Softpanorama Open Source Humor Archive

A variation of Steve Baldwin's
NETSLAVE QUIZ

Adapted from the Amazon.com NetSlaves page by Nikolai Bezroukov

PART I: YOUR WORK LIFE

1. AT YOUR LAST JOB INTERVIEW, YOU EXHIBITED:

A. Optimism
B. Mild Wariness
C. Tried to overcome headache. I was really tied
D. Controlled Hostility

2. DESCRIBE YOUR WORKPLACE:

A. An enterprising, dynamic group of individuals laying the groundwork for tomorrow's economy.
B. A bunch of geeks with questionable social skills.
C. An anxiety-ridden, with long hours and a lot of stress because of backbiting bunch of finger-pointers.
D. Jerks and PHB

3. DESCRIBE YOUR HOME:

A. Small, but efficient.
B. Shared and dormlike.
C. Rubble-strewn and fetid.
D. I have a personal network at my home with three or more connected computers and permanent connection to the Internet

PART II: YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TECHNOLOGY

4. MY PERSONAL COMPUTER:

A. Maximizes my productivity.
B. Is my best friend.
C. Lets me work all kinds of crazy hours at home.
D. My computers can heat my apartment.

5. MY ALPHANUMERIC PAGER:

A. Is a convenient way to stay in touch with my office.
B. I do not like when it sometimes goes off at night
C. Has been temporarily disabled and I receive warning because of that
D. I have it all the time and always wear a cell phone on my belt.

PART III: YOUR INTERNET KNOWLEDGE

6. WHAT DOES THE "I" IN IPO STAND FOR?

A. Initial
B. Imaginary
C. Impossible
D. Insolvent

7. WHAT DOES THE "E" IN E-COMMERCE STAND FOR?

A. Electronic
B. Exciting
C. Error-prone
D. Exploitation

8. WHAT ARE THE "THREE C'S OF THE INTERNET?"

A. Content, Community and Commerce
B. Cults, Chats and Clutter
C. Cheetos, Chinese Food and Coke
D. Crap, Costs and Chaos

9. WHAT IS THE "WINDOWS ENVIRONMENT"?

A. A graphical operating system.
B. A ploy for world domination.
C. A bug-ridden, proprietary disaster. Open source is the way to go.
D. Linux rulez.

10. WHO IS THE REAL "FATHER OF THE INTERNET"?

A. Vice-president Gore
B. Vinton Cerf
C. Linus Torvalds
D. George Orwell

11. WHY WAS THE INTERNET CREATED?

A. To simplify a way to bid out jobs to an immigrant workers.
B. To boost the Dow over 10,000
C. To create a new bunch of billionaires
D. To create an IPO gold rush.

PART IV: YOUR HOPES AND FEARS FOR THE FUTURE

12. WHY ARE YOU WORKING IN THE INTERNET BUSINESS?

A. To get rich.
B. To get by.
C. Linux rulez
D. Nobody else will take me.

13. DESCRIBE YOURSELF POLITICALLY:

A. Republican
B. Democrat
C. Anarchist
D. Luddite

14. DESCRIBE YOUR RELIGION:

A. Monotheist
B. Atheist
C. Open Source
D. Linux

15. WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN 2000?

A. It's revenge time for brick-and-mortars.
B. Your girlfriend may dump you for a doctor or Venture Capitalist.
C. You are feared that your health insurance may run out and you may not have new contracts to renew it.
D. You are feared that you will be fired or outsourced with no equity.

HOW TO SCORE YOUR RESULTS

If you answered “A” to any of the above questions, your IEQ ("Internet Exploitation Quotient") is zero – you’re not a Net Slave. Reading The Cathedral and Bazaar can be beneficial
If you selected "B," you’ve probably just started working in the technology business or lead some sort of charmed (mythical?) existence the rest of us only dream about. Reading NetSlaves and Critique of CatB recommended
For those answering mostly “C” with some D -- you are on your way to becoming NetSlave. Reading NetSlaves strongly recommended.
For those who answered mostly “D,” -- you are Net Slave. Also you should probably contact a mental health professional immediately, reading NetSlaves probably will not help much, but you can try.