, he says, tend to sit at middle, or just above, middle management and while Professor Hare has found they often gravitate towards roles in business, the media, law and politics - where scheming and bullying is just part of everyday working life - Mr Field has spotted them in others sectors too. "I get a lot of calls from victims in the caring professions - nursing, social services and education, for example. I believe that's because they prey on vulnerable people and vulnerable people often choose to work in this sector."

Corporate psychologist Ben Williams agrees that the corporate psychopath is at large in management throughout Britain. "But I would argue that there are fewer than in the past because we now have laws against discrimination and unfair behaviour," he says.

Others disagree. The quickly changing corporate world is increasingly susceptible to the psycho in a suit, Dr Babiak believes. The old, staid, bureaucratic organisation filled with rules, policies and procedures was too frustrating and unattractive to the psychopath, he says. "Now, because the pace of business has accelerated so much, only organisations that move fast can survive. It also makes it more fun to work there, not just for you and I, but for the psychopath as well."

Not all corporate psychopaths get away with their antics, however. Alan Ross recalls working for a particularly mercenary one in an investment bank. "I was just out of university and she almost screwed me up completely," he says. "She had ambitions to move into a new area of work and did this primarily by getting her researchers - us - to translate and plagiarise equity research from all the continental banks and sell it as her own research. This proved highly successful and she was getting a name for herself as an expert."

Just before she was offered a major job in her new "expert" role, however, Ross decided to put an end to her reign of terror. "First we supplied a dossier to a magazine, which duly printed an exposé of her. Finally, to rub it right in, we sent copies of the article to every fund manager she ever had dealings with - ie all the bank's best and wealthiest customers. Job done - she was suspended pending an investigation and then sacked."

· Some names have been changed.

[Oct 10, 2006] The Monster Blog Your Boss A Psychopath

psychopaths –- defined as those unburdened by conscience who selfishly use people “callously and remorselessly for their own ends” –- don’t merely exist in corporate America, but are now more than ever harbored in the business environment.

In his study involving a half-dozen companies, renowned industrial psychologist Paul Babiak found that the rapid changes the economy has recently undergone have fed corporate psychopaths, who thrive on the thrills of fast transformations.

Apparently, these people succeed because those around them assume they are not fundamentally different from the average compassionate person and that they do care about others’ feelings. This assumption allows corporate psychopaths to prey on those around them. “They have an element of emotional intelligence, of being able to see our emotions very clearly and manipulate them,” says Michael Maccoby, a psychotherapist interviewed for the article who has consulted for major corporations.

But how do you know if your boss is afflicted with this state of mind? Take this quiz, which is based on the standard clinical test for psychopathy. The quiz focuses on the so-called nonviolent “corporate psychopath.” Fast Company notes that this quiz is a “strictly amateur exercise.”
 

[1] Suspect flattery. Sincere compliments from a coworker or a boss are nice, but outrageous flattery is often an attempt to draw you into a psychopath's snare. If you feel your ego is being massaged, you may be dealing with a psychopath. Be careful.

[2] Take labels and titles with a grain of salt. Just because someone is older, has a higher position or more degrees, or is wealthier than you are does not mean his or her moral judgment is better than yours.

[3] Always question authority when it conflicts with your own sense of right and wrong. This may be hard to do, but it is crucial to your own career and well-being.

[4] Never agree to help a psychopath conceal his or her suspicious activities at work.

[5] If you are afraid of your boss, never confuse this feeling with respect.

[6] Realistically assess the damage to your life. If it's too great, you may have to leave. Remember that living well is the best revenge.


I had a job I loved for six months got a substantial raise after three months and then a management change. I was assigned to a woman who had a reputation for not keeping assistants. I went in with an open mind the first week of June. She never gave me a chance - gave me assignments and then told me she never told me to do it; talked about me within earshot; consistently set me up to fail. I finally resigned after seven weeks. I have never ever worked for a more manipulative person. However, anyone who did not work for her would say she was the nicest person - always remembering birthdays etc. Yes, a definite psychopath. Thanks for the enlightening article.
 

My boss is a psychopath. He is the most ruthless, selfish person I've ever met. It is so difficult working for him. He takes credit for everything others do. He sounds so elegant when he talks in public, he would fool you all. Gosh, now that I know he is actually a psycopath, kind of scares me but he fits this article to the letter!

I joined the "managed by a psycho boss" society years ago - assumed a new position with a new manager who spent the first 6 months trying to get me fired. In my case, I beat him at his own game - developed strong one-on-one relationships with his clients who praised my work and "his obvious good management". It fed the ego need and he backed off. But I watched the charm and venom pattern - co-workers and even management really didn't know how to respond to it, which kept him on the payroll for years. But happily, time wounds all heels and his maniacal need to skirt chase resulted in eventual HR actions and dismissal.
 

[Oct 1, 2004] Is there a psychopath in your office? by Barbara Bartlein

The Business Journal of Milwaukee

Masters of manipulation, it is estimated that approximately only 1 percent of the general population are psychopaths. Yet their numbers are overrepresented in business, politics, law enforcement agencies, law firms and the media, according to research done by Dr. Robert Hare, at the University of British Columbia and his colleague, Dr. Paul Babiak.

"In the business world, if I was a good psychopath and I was well educated, bright, intelligent, grew up in the proper way, knew how to talk and dress and how to use a fork, I'm not going to go out and rob banks," reports Hare. White collar crime offers more "acceptable" opportunities.

Recent events in the business world do raise questions of a darker side to leadership. There are thousands of people who were affected by Kenneth Lay's decision to unload more than $1 billion of Enron stock between January 1999 and July 2001 while telling employees and investors to buy more. Executives at Global Crossing were receiving bonuses and stock options as the value of the company was shrinking.

The business world offers unique opportunity for a psychopath to ooze charm, manipulate people, and misrepresent his or her way to the top. But one of the problems in identifying the organizational psychopath is that they often display characteristics that are commonplace for high-level executives. Many managers and executives display personalities that are grandiose and narcissistic. That doesn't mean they are psychopaths.

According to Hare and Babiak, there are five distinct phases for psychopathic behavior that put him or her in a power position.

This new research puts an interesting spin on the claims for some in the leadership field that a leader must have charm and charisma. Perhaps, it is time to rethink some of the essential personal characteristics necessary for great leadership.

Barbara Bartlein is president of Great Lakes Consulting Group L.L.C. She can be reached at 888-747-9953 or barb@barbbartlein.com or visit her Web site at www.ThePeoplePro.com.

[May 28, 2006] globeandmail.com The psychopath in the corner office by ALEXANDRA GILL

From Saturday's Globe and Mail

One of history's most scandalous cases of corporate skulduggery culminated in a righteous clap of thunder this week, after former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty on multiple counts of conspiracy, securities and wire fraud.

"Justice has been served. The jury's verdicts help to close a notorious chapter in the history of America's publicly traded companies," Rep. Michael Oxley, the Ohio Republican who co-wrote the Sarbanes-Oxley corporate reforms, told reporters.

"This is a sign to any and all pending white-collar cases that corporate crime does not pay," said Anthony Sabino, a law professor at St. John's University in New York. "It is a huge memo to corporate officers and other chieftains. Stay within the law, and don't cheat your shareholders and don't lie to the market, or your next address is the federal penitentiary."

Among all the crowing, it was almost forgotten that some of the major players, including Enron's former chief financial officer, Andrew Fastow, made plea bargains with federal prosecutors in exchange for their testimony.

"It often is those with a heavy dose of psychopathic features who forget any pledges or notion of loyalty as soon as there is a chance to save their own skin," notes Robert Hare, co-author of a chilling new book called Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go To Work.

Prof. Hare, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, is one of the world's leading experts on psychopathy. In 1980, he defined the mental disorder for modern scientists with an internationally recognized diagnostic tool called the Psychopathy Checklist.

Paul Babiak is a New York-based industrial and organizational psychologist who studies psychopathic behaviour in corporations.

Together, they have designed a new tool, the Business Scan 360 Test or B-Scan, which could help to determine if the arrogant, bullying SOB who occupies the corner office is just your average boss from hell or a malevolent psychopath, capable of causing untold damage.

The story of how these cunning creatures successfully slither into high-powered managerial roles is bracingly told in Snakes in Suits. Prof. Hare and Mr. Babiak include numerous case studies and tips for peeling back the charming façade worn by those completely untrustworthy colleagues in the next cubicle. The book may even prompt you to take a closer look at the narcissistic neighbour across the street.

In Prof. Hare's estimation, the average incidence of psychopathy in North America is 1 per cent of the population. That would mean there are about 300,000 psychopaths in Canada -- and close to 3,000 reading this very newspaper today. Perhaps you know one. Or are one.

There's no need to run for your life. The corporate psychopath is not necessarily a shower-stalking killer. Nor is he (or she) a "psycho," the pejorative term for someone who is psychotic.

Psychosis is a serious mental illness defined by paranoid delusions and a disconnection with reality. Psychopathy, on the other hand, is a personality disorder, characterized by a deep lack of conscience, empathy and compassion.

(Then again, there's Patrick Bateman, the Wall Street banker on a sadistic murder streak in the Brett Easton Ellis novel American Psycho, who displayed elements of both. "That was good," Prof. Hare says of the character, with a shiver of repulsed awe.)

Corporate psychopaths are greedy, selfish, deceptive, unreliable and prone to fits of rage. They are also charming and confident, give perfect interviews and quickly become everybody's favourite employee. They are social predators and quite possibly capable of murder.

But if they're bright, and have been brought up with good social skills, they will probably shun violence and use their psychopathic tendencies to win power, prestige and money.

Where do they go? Increasingly, straight to the top of today's flexible, fast-paced, high-risk corporations, where callousness and egocentricity have become acceptable trade-offs for fearless leaders who can rattle cages and get things done quickly.

Dave's first day on the job created much excitement as he was shown around the department and introduced to the staff. There was a buzz about the new person who had been hired away from a larger player in the industry, and who would help them regain some of the lost ground resulting from the problematic new product introduction cycles. Everyone came out to greet Dave, and all who met him immediately liked him. He had personality and good looks, not to mention his strong technical background in the company's major research area, and he projected rock-solid confidence.

After introducing Dave around to most of the department, Frank took him to his new office.

"Oh," muttered Dave, a bit disappointed in what he saw. "I thought it would be a little closer to the action," he paused, "and a tad bigger."

"Well, we're growing very rapidly and office space is at a premium," offered Frank, wondering why he was feeling apologetic, "but you'll be moving around here soon enough, as we occasionally shuffle staff around. In fact, it's quite the joke here."

Dave wasn't amused, but as he turned to face Frank, he threw on a smile and said, "That's great! So I better settle in and start being productive." -- from Snakes in Suits

"Dave" is a real corporate executive, studied by Mr. Babiak, who triggered shockwaves of trouble at a highly profitable U.S. electronics company in the mid-1990s.

After Mr. Babiak was called in by the company to assess the problems, and had pinpointed the trouble maker, he contacted Prof. Hare. They didn't know each other at the time, but Mr. Babiak had read a lot of Prof. Hare's research on psychopathic behaviour -- which, until then, had focused on the criminal justice system.

Prof. Hare, who is a member of the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation's research-advisory board on serial killers, was intrigued.

"I always said that if I wasn't studying psychopaths in prison, I'd do so at the Vancouver Stock Exchange," he says, recalling the days when the VSE was still up and tumbling like the Wild West.

Prof. Hare and Mr. Babiak became good friends. They shared materials. Prof. Hare included a short case study on Dave in his 1999 book Without Conscience. A much longer version of Dave's story is woven through this new, co-written book.

In the meantime, Dave is still running amok at the top of the business world, and Mr. Babiak is still tracking his illustrious career.

"Not everyone is so lucky," Prof. Hare says. "Some flame out or are caught or quietly move on to another organization. But in other cases, they become the boss -- or marry the boss."

It is not difficult to imagine how Dave and others like him arrived at their opportunistic positions to deceive. The past two decades have been tumultuous times for large corporate organizations. With dot-coms booming and collapsing, older firms merging or shrinking, the accelerated pace of change has inadvertently increased the number of attractive opportunities for psychopathic personalities.

The thrill-seeking nature of these entrepreneurial pretenders draws them to situations where a lot is happening. Being consummate rule-breakers, they find the flexibility of these flatter companies and lack of formal rules to their liking.

"When dramatic organizational change is added to the normal levels of job insecurity, personality clashes and political batting, the resulting chaotic milieu provides both the necessary stimulation and sufficient cover for psychopathic behaviour," Prof. Hare and Mr. Babiak write.

While Nicole Kidman was preparing for her role as a psychopathic deviant in the 1993 thriller Malice, she requested a private meeting with Prof. Hare. She wanted to let the audience know, early in the film, that she was not the sweet, warm person she appeared to be. He gave her a spooky scenario to practise.

"You are walking down the street and come across an accident," he told her. "A young child has been struck by a car and is lying in a pool of blood.

"You walk up to the accident site, look briefly at the child, and then focus on the grief-stricken mother. After a few minutes of careful scrutiny, you walk back to your apartment, go into the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror and practise mimicking the facial expressions and body language of the mother."

The psychopath's understanding of emotion is purely intellectual. They can understand sadness, fear, guilt and regret on a cognitive level, but because of a genetic deficiency, often influenced by social environments, the feelings are missing.

This hollow core is the key element that differentiates the corporate psychopath from your typical Machiavellian. It is a systemic way of being, in all aspects of life.

"We're not talking about somebody like Jimmy Pattison, one of our very tough entrepreneurs," Prof. Hare says. "He takes a tough stand at work, but he's not psychopathic. There are a lot of Machiavellian people who can adopt a given persona in a business environment, but have a good family life and genuinely love their family and friends."

But because some organizations seek people who can make hard decisions, keep their emotions in check and remain cool under fire, it makes it that much easier for the real deal to con his way into an organization, cultivate the pawns and patrons that can assist his ascent, outflank those who could stop him and wrest control.

The difference between a genuinely strong leader and the corporate psychopath is that the latter has no conscience or concern for anyone but himself. He will use his influence to abuse the trust of colleagues, manipulate supervisors and cut a swath of destruction through the workplace.

Public-relations director John Lute, of Toronto's Lute & Company, is reluctant to label anyone a psychopath, but he says he has been bitten by these sorts of snakes before. "You certainly see a lot of guys who think that they're smarter than anybody else and it's a real problem," he says.

There was one incident about five years ago that still burns. "He was certainly clever," Mr. Lute says of the snake. "He believed that everybody was stupider than he was. The basic rules of human behaviour didn't really apply to him, especially when he was dealing with inferiors.

"He screwed up on one project and pinned it on me. It did permanent damage to my relationship with the CEO. I had to move on and write it off."

And the snake? Is he still with the company? "Oh, yeah," Mr. Lute chuckles ruefully.

Is the modern corporation psychopathic in its very nature? The Corporation, the award-winning Canadian documentary, has suggested that it is.

The film even uses an interview with Prof. Hare to bolster its position that the "institutional embodiment of laissez-faire capitalism fully meets the diagnostic criteria of a psychopath."

Dysfunctional as some corporations might be, however, Prof. Hare has trouble with the metaphor. "To refer to the corporation as psychopathic because of the behaviours of a carefully selected group of companies is like using the traits and behaviours of the most serious high-risk criminals to conclude that [every] criminal is a psychopath," he writes in the book.

Instead, there are routine procedures that can help detect the psychopathic saboteurs before they do too much damage -- including exhaustive background checks, rigorous auditing of expenses. But as Prof. Hare and Mr. Babiak have discovered, these checks aren't enforced nearly often enough.

In 2003, PricewaterhouseCoopers (PWC) reported that 37 per cent of 3,600 companies in 50 countries had suffered from fraudulent acts, with an average company loss of more than $2-million. (The actual average loss, Prof. Hare says, was likely much higher, because most frauds are never reported, or are written off as commercial losses.) One-quarter of the frauds recorded were committed by senior managers and executives.

Despite public outrage over the recent spate of high-profile scandals, the incidence of corporate fraud is getting worse. For the same PWC global survey last year, the percentage of fraudulent acts increased to 45 per cent.

Prof. Hare and Mr. Babiak have designed a test that may some day decrease the incidence of fraud. Their Business Scan 360, or B-Scan, is a 111-point questionnaire that can help companies detect the corporate psychopaths in their midst. It is filled out by colleagues who work not just above or alongside the suspect, but also below.

"At Enron and WorldCom, there were certainly people at the top of both cases who were aware of a lot of things that were happening," says Prof. Hare, who also advocates a more aggressive role for stockholders. "But below them, there were people who knew precisely what was going on."

Last September, federal Ethics Commissioner Bernard Shapiro shocked the country when he declared that the Liberal sponsorship scandal could be viewed as either "a triumph of entrepreneurship" (in the wake of federalism's near-defeat in the 1995 Quebec referendum) or a "triumph of theft."

The line separating virtue and vice is a thin one, not just in the corporate world, but in politics and society at large.

Prof. Hare argues that an emphasis on style over substance is moving society in a direction that makes it easier for a psychopath to express himself without incurring the wrath of the law.

Does he think things are so bad that it's becoming advantageous for people who are not psychopathic to adopt a psychopathic attitude? "Yes, I would say, definitely."

Because psychopathy is to some extent influenced by external factors, he explains, the lack of stringent rules in some freewheeling corporations, or society in general, might be responsible for triggering psychopathic tendencies that would otherwise be held in check.

Picture an on-the-brink member of a street-crime gang: He might not mess with other members of the gang because he knows the boss would whack him. "But once that guy at the top is gone . . . ," Prof. Hare says with a shrug -- then, all bets are off.

Not everyone is so pessimistic. "No matter what the rules are, there are always going to be bad apples," says Stan Magidson, head of Osler, Hoskin & Harcourt's business law practice in Western Canada and the former director of takeover/issuer bids, mergers and acquisitions at the Ontario Securities Commission. "But new rules go a long way to attempt to ensure the integrity of financial reporting by public corporations.

"I'm not seeing a bunch of psychopaths running Canadian companies and running amok," he says. "Quite the contrary -- I'm seeing a real focus in boardrooms and senior management to ensure that systems are in place to prevent malfeasance."

So far, though, those fraud statistics don't seem to be improving. In Prof. Hare's view, the prognosis is grim.

"I think things are going to get worse and worse," he says. "The way things are going now, I'm not optimistic that there is suddenly going to be a turnaround."

Somewhere in a large corner office, a corporate psychopath is stretching his legs out on a desk and quietly chuckling.

Alexandra Gill is a feature writer for The Globe and Mail in Vancouver.

Danger signs

If the corporate psychopath sounds like someone you know, grab and pen and try this quick quiz, including the kinds of questions used in Paul Babiak and Robert Hare's Business Scan 360.Answer Yes or No to the following questions:

  1. Does the boss or workmate in question come across as smooth, polished and charming?
  2. Do they turn most conversations around to a discussion about them?
  3. Do they discredit or put others down in order to build up their own image and reputation?
  4. Can they lie with a straight face to their co-workers, customers, or business associates?
  5. Do they consider people they've outsmarted or manipulated to be stupid?
  6. Are they opportunistic, ruthless, hating to lose and playing to win?
  7. Do they come across as cold and calculating?
  8. Do they sometimes act in an unethical or dishonest manner?
  9. Have they created a power network in the organization, then used it for personal gain?
  10. Do they show no regret for making decisions that negatively affect the company, shareholders or employees?

If you scored at least 6 out of 10, there's a good chance you've already met what is known as an industrial or "corporate psychopath."

Source: Paul Babiak, PhD, and Robert D. Hare, PhD. Copyright 2005 Multi-Health Systems, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

[Sep 17 2005] Fast Company Sound Off

Name: Richard Rhodes
Email: rrhodes2005@Hotmail.Com
Posted: Sat Sep 17 2005 08:42 EST
Location: Toronto, Canada
Occupation: Engineer

Having worked closely with some Psychopaths, I was interested in this subject. But what the article does not mention is the cloning tendency that Psychopaths show. They seem to hire similar people, and because a Psychopath only shows its true personality downwards in the organisation, he or she does not threaten his/her Psychopath superiors. This is the reason why Psychopaths promote other Psychopaths and the leadership positions remain infested with those of the same class. "Mafia" means a loose association of criminal groups, sometimes bound by a blood oath and sworn to secrecy.

While this word is used almost exclusively for plain organised criminals, many companies have similar secret organisations inside and are led by Psychopaths. Most of us have realised this situation long time ago when we see that incapable people are in leadership positions, treat people badly and to the eyes of their superiors they look inoffensive.

But, how much do Psychopaths cost to corporate America? Think only about the high turnover in a department and re-hiring could cost a company up to three times the annual salary of the employee. In my last job, a department of 15 people, with an average salary of 100,000 a year per person, was run by a Psychopath. In 15 months the company lost 9 people who were completely pissed off.

This kind of situation is a big waste of human capital and talent that could be advantageous for a competitor. Big corporations should rethink about if is better to tolerate Psychopaths or to have the means to detect them before they damage the companies competitive position.

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Etc

Terms and Definitions

Urban Dictionary Pointy Haired Boss

A sociopathic boss that is also the most inept, stupid human being alive.

Refer's to Dilbert's boss, but also by association to all other mindbogglingly
stupid bosses lacking foresight, technical knowledge, leadership skills,
 morality or tact.

"I'll get next weekend off, but I'll have to work on the PHB."

"My new job's ok, except there's a classic Pointy Haired Boss in my department."

Quiz

Quiz Is Your Boss a Psychopath

Among questions

[7] Is he callous and lacking in empathy?

Does he not give a damn about the feelings or well-being of other people? Is he profoundly selfish? Does he cruelly mock others? Is he emotionally or verbally abusive toward employees, "friends," and family members? Can he fire employees without concern for how they'll get by without the job? ...

[8] Does he fail to accept responsibility for his own actions?

Does he always cook up some excuse? Does he blame others for what he's done? If he's under investigation or on trial for a corporate crime, like deceitful accounting or stock fraud, does he refuse to acknowledge wrongdoing even when the hard evidence is stacked against him?

 

Etc

Profile of the Sociopath

Psychopath.... Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late.

Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."

Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.

Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.

Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie 'Sliding Doors' to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.

The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he's less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman's existence. In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they've gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.

The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."

No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.

Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.
 

FACTNet Message Board Beware of the SOCIOPATH ! they are human poison for the soul!

Sociopath vs. Arrogance By Kim Walters

.... .... ...
Perhaps Dostoevsky himself wanted to weigh in on the mind of the sociopath and the journey toward their violent lives.  Due to his vivid description of Raskolnikov, Dostoevsky shows his readers first hand what a sociopath is like.  First one must understand that there is no such affliction as sociopath.  The technical name is antisocial personality disorder and there are certain criteria a person must meet in order to receive this diagnosis.  It is reserved for the most violent criminal minds and therefore is taken very seriously by the psychiatric community.  In order to be diagnosed, one must have been previously diagnosed as having a conduct disorder by the age of fifteen.  This is what many refer to as the child version of antisocial personality disorder.  “Along with depression and anxiety, the individual also exhibits an increase in antisocial behavior, aggression, destruction of property, and deceitfulness or theft” (Strickland). They may also act out against smaller things that they can control, such as smaller siblings and/or animals. 

Am I Married To A Sociopath

Dear Dr. Irene,                                                           
First, many thanks are in order!!! Because of your wonderfully comprehensive website, I have identified "the problem" with my nine year marriage. Understanding the dynamics that make the abusive cycle "work", gave me an option I never knew I had: namely to stop  allowing my husband to control and abuse me any more!  

When I realized I was responsible for protecting myself and our two young children from this, I had some hard choices to make. I had to take action and stop hiding behind my anger and hurt feelings and instead use them to motivate and guide me to better, healthier choices!!!!! In short, I had to ask my abuser to leave and prepare myself to leave if he refused. Pretty scary stuff! It was very painful and frightening to face the truth and decide to do whatever it took to provide a safe and sane home for me and my kids. And I also realized this might be his only chance to see the consequences of his abuse and make a choice to change himself. He agreed to leave after many attempts to change my mind, the worst being, "How can you destroy our family?" I had to be clear on what I wanted and what I could do to change it. I had to tell him his abuse of our family is the reason for the separation, and he has to look in the mirror and finally see how his choices affect others. He cried, he pleaded, he manipulated. But I stood firm! The only way to stop this cycle is to refuse to participate in it and seek help for myself.                 

I come from an abusive home (big shocker, huh?) where my mother and father married young. By the age of 23 my mom was widowed with two young children. My father killed himself (the ultimate act of selfishness and rage). Mom was an alcoholic and drug  addict. She raised me and my sister (or should I say we raised ourselves) in an extremely chaotic environment of anger, shame, emotional and physical abuse. She was very neglectful and given to outbursts of rage when we needed her in any way. This left us to fend for ourselves in many overwhelming, frightening ways and exposed us to predatory abusive men who sexually molested us. Needless to say, I had to do a tremendous amount of work to survive this childhood with my sanity intact. And I did. I survived by being creative and resourceful and knowing deep down that I deserved much better (a divine gift!). Yes.

By the time I met my husband, I had done a lot of living and was determined to choose a spouse wisely.  He by contrast, came from a conservative, well-educated European family that seemed very close and healthy. I guess anything would have looked good compared to my home life - and he seemed wonderfully supportive of me. Yet, I had warnings in my feelings about him, but the good codependent I was, I ignored them. Everything about him just LOOKED so good! I had learned to question so much of my internal world (part of why I survived in the first place), I chalked my insecurities up to being afraid to be happy! He more than encouraged me in that direction. He would speak of wanting to protect me and take care of me, and LOVE me as I had never been loved before. Yet his actions were making me uncomfortable.

On the surface things looked great - all my girlfriends wanted to know if he had a brother! He was extremely charming and thoughtful in ways that impressed me. He showered me with gifts and attention. But, he seemed to want his own way in many things and was insistent I comply. I remember sleeping with him the first time because he persisted and persisted until I allowed him to do it. It didn't feel good. It felt bad. But I was still unhealthy enough to think I had to give him what he wanted in order to be loved. He was controlling in ways that made me feel belittled and child-like. He didn't listen to my wants or needs, but told me I had been in such a screwed up family, that I couldn't know what was best for myself. It angered me to be so discounted, but I was afraid he was right. Here was this handsome, older, successful man, with no addictions and a nice family background wanting ME! Still, I often felt a lack of connection to him. He became cool and removed, working long hours and berating me for my lack of appreciation. He was demanding and self absorbed. He felt himself to be a superior person, able to make up his own rules as he went along, and I went with him. I remember wanting to run away on the night before our wedding. I felt so anxious and afraid. My mother told me it was nonsense, and seemed to think it was just jitters. She didn't want to listen to me, she wanted me off her hands and married to this successful man, so she could feel she had done her job well as a mother.

So, I married him. I cried on the honeymoon and felt terribly depressed. He was annoyed and angry that I didn't respect him enough to enjoy all the relatives we stayed with in Europe. I was unhappy. But when I returned home everyone thought we had to have had the most marvelous time, and I went along with the ruse. Life became increasingly more difficult as he did things that resulted in my feeling very insecure and fearful. He would go on business trips and stay out all night and not call when he said he would. My anger and unhappiness with any action of his was "ridiculous!" He seemed to go out of his way to encourage the very feelings he claimed to be so suffocated by. I was really confused!

He became completely selfish after the birth of our first child, almost like a rebellion against the neediness of our baby. He wouldn't help me at all, and threatened he would take away our baby if I couldn't handle it. I became so depressed, I thought of committing suicide and sought professional help. My therapist never recognized my abuse and saw my problems as a result of my childhood, further validating my husband's explanation that the problem was all in my head. I thought I would go insane, and just getting through each day was a challenge. His angry outbursts escalated, and he withdrew all affection and support unless I behaved as he thought I should. He accused me of trying to control him often, when I was really just trying to find out when he'd be home for dinner. He took away my credit cards and debit card because he said I was ruining us financially with my spending (hard not to spend money when you have a family to clothe and feed!) and generally made my life hell.

I discovered at that time that he was lying to me about a number of things, namely his spending and whereabouts. I was devastated and confronted him. He lied even when I begged him for my sanity's sake to tell me the truth. We became, unexpectedly, pregnant again. I felt really trapped at that point. He was terrible to me throughout that pregnancy, and didn't seem to care about me at all. My tears didn't move him; he would ignore me and be annoyed that I was upset AGAIN. He began to use physical force to get me to comply with his wishes, holding me down, blocking my path and raising his fist to me. He would agitate me to the point that I would explode with anger and say terrible things to him. He told me I was abusive to him - and I agreed!

I read, "The Intimate Dance of Anger" and learned to express myself more clearly. I changed the way I responded, and was careful to not use my anger as a weapon against him - but, surprise - it didn't make things any better! His behavior became more brutal and cruel. He began humiliating me in front of the children, screaming curse words and foul names. He withdrew from me sexually and told me I was too fat and ugly to be wanted. Any small thing could set him off. He made mean "jokes" about me, threw things and hit me "by accident" and a whole host of rotten, inhuman behaviors. Meanwhile, he became more and more successful in the business world. He treated me so well in the company of folks he wanted to impress. He bragged about my success as an pianist (don't even ask me how I managed to perform! 'cause I sure don't know!) and was proud to appear as "the family man".

We had a terrific life from the outside: beautiful, smart kids, a lovely home, exotic trips to islands, all the stuff that looks good. But inside I was dying. I began to hate him and wish any plane he was on would just explode. I dreaded  the dinner hour and any time we spent together. I despised him for exploiting me, and had fantasies of dying to show him how much he would regret what he did to me. I began to do things I knew would anger him (smoking cigarettes, spending time with friends, spending money), and just didn't care anymore. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't, so I figured I might as well enjoy my life.

I lied to him to avoid confrontations, I hid purchases and distanced myself emotionally in every way I knew how. I struggled to keep up the facade, be a good mom to my kids and have a life of my own. I never let him see me cry, and felt I was living with a stranger. He would explode with rage over trivial things, and used the children to manipulate and control me. At that point I'd had enough. I'd had enough of his pathetic self-centeredness, his control and his tantrums. I didn't want to live like that.

Despite all I'd done to please him and make him treat me lovingly, his actions and words told me over and over again how much contempt and hatred he had for me. He hated me for needing him, but couldn't resent me if I didn't need him. He hated my new "selfishness," but couldn't feel sorry for himself without it. He actually enjoyed making me suffer, seemingly getting high off of my misery. There was not a single area of my life or my person that he hadn't sought to use for his own means: to exploit, to destroy.

After surviving the hell of my childhood, I was in hell again. That's what tipped me off to what was really happening. I felt just as I'd felt as a kid; enraged, shamed, blamed, powerless, helpless, hurt and unhappy. I prayed for help, to know and understand why this had "happened" and how I could make it stop.                              

Then I found your site, Dr. Irene. I sat in front of the computer, dumbfounded by what I was reading. I joined the online support group and began to tell others how I felt. I read about my husband in their posts. I got mad as hell! Mad at him for abusing me (now I could call it by it's proper name), mad at me for taking it!

A new idea began to grow in my cramped brain - freedom!!! I could set myself free. I called my local shelter and made an appointment to see a counselor. I told him to get help or get out. I went to see a lawyer. And I got my hands on every book I could find that dealt with abuse. (see some books here)

I was so scared.  I felt overcome by emotions of grief and sadness at the loss of my dream with him. When I faced the truth, it tore me up so badly I wasn't sure I could make it. I felt so fragile and afraid. Yet, a new feeling was taking root for the first time in my life: I could make it on my own! I didn't need to stay with an abuser to survive, I needed to get away! I knew deep down that it was time to live my life on my own terms. Time to find out what that meant for me and what I needed to do to get there. Time to take back my dignity, my self-respect, and give myself the love I deserve!!!! 

My husband is now in therapy and living in a hotel. He says he's a changed man (overnight no less!) and is reading "Angry All the Time". He is finally seeing the damage he has done, and is not blaming me. He wants to come home, but it's early on in the process, and that is unacceptable to me.

I want him to get the help he needs so he can be a loving father to our children, and have a life he can feel. I am struggling with guilt over wanting to end our marriage, even if he gets better. I don't know if I can ever feel loving towards him again, or trust him at all. I fear he is pathologically unable to perceive needs and wants other than his own. I feel that he "acquired" me to experience emotions he couldn't generate on his own and that his ability to be honest with himself is seriously disabled. He is so emotionally and spiritually handicapped, I can't imagine his recovery (if he can sustain it) lasting less than the rest of his life. Even if he really wants it (and I have no way of knowing if he really does or is just trying to win me back), can he ever have anything to offer me that I would want? Could he be sociopathic and able to function in the outside world as well as he has? Are some abusers incapable of empathy? These questions trouble me greatly as I have the well being of my children to protect, and do not want them growing up in a divorced home unless  absolutely necessary. I am also fearful of seeking legal separation because I don't want to incite him at this critical time. Maybe I just don't know what I want! Maybe I still want to have hope that this could become a success story and not end in divorce. What do you think?  

Thank you so much for reading this long story - and for any response you can give!   Christina       

Dear Christina,

What do I think? I think that you are no less than a truly amazing woman.  I thank you for writing me; it is hearing about accounts like yours that make my hours working on this site so overwhelmingly fulfilling.

Now, what do I think about your situation and your husband? I think you don't yet know what to do!

You have every right to feel exactly the way you feel. You do not trust his recovery, and you should not trust his recovery. He needs to earn your trust. Maybe he will get OK, and maybe he won't. Time will tell.  You will know.

About sociopathy: I cannot make any comments regarding your husband and sociopathic traits or tendencies. Clinicians recognize that antisocial personality disorder is very difficult to treat. Angry individuals vary in their degree of sociopathy. In general, the more sociopathic the individual, the worse the prognosis. 

The angry people I work with are clearly selfish. They are also ordinarily compassionate and well-meaning. I have yet to meet one who was not. The problem arises when the angry person believes the partner is not meeting a perceived need/want the angry person rightly or wrongly (usually wrongly) feels should be met. Flip! All reason, all empathy goes out the window. All that exists now is anger. The partner deserves to be punished for withholding: "Hurt the horrible partner for hurting me," or so the irrational thinking goes. Other times, the intent is less to hurt the partner than it is to hole up to lick one's wounds. Their self-absorbed withdrawal however hurts those around them - a byproduct of wound licking.

Irrational thinking is workable. Like anything else, the more ingrained the thinking style, the more time and effort it takes to dislodge. But it is do-able - when the individual is highly motivated. (Look what you did when highly motivated!)

On sociopathy: I've never met a person truly without conscience. I've met many who have no conscience when angry. I've met people who pretend not to have remorse when questioned because they don't want to admit to a "weak" feeling. But, I've never met anyone without any remorse. So, I don't know if these awful, ice-cold people exist, or if they just spend most of their time being very, very angry. Perhaps I am naive. Or, perhaps the angry people in my practice (who have to put up with me) are self-selected, i.e., I scare off the more pathological candidates. Or, as I suspect, it could be that sociopathy, when viewed from the surface, is different from sociopathy when viewed from the context of a more trusting relationship. 

I am printing an excerpt from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual on antisocial personality disorder. ("Antisocial" is the newer technical term for sociopathy.) Make up your own mind on your husband's sociopathy. For the record, most of my angry people meet these criteria. That's really funny, since I don't think I've never met a "real" sociopath, whatever that is! For the record, a really, really good antisocial person is successful at whatever he or she does and - does not get caught!   

Keep up the wonderful work. Though I suspect at this point, you cannot do anything else.

My warmest regards,  -Dr. Irene    

See Christina's March 2000 update here


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Last updated: October 04, 2009